It's been awhile since I've posted..so hope some old-timers are around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I feel the need to connect lately.
Things have been going well. I've been working fulltime at a job I like, etc. I've sold my house and looking for something new. My STBX is still with the OW (what happened to the six mth avg?) and is starting to really intergrate the kids with her. Yuk..still the hardest part for me to accept. I hate the idea of them being a family. I really didn't want them to be the 5% that lived happily ever after.
I have been dating a special person long distance for over a year. I wish he was closer and am unsure what will happen.
The reason I am writing is one I probably know the answer but..neither WS or I have filed for divorce of marriage(other pieces are done) and it is time. It has been over 2 yrs. In my state, we had to wait one year until filing. My conflict is that I did (and paid for) the financial paperwork and parenting plan..and part of me really feels that since he wanted the divorce than he can pay for it and file. I also think he doesn't want any responsiblity for this divorce..he can say, "she filed." But the other part of me knows that it is time to move on..tie up loose ends and call it a day. I would think the OW would want him divorced and I suppose there is a chance that he'll file. I've told him that if he gives me $400, I'll take care of it. But so far..no action. He is angry at me about it! He did tell my mother that "I suppose, we'll be filing soon."

I have never received much of an explanation, any information about the affair, or an I'm sorry. I have to accept that I'm not going to get closure from him and that is frustrating. He cried when the house sold last week and then spent the weekend outoftown with the OW.

Because I had information/investigation that provided me with the opportunity and the materials to sue OW for Alienation of Affection, I was able to keep her mostly out of the kids lives (except for dinners, etc) for two years. Now that the statute of limitations is up, she is around more. I was at a conference -gone for no more than 3 hours-and she showed-up at my son's hockey game. This is was the first time she has come to one of their activities. WS told me about it (after son did) and said it wouldn't happen again until she was invited. I have repeatedly asked for her to not be present at things I'm involved in..school, sports, birthday, etc. and so far that has been honored. But I have a feeling that reprieve is coming to a slow end. I don't know if I can handle having her there.
Once again, thanks for listening..any comments are appreciated!

Ironic turn of events..I just talked to WH and he said he was going to file for divorce this week and needed to an attorney to fight some things in our separation agreement. He asked why I wasn't going to file and I told him because he wanted the divorce that he could pay for it. He said he has waited two years and it is time and asked me if I wanted the divorce. What difference does that make at this point? Does he want me to say no to feed his ego? It just never ends.
So, if he really does file this week, I guess the question is answered and the OW will be in our lives full force..

Hi can't sleep,

It's possible that your WH is still bluffing BUT now is the time to protect yourself and get your own lawyer(if mediation is out of the question).

I can really sympathize with the OW situation.I haven't had to deal with that,yet,but I know it will be the hardest part of all of this if it comes to that.

The OW doesn't have to be in your lives full force,that's for sure.If you haven't already,start posting on the D board just to get some idea of what it may be like dealing with an x and their disgusting OP.IMO,you still have the right to be sure that the kids are safe if with your stbxh and this OP so still be their advocate and look for any unusual or bad behavior from now on.You also should insist that this OP not attempt to contact you for any reason unless that's what YOU want.

I wouldn't worry too much about percentages and living happily ever after.I highly doubt they are all that happy and over time the true test will be if they can stand each other and the new situation.This OW will undoubtedly pressure your WH to marry at some point.My feeling is that many if not most,OW are jealous of what the W has and their intent is to covet that position with the married man they are involved with.I doubt she is in this just for the ride.But,she may not like how things turn out and will dump your WH or vice versa.Anything could happen.Second marriages don't have the best advantages either,assuming they do marry one day.

One other thing,I don't know if this sounds right but when your WH asked you if a D is what you wanted,I think maybe he still has his doubts,either about really leaving you or this OW or about everything.If he didn't have doubts,he would be well on his way to D by now.Also,he never really explained why the A took place,what his feelings were or did any self introspection I presume.So,what he is carrying around inside now is just going to follow him.

I can't say I agree with the idea of you dating someone yourself while still married but I won't go into that with you.I would hope that you maintained your boundaries with the kids and didn't bring your OP into thier world yet either.Not a good example to be set for the kids by either of you.

O

CS,

Good to hear from you but a bit sad that you are still dealing with the fog. You are handling much better tho',. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for the filing, imho it s/b his responsiblity. Get yourself a good lawyer and make sure you all are not screwed by the Ws and OW. The A will soon petter out when they can no longer use you as their excuse. I don't believe his will last since he seems to be dependent on you doing his dirty work. So you have that to your advantage. Crazy but c/b true. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You have reached that point in your life where you are seeing things much clearer. Good to see the WS cry about the house but one's family is waaay more important and he ain't getting it yet. He will but it maybe too late. You though need to take care of you.

Lots of hugs and please keep in touch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.