My WS left 4 days ago after the OW left her H. They went on a trip this weekend. I couldn't handle everything and I think the Zoloft that I just started made things worse. I ended up in the ER due to anxiety, vomiting, ect. My family tried to contact him to let him know and he was not around. Once he got the message on his way home from the trip he called me. I was trying plan B. He was balling hysterically asking what he has done. He is concerned about the baby. Now he wants to go to see my MC and have a plan for us. I am having a hard time believing him. How can you be sure they want to work things out. I am tired of catching him in lies so that he can see her. I don't think my health can take this uncertainty and back and fourth stuff.

Since you found the strength to write this post, you must be doing better?

I 'm glad your family was there for you.

If H was bawling hysterically and spoke of seeing your MC, maybe he got a wake up call.

Actions speak louder than words, so let's see what he does.

Please try real hard to continue being the strong one. If he senses your strength, it may give him the ability to completely lose his and hit rock bottom. This is usually a needed milestone.

My thoughts are with you.

WAT

durham, whatever you do, please don't lovebust him, ok? ALLOW HIM to feel guilty for his horrible behavior. If you lovebust him, you will interfere with that. This might be a huge wake up call to him.

Is he home yet?

durham, I am so sorry about that! I hope that your H is truthful about what he says!

You want to make sure that he stops seeing OW in order to pursue recovery. Make sure he writes a NC letter as well. Keep us posted and take care of yourself!

durham

Sometimes things like that wake our WH's.

We grew appart during our separation, then I had an accident on my bike. I called H to see if the insurance was still valid for both of us. He came to my rescue, and he thought that was what did it for him to know he still cared about me. Of course it has to pass 3 more months to have him back him. But that was the begining... Give it time, do not LB and try to see his actions.

Good luck

Durham, I'm so sorry to hear how this is affecting you!! I would suggest two things.

1. Stay out of contact with him for the moment.
2. Have your parents give him Penny Tupy or Steve Harley's number, or both, and tell him that if he wants to see you, he's going to have to get some help.

No, wait, I suggest three things, actually.

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!

i can empathize and i hope things start looking up for you. i don't feel like i have any advice or suggestions for you only to offer a prayer for you as i do for everyone here.

Durham,

I don't know what to say, but I like the advice you've gotten from WAT and Melody especially. Turning points are critical but it's hard to know what's a turning point for another person. Keep your short term expectations low and long term expectationshigh.

Take care.

oops.

<small>[ April 26, 2004, 09:23 AM: Message edited by: Loy ]</small>

Dear Durham,

You have stated that you are tired of H's lies and you suspect that you cannot believe what he says. There are a variety of types of lies, and characters of people who tell lies.

Some people will tell you that they are concerned about you, but are actaully only concerned with themselves.

As other posters have pointed out in your threads, husbands in affairs are often in denial about the affair, and tell lies that are fairly predictable. If you are able to predict the level of truth in your husband's statements, then perhaps his lies, in themselves, need not be the focal point of your problem solving processes.

I suspect that your husband has concern about you, particularly since you are in MC, and he is willing to continue MC.

I raised a number of questions in my post on your last thread, to which you have not posted replies. Certainly you will wish to keeps some replies private, for yourself. So I raise a few more questions for you to consider, still respecting your privacy.

What can you do to increase the level of trust for open discussions about your marital problems wiith H? Apparently H does not feel there is a sufficient level of trust to fully discuss OW with you. Are there other areas in which you could try to establish more receptivity to input? H has a duty to be honest with you, but a spouse has a duty to be ready to listen to an honest discussion of problems without anger or disdain.

Perahaps the central question could be, how can you best help H resolve his ambivalence toward you, the baby on the way, and OW?

Blessings

<small>[ April 26, 2004, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: Whaler ]</small>

Durham,

I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you've been having. "Just nerves" is like "just friends", isn't it? There's no "just" about it!

Please take care of yourself.
As the others have said, watch your H's *actions* rather than his words. Allow him to feel his pain, so he can internalize and learn from this experience.

Mostly I'm wanting to let you know that folks (even strangers) care about you. Take good care of you.

I like Just J's advice...give him the key, make him open the door. Pass along Penny or Steve's numbers and let him make the call.

Dear Durham,

I checked the Zoloft Web page, here is a copy of the precautions about pregnancy: zoloft.com


0.5 MRHD would be 100 MG, per day, apparently. The later trimesters are apparently problematic.

Alcohol&#8212;Although ZOLOFT did not potentiate the cognitive and psychomotor effects of alcohol in experiments with normal subjects, the concomitant use of ZOLOFT and alcohol is not recommended.


Pregnancy&#8212;Pregnancy Category C&#8212;Reproduction studies have been performed in rats and rabbits at doses up to 80 mg/kg/day and 40 mg/kg/day, respectively. These doses correspond to approximately 4 times the maximum recommended human dose (MRHD) on a mg/m2 basis. There was no evidence of teratogenicity at any dose level. When pregnant rats and rabbits were given sertraline during the period of organogenesis, delayed ossification was observed in fetuses at doses of 10 mg/kg (0.5 times the MRHD on a mg/m2 basis) in rats and 40 mg/kg (4 times the MRHD on a mg/m2 basis) in rabbits. When female rats received sertraline during the last third of gestation and throughout lactation, there was an increase in the number of stillborn pups and in the number of pups dying during the first 4 days after birth. Pup body weights were also decreased during the first four days after birth. These effects occurred at a dose of 20 mg/kg (1 times the MRHD on a mg/m2 basis). The no effect dose for rat pup mortality was 10 mg/kg (0.5 times the MRHD on a mg/m2 basis). The decrease in pup survival was shown to be due to in utero exposure to sertraline. The clinical significance of these effects is unknown. There are no adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnant women. ZOLOFT® (sertraline hydrochloride) should be used during pregnancy only if the potential benefit justifies the potential risk to the fetus.

Labor and Delivery&#8212;The effect of ZOLOFT on labor and delivery in humans is unknown.

Nursing Mothers&#8212;It is not known whether, and if so in what amount, sertraline or its metabolites are excreted in human milk. Because many drugs are excreted in human milk, caution should be exercised when ZOLOFT is administered to a nursing woman.

Physicians' Desk Reference® (PDR®).

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Initial Treatment
Dosage for Adults
Major Depressive Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder&#8212;ZOLOFT treatment should be administered at a dose of 50 mg once daily.

Panic Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder&#8212;ZOLOFT treatment should be initiated with a dose of 25 mg once daily. After one week, the dose should be increased to 50 mg once daily.

While a relationship between dose and effect has not been established for major depressive disorder, OCD, panic disorder, PTSD or social anxiety disorder, patients were dosed in a range of 50-200 mg/day in the clinical trials demonstrating the effectiveness of ZOLOFT for the treatment of these indications. Consequently, a dose of 50 mg, administered once daily, is recommended as the initial therapeutic dose. Patients not responding to a 50 mg dose may benefit from dose increases up to a maximum of 200 mg/day. Given the 24 hour elimination half-life of ZOLOFT, dose changes should not occur at intervals of less than 1 week.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder&#8212;ZOLOFT treatment

End of copy from the Zoloft Website

Blessings

<small>[ April 26, 2004, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: Whaler ]</small>