I only found out about my Wifes A about a month ago. Before I confronted her I read a lot about infidelity that is how I found this site. So when I confronted her I was somewhat educated about how to do it. I sat down with and told her I knew we were having specific problems and that I believed we could work through them but only if she stopped her affair. Of course I offered evidence. I didn't get angry or make demands. She told me A was over but she didn't know if she ever loved me and needed space. Her sister told me it was also over and she didn't talk to OM anymore. Since then I have been trying to work on being a better husband. I am working on my masters degree and she works full-time in a very stressful job. I have been trying to make a stress-free environment at home for her. I have our two daughters every afternoon and try to have them bathed and dinner for her when she gets home. I ask her how her day went and do as much around the house to make it peaceful and less stressful. I try to talk to her about our situation but she never seems to have the time. In the weeks following Dday we did have some great late-night conversations but not about our relationship. The other night I told her we needed to talk about what went wrong in our relationship so we could try to stop dwelling on past bad emotions and feelings so we could start to work on building a better relationship that would make us both happy. Again she said she didn't know when she would have time. Yet she has time to go to work out with her girlfriend 2-3 times a week. She also has time to talk to her mother about our situation. When will she have time for us to talk. I do honestly believe the A has ended but I need her to open up to me and recommit to us. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up with nothing in return. Just need to get this out. thanks for taking time to listen.

Well almost all WS's don't want to talk about it. But of course you need to talk about it to heal. You are very early in this and should be in Plan A. Then you just have to give her time to get over the withdrawal. Harley says about 3 weeks. But be sure that she is having NC.

I am working on Plan A as far as I understand it. I am trying to fill her emotional needs. From what little she has told me about the A her and OM had a lot of conversation. Mainly because she was so stressed out with her job and all the work to be done on our new house. She would come home from work and yell at me about things to be done and how bad things were. I would get defensive and not realize it was because of all the things on her mind and the stress of it all. She then turned to OM to talk about it-of course I'm sure she didn't yell at him about it. Now I listen to her if she needs to vent and try to be understanding. I also do a lot more on our house that I know needs to be done. I just feel like I am wearing thin and need something in return.

Staggered,
Hang in there. If WS has truly ended the A there is lots of hope. Just don't be fooled, like I was. I am about a month into this also. My H refuses the NC rule. So, you at least have that. Things are working....be patient and don't rush. This place is a wonderful place to be for advice. I don't know what I would have done by now had it not been for MB. Hang in there!

Stay in Plan A. It takes awhile, so try to be patient. Be sure she has NC with OM. Then she will be in withdrawal for awhile, and then be more interested in working on the marriage.

thanks for the comments. I am trying to hang in there. I just feel so overwhelmed. I am so busy trying to work on things around our house, raise our children and daily routine. In addition, I have to write my master thesis which I can't even concentrate on because my mind is so heavy. I also am living in a foreign country and feel very lonely without my true personal friends and family. This truly is a difficult time but it is good to get things out here.

Maybe you can get some anti-depressants. They may help you get busy on your thesis. You do need to take care of your business all through this. Right now I know it is miserable, but stick with us. I promise you things will get better.

When I first found out, it was awful. Now I am very happy, and my WH is still with OW.

I would like to talk to a counselor but I'm not sure I could afford it financially right now. For now it really helps just to talk annonymously here. I just feel my self confidence has been shattered and I really just need assurance. Because of this it is hard for me to bring things up to my wife-again because I have no confidence with us right now. I just don't know where she truly stands in all of this. I guess I can just keep hoping. I know I am a good person and will get through this but it is difficult all the same.

Sometimes you can get anti-depressants from a regular doctor. Yes, your self-esteem is near zero. That is what happens to all of us. Hang in there and take care of YOU.

Thank you Believer for your remarks. It really does help to hear from people in my situation. I am trying to take care of me. I just give so much of me to everyone else(2 daughters and wife) there doesn't seem to be much of me left but I am trying. Are you Believer still trying to work on your marriage or are you finished and moving on.