Just wanted to check in and give you guys an update. Went to see the counselor last week, but I didn't feel too comfortable and I don't think that I'll be going back. Started on the AD's and they made me feel terrible. I don't think that I'm going to continue taking any more meds.

H came back last Wednesday and we had an okay time over the last couple of days. He LOVED the way I looked - weight loss, got toned at the gym and bought new clothes. We made love and I was able to fill the love bank a bit and I actually felt pretty good. Yesterday, he was in a bad mood though. We were supposed to see a friend's band play and everything was set and then at the last minute he told me that he wanted to leave early because he needed to get stuff ready for work. I was a bit disappointed and he got angry at me and started shouting and told me that I was stupid and emotional. Also found out that he called OW last night when we were at the restaurant and left a message for her.

He tells me to quit bringing up the past and stop love busting. He wants to be with me, have babies and live life. OW is getting married to her fiancee and is 'supposedly' very happy. He says that I'm stupid for continuously bringing up the past and not letting things go. It makes him angry. He said that nothing is going on with OW; they like each other and are friends. EOS.

I'm sick of this entire crap. I'm sick of feeling like this, living my life like this, always worrying about OW and all the crap that goes along with it. Why should I put myself through AD's, counseling and all that? Maybe he just doesn't give a damn about me and how I'm feeling and probably secretly laughing about me at how stupid I am to put up with all of this. Maybe it is all true... Maybe I just need to wake up.

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I've been thinking about you all - Tinman, Roughroad... I hope you are okay.

Kati

thanks kati for giving an update and for thinking of us. i don't have the words to say to you. sounds like your H is still confused about a lot of things. such as, it's okay for him to still call the OW despite what you may feel, etc. i'm sorry to hear about the counseling thing. it can truly help a lot but i also know that sometimes it's not easy to find one that you feel comfortable with. i can almost guarantee though that you would feel comfortable w/steve harley from MB and would still encourage you to call him if you can.

i must admit that i'm envious of your situation. how i wish that my H would actually want to be w/me again and make love to me but i'm afraid that's not going to happen. i'm sure that the way your H is being doesn't make things any easier for you but just wanted to share my own thoughts. i'm starting to feel real needy and greedy about wanting people to pray for me and encourage me because it's not looking good for my M. i talked to my MIL yesterday and she basically told me that a D is coming, that's what my H wants, that she thinks we would both be happier if we got a D, that hopes things can work out amicably, that maybe if we had kids things would be different, and that she met the OW and she was "nice."

i don't know why i am so surprised at what i continue to find out but i just didn't think my H would actually introduce the OW to any part of his family while we were still M. i said that a lot in the conversation i had w/his mom, that we were still M. i talked to my mom yesterday and she said that my H called her. he made it sound like he was calling to apologize for what he done but when it got right down to it he had called to ask if she could take one of our dogs so that he could get the yard fixed in order to sell the house.

i don't want to take over your thread but just feeling down but don't want to lose hope. i have a session w/SH tomorrow and will hopefully give me some clarity. i talked to my pastor last night as well and that helped. i guess i'm going to have to start to look for another place to live so that i can take our dogs. anyway, i'll keep you and everyone posted. know that i've been thinking of you as well and will continue to pray for you as i do for all those on the forums.

RR,

I responded on Tinman's thread to what you wrote about your MIL. It really makes me almost physically ill to read what your H has been doing to you and I know that this is not the MB of doing things, but I'm almost inclined to say that you can do much better than him, but people say that to me all the time as well and I'm STILL with my H and I STILL love him, besides all the crap that he has put us through.

I think that is of very poor taste that your H has introduced the OW to your MIL and his family, especially since he hasn't even filed for divorce from you yet or even legal separation. Your MIL's words about the OW being a 'nice' person are just plain stupid, excuse my french! OW may very be a nice person, but she is causing a world of hurt to a person just as nice by sleeping with YOUR husband. A nice person would have told him that he would need to sort things out at home before he can go into any relationship with her and then left it at that and paid no further attention to him. That is what a NICE person would have done. She is VERY young and gullable and it may not work out for HER in the long run being with your husband. He's gonna be in a world of hurt, but that is the route that he is choosing.

Do not blame yourself for anything, RR. I know it is hard and who am I to give advice because I blame myself almost any day for all the crap in my M, even though it is not true.

I'm glad that you have your family behind you and please please stay strong, no matter what happens. You are a great person and even if this does not work out, you will emerge a better woman and it will only be an advantage to you in another relationship. RR, you WILL be fine; don't you worry about anything. In the end, it will all be fine for YOU.

Big cyberhugs to you!

Kati

Kati I'm at work right now so I have to keep this short, I will add more when lunch time comes. Thanks for thinking of me I appreciate it and I'm doing good working on myself so to speak.

I think RR is right maybe you should think of counseling with SH if you can and get your H involved. If your H doesn't want to spin it so that you say something like this to him. "H I would really like to have us do MC together it would be the greatest gift that you could give me and I could give you." Something along those lines. I wish you luck hang in there, baby steps remember. Prayers to you.

thinking of you and hope things are going "well" for you and your H. continued prayers to you.

Hi kati,

We have talked at length before and I haven't posted to you recently but I still think that your WH is placating you and you are still willing to put up with it.I hate that your WH has been calling you stupid and emotional.That is just plain mean.He doesn't want to give up the EA and so he throws you a bone or two(let's have kids,wants to be with you) but he is a classic cake eater,you know that.

It seems like you are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake without oars.You are just wading there in the water and not making any decisions about making your life better.I know it's hard.I still think you should have told OW's fiance.He still has a right to know about this "friendship" with your WH.

I'm sorry that the AD's made you feel bad.I take Remeron and have had no side effects.Maybe an option for you? And what happened with the counselor? Maybe you could see someone different? Please don't give up on AD's and counseling.They really could be of benefit to you.After I was on the Remeron for a few weeks,I really started to feel like my old self and I felt much stronger to make some decisions and think with a little less emotion.

Anyway,just thinking of you.Hang in there.

O

thinking of you and hope things are going well. wishing you continued strength and prayers to you.