Work with me here people. Be patient and I think you'll be rewarded. Let's do an exercise.

OK. Close your eyes for a minute. Put yourself at home or work. To make it real, imagine what the setting feels, sounds, looks and smells like.

The phone rings. It is one of your children saying that (s)he was in a car accident with the FWS. They say," Everyone's alive but the FWS is injured. Please come quick."

Your mind is racing. Adrenaline begins to flow. The mind begins to play tricks just like on that fateful DDay. Some of us would be in denial while others might panic.

You race to the scene. It seems as though it takes forever. Every signal catches you. Every slow driver plods along in front of you oblivious to your situation.

Finally you arrive. You can't believe your eyes. There in the intersection sits your spouse's car along with another. Policeman and fireman swarm the scene like ants or bees. They're performing the necessary tasks to get control of the accident scene. It's just another day at the office for them.

Our car is totally demolished. The front end and engine compartment are now nearly nonexistent. Doors are sealed shut. The impact has shattered the windshield. Debris lays scattered in random spots. Fluids leak from the car. Glass is everywhere.

You see your child first. "Thank God they are uninjured." You look to see your spouse. All you can see is the back of a fireman working on the driver of the car. You swallow the emotion that comes spilling over the top.

As you get closer, you see the love of your life sitting in the driver's seat unable to move due to their injuries. It's bad but they are alive.

Airbags are deployed. The fireman tells you that he doesn't think any of the injuries are "life threatening" but as you look at your spouse you wonder.

No part of the body has escaped some injury. Abrasions are everywhere: the face, hands, arms & legs. The hands are bleeding from the worst of these. The wrists have broken blood vessels that are creating the "black and blues." The knees & shins are already starting to swell from their collision with the dash board. Although the seatbelt has saved the life, its ferocious tug has made your spouse think that ribs are broken or the sternum is cracked. Breathing is labored.

Your spouse sees you and offers a smile in between shivers caused by the onset of shock. As you approach you smell the impact. The car has been smoking but also the airbags give off a smell akin to gunpowder.

As the minutes pass you see things that dishearten. You see rubberneckers slowly passing the scene. You also see drivers who can't be bothered by this inopportune delay to their schedule. They race through the intersection and running red lights not knowing that that very selfish act is what caused all of this.

Thinking back now you think how surreal the whole thing seems. You saw sights that you thought you'd never see during your marriage. You saw the fear in your child's face for their parent. You saw your spouse loaded into an ambulance. You saw your family's mortality. You almost saw your dreams ruined.

As you sit in the emergency room, while x-rays are being taken, you have a bit of time to reflect. You realize that regardless of the anger you've held for the FWS due to their selfish affair, you are grateful that you married them. Regardless of the feelings of humiliation and depression, they are the joy of your life. Regardless of the feelings of indifference after the affair surfaces, you love them with all of your heart. Despite all of the histrionics that have been played out over the weeks, months or even years you are so thankful that they are alive and part of your existence.

Folks...I wish I could say that this is a complete work of fiction that was written as an exercise to help me in dealing with my FWW's A. It is not. It is a true story. Thankfully my W and youngest daughter are alive. Luckily no broken bones or concussions. They will be sore, stiff and bruised for days. The worst appears to be my W's knee that hit either the dashboard or the steering column. I am sitting in the family room past midnight unable to sleep.

I do not know the exact fate of the driver and passenger of the other car other than they are alive and in receipt of a ticket for running a red light. They were in such a hurry to get somewhere and caused all of this damage and destruction.

Two lessons were learned today tha t I want to share:

1) Love your spouses & children as though tomorrow may be their or your last day.

2) Slow down out there. Get off your cell phone. Stop putting make up on while you're driving. And stop running red lights!! I really don't want you to kill my family.

cwmac

I hope everyone is well at your house.

Nothing to add here just want to send out a prayer to you.

BH

Dear CWMAC.
Thanks for sharing that experience.

And I think you are on to something.
Where there once was LOVE between a husband and a wife; forever, there will be some love.

Perhaps without the passion that was had at the beginning but just the same; LOVE.

How can there not be when you and her have a parade of good memories? Plus your beautiful children?

The trick is over-looking one another's shortcomings and the not so good memories and dwelling on the happy times you had together. (And you will have more of those happy times, in the future!)
Sincerely, Julie
(And thanks.)

<small>[ April 25, 2004, 04:06 AM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

BH & BT,
Thanks for your thoughts W & daughter are alive if not well. W will be spending at least a week off her feet and will probably need to go to an orthopedic specialist for the knee. Xrays seemed to indicate no breaks in wrists, ribs & legs.

Daughter having been in the back seat was better off. Just horrible headache and needed x rays to make sure the seat belt pressure hadn't broken a rib or the sternum.

