I posted another string....letter to the other mans wife.

My WS is coming home from another business trip. She sounds like she is in the game, but I am ready to give up. It is just that I am plain old tired of living this way. She backslid one time and has been having the affair the entire time I have been geting us into counseling etc. She actually started the affair at the same time we were agreeing to go to counseling, then of course she gave up....then ended up getting the guy a job as her counterpart and they report to the same boss. Again there are defintite signs of life from her like she did tell her boss so he will support NC, but has not told anyone else. WAT posed the question of determining what i want and he did make some good arguments for holding on.

<small>[ April 24, 2004, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: kev_dad ]</small>

You have been hurt horribly.

Me too.

I will tell you what was told to me. (in a nutshell)

You have tried your best. You have been treated unfairly. You have every right to walk away from this situation and do so righteously.

BUT...

If you don't walk away... If you fight for it... (even when you don't feel like it) then down the road, those loving feelings can be rebuilt... and they will be stronger than before.

In other words, you may not feel like you want to go on, but if you do anyway, you might find out later that you were glad you didn't.

There. I took some perfectly good advice that I understood and managed to confuse myself good and proper. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I hope that made more sense to you than it did to me.

dewt (who needs to slow down on the coffee)

DEWT

so you are seperated....can you give me the link to your story...sounds like we are the same age and I would like to read it. Dude I will be praying for you. It is just great to hear someone in a close situation.

My story is kind of spread out... it's pretty freaky... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I will do a quick search and fix you up with a link.

dewt

Well, that was kinda easy. This is one of my first posts on the subject. A lot has happened since then.

She is still seeing the ex-roomate regularly. I don't know if they are still having sex. I imagine so, but I try not to think about it too much. Not because it bothers me, but because it's not really the issue.

4 months into separation, Dylan and I are talking about moving back in together. Separate bedrooms and no commitment from her to work on the marriage. Still, it's a step in the right direction, providing certain limits (which I'm still working on) are set out. She has not given me a schedule or time frame for when she will be moving. My best guess is 2-3 months.


dewt

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 09:17 PM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>

Posting frenzy here... sorry...

Explanations for the initials, which I try not to use can be found in the post which is linked in my signature line. There are a bunch of them and they can get pretty confusing.

I'm telling ya, it's not easy. Daily I struggle with my urge to give up. Here's a recent post detailing some of my darker feelings . I've never, ever in my life been hurt or betrayed so profoundly. But ultimately, I do love her with all my heart and soul and through this site and much introspection, I understand that I played a part in creating the environment that allowed this to happen.

I believe in my heart that she is worth the struggles I am going through. I believe that my family is worth it. I believe that my son is worth it.

And I know, that in the end, whatever happens, I will be glad that I fought so hard for it.

dewt

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 09:19 PM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>