My H left 4 days before our neice (His brother's child) was born (March 8th). Today the christening was held out of state. His brother and his wife invited me, they have no clue we are separated. My IL said that I could come, but my husband said no, and if I do come we have to sit separately and he will tell the family we are separated. My IL are the only ones who know. They also know the OW and totally against the relationship. My H has not spoken to his parents for over a month. In fact I have talked to him more, the last two phone conversations went well, I didn't mention the OW we just kept it to small talk, no angry words. My MIL wants him to tell the family, but he told me he won't because its suppose to be a happy occasion, and I agree that's why I didn't make a big stink about going He also he told me he doesn't care what his parents think and they can't run his life.

But right now I'm feeling really down, this is the first family event I had missed in fourteen years. It is so painful not to be able to attend and share in the joy of the chirstening of our neice. I will be going to New York next month to visit alone, but I'm afraid once I see the bundle of joy I will break down, not only because she is a blessing but my SIL and I were trying to get pregnant at the same time. Boy, how your life can change in a years time. I don't even know how or when it would be appropriate to tell the family or what do about family events. My H family is the only family I have. IL's have been very supportive.

I am so sorry.
No, you should not go and he should not tell the family and mar their happy occasion.

As soon as he is ready, he needs to tell his family members what is going on, it is his responsibility.

He needs to tell them before you show up alone , that will lead to uncomfortable questions and put you in a very awkward position.

I'm happy that your in-laws are supportive of you, but they are correct in saying that they cannot run his life.

I would avoid any contact with any of them until you know that your H has told them all the truth, you deserve that much from him.

HD,

You should be telling the entire family about his affair. Exposing it hastens it end because it makes the affair much more unpleasant by removing some of the fantasy aspect. I would call your IL's today and tell them about the affair and the separation. Tell them that you would love to come to the christening, but will understand if they don't want you to come in light of the circumstances.

Please stop helping your H hide his dirty little secret.

Hi HD2,

Welcome to MB.

Your WH sounds a lot like mine did.Didn't care what his family had to say about the disgusting affair he was in.He was determined to do what HE wanted no matter what.I am very close to my WH family too,especially my SIL.She has been a tremendous support throughout all this as well as my In-Laws.They are completely against the homewrecker(HW) and have told my WH and me,that she will never be welcomed into the family...ever.

So I had a Christening to go to as well for my niece but I just tried to look my best,stand strong and support my SIL.They all said that they would understand if I couldn't come what with all the pain and sadness of what I was going through but I wanted to be there(and I was a God Mother) so I made the trip.The only difference for me was my WH didn't try to prevent me from going.He knew he would get flack from his family for that and I honestly don't think he minded that I was there.He knows how close I am to his family.

I would tell the family about the A as soon as you can if your WH doesn't have the guts.Your WH is depending on you not to spill the beans so he can feel better in some demented way.If everyone knows then it is shining a big ole bright light right on him and his actions.Not a good place to be in.I told my in-laws and SIL and her family right away and they have been the best support I could ever hope for next to my own family.My WH even encouraged me to do so at the time since he knew I would need a lot of support for the bomb he dropped into my world.

It is terrible how things can change overnight or over a year but I do know that my WH family will always be there for me and my daughters.They keep hoping that my WH will finally get a clue and come to his senses but who knows.I still go to visit my SIL and In-laws whenever I can and for holidays or gatherings and they come to my home frequently too to visit and for support.Don't worry about crying in front of anyone at any time during this mess.Let them see how hurt you are and let them comfort you.It was so helpful to me when I needed it.

O

<small>[ April 25, 2004, 12:02 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Melody and October, good advice.
My advice was tempered with my own unfortunate in-law experiences...NO SUPPORT! H could not ever do anything that was not PERFECT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

In this case, the in-laws already know, so I think telling the SIL<BIL on the christening weekend would have been disruptive for everyone.

Now that the event is over, exposing the affair to the entire family is probably a good idea.

LadySing, that is so heartbreaking when the family takes the side of the one who is in the wrong! It is like a double blow to the BS. I agree with you that sometimes the IL's just don't care. How sad! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks for the advice. My in-laws have been great. What is sad is that my H has always been the peacemaker in the family. Always family oriented and for him to disassociate himself with his family, tells me the OW is in control. One of my theories is that the OW told my H to tell me not to come, because the christening was 9 hours away and the thought of us together so far away probably has her worried.

The reason that my MIL and FIL are the only family members who knows, is that everyone lives in other states. I wish I could be there and see my beautiful neice but my MIL said I will be there is spirit and I would have more time with my neice when I go up and visit on my own. I just wish I saw her for first time with my H, maybe seeing a beautiful baby will remind him how important marriage and family really are.