BTW, my W's car was one of the larger SUVs. Had they been driving a smaller car I'm pretty sure that my W may not have survived. This SUV has a fromt end that is probalbly 5' to 5.5' long. It was compressed into 2.5'!

Sooo... next time you hear one of your local politicians, environmentalists, or whomever rail against the SUV and say they should be outlawed tell the pin heads not so politely to "sit down and shut up!"

cwmac

cwmac, my prayers to your family. i am glad no one was hurt too bad. take care.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Thankfully my W and youngest daughter are alive. Luckily no broken bones or concussions. They will be sore, stiff and bruised for days. The worst appears to be my W's knee that hit either the dashboard or the steering column. I am sitting in the family room past midnight unable to sleep.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG! Thank goodness your W & D are alive and ok. I can't even imagine what you have gone through since last night. (((((cwmac)))))

You know, you don't have to be a BS to appreciate your story. Anyone who loses sight of what's important in their lives would get a really quick reality check if something like this were to happen to someone they love.

I really wish your loved ones a quick recovery cwmac!

mrsx

cwmac, you are so forutunate they lived! I am so sorry for the trauma you endured. Thanks for posting this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cwmac:
<strong>

BTW, my W's car was one of the larger SUVs. Had they been driving a smaller car I'm pretty sure that my W may not have survived. This SUV has a fromt end that is probalbly 5' to 5.5' long. It was compressed into 2.5'!

Sooo... next time you hear one of your local politicians, environmentalists, or whomever rail against the SUV and say they should be outlawed tell the pin heads not so politely to "sit down and shut up!"

cwmac </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Agree 100%. My Jeep was hit broadside just AT the drivers back and my DH didn't receive a scratch. My beautiful 18 year old son was hit in the exact same place in his Cougar 4 years ago and was killed from a broken neck.

I'm glad they are going to be ok. Something similar happened to my FWH only he was still with the OW when it happened. I wasn't aware of it, no one told me :-( That's a really hard thing to deal with, I wasn't important enough to inform. It may have been a blessing in disguise though, I was spared the panic. I wasn't told until well after the fact and it was clear that he was alright.

Another thing that might be useful info to WS out there. The OW was told and she DIDN'T CARE. She didn't go to him, she didn't express any concern for him, she did not care!

I think that was a realization that helped him to see things a bit more clearly. No matter what he had done, no matter how many hurtful things he said to me, I LOVED him and would have been scared to death for him had I known.

For her it was just another day in the life of a narcissist, it didn't directly effect her so it didn't matter.

<small>[ April 25, 2004, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: toomanylies ]</small>

Two weeks after my husband told me about the affair, he was in a terrible car accident on his way to work. A woman was speeding through a red light and hit my H car. The impact was so hard his driver's side front tire went into his engine, just inches away from his door, Luckily there was a police car driving in front of him and witness the accident in his rearview mirror. He had to be cut out. He hit head on the windshield, he still has headaches, most of his complaints are his back and shoulder.

We both work late night, so right after the accident he tried to call me on my cell, but it was in my locker. He tried calling my work but the phone wasn't on night service, so we couldn't hear the phone ring. Since he couldn't get a hold me, he called the OW. When I found out 7 hours later, he told me he was in a hotel because the cops took all of his personal items so he could not come home. (which was true, because I went to Police station to pick them up). He told me his male friend had picked him, but in the hotel room, she left clues that a female was in his room. (like a maxi pad adhesive tab laid across the trash can, not in it, so it was easy for me to spot. )

I didn't press the issue, until a couple days later, because he was in so much pain. I asked him if a female was in his room, he deny it, until I kept on pressing, until he said the OW had picked him up from the hospital, but he reminded me he called me first, which I believe I saw the time of the accident on the police report and time he called me on my cell.

He should have called his mother, but he said since the OW was nurse, she could help him more.

I was hurt, why couldn't he tell me the truth to begin with, I would not be happy, but I knew nothing happened because he was in so much pain, he couldn't barely move. But instead it was just another lie, Even though he said he lies to protect me.

He told me he had broken up with her right before I came to the hotel room. He didn't have contact with her again until a couple days after Valentine's Day, I found out and he told me he was leaving me because he cause me too much pain.

But I know that scary feeling of maybe losing your spouse because someone woman was speeding through a red light, I'm blessed he is still alive, I just wish he was still with me.

MelodyLane: I'm so very sorry for your horrible loss. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It's amazing that we have the capacity to endure some incredibly difficult things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

cwmac: I'm glad your family is o.k. Your words of wisdom are heard and appreciated.

Lori

Fin Learning, Mrs X, Mel Lane, TMLies & HD2

Thanks for the kind words. They are appreciated. I wasn't looking for sympathy but was trying to express a different BS perspective.

Melody Lane, My feelings over my W and D's injuries gives me a small glimpse into your grief. Words don't express the feelings.

cwmac