Hello all,

I have been on a previous post talking about my WH filing for divorce. He is for sure filing. He says he is tired of trying and one person's love is not enough to withstand a marriage. Is there anyway I can change his mind at this point?

Well Faithfullogan, everything I know about the divorce process in the States (where I assume you are) I could write down on a smartie with a grease pencil. Up here in Canada, one cannot get a divorce unless proof of a marital breakdown. That is mental/physical cruelty, adultery or separation for 1 year. One cannot get the divorce claiming their own adultery. That's where I'm at. My wife has to wait the year befor filing.

One clever chap (Tinman) on another thread suggested pushing for a separation agreement. Might delay your H from trying to get the divorce if he can satisfy himself with that. I just looked at that thread and see you in there too so I guess you know that. Im sure some of the greater minds in this forum may be able to help.
My prayers.

He is for sure filing.
When you get the papers in your hand, you can belive he filed.
Until then, take it with a grain of salt.

Is there anyway I can change his mind at this point?
You CAN tell him you do not want a divorce and you know tha marriage can be saved.
Don't plead or beg with him.
Read "Surviving An Affair".

All I have done is beg. I am at my wits end. I can't even see straight.

Has he seen the lawyer? does he know how much a divorce will actually cost him? We are not talking a few thousands of $$$ here for the court fee! We are talking child support! alimony if your state has it! Etc, etc...Tell him you will give him custody of the children as well. See what he thinks of that! You cant support 2 children on your salary alone and you will not put them thru welfare! See what he says. Usually after a WH actually sees the lawyear and has a clear understanding of how much he will lose he will statrt to see the light. I am not only talking about money here. If he thinks he needs time to think, send him on his way for a while. He can sort his feelings out in that hotel room. let him see what it will be like alone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithfullogan:
<strong> All I have done is beg. I am at my wits end. I can't even see straight. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dont beg!!!

Are you still sure he hasn't been in contact with this OW? Sometimes,not always,when a WS bolts for the divorce papers,the OP is waiting in the wings.Just a thought.Maybe he is just scared of facing all the pain and frustration.Drag your feet with any D proceedings.He seems to be waffling big time.

O

Faithfull, as I told you before, I am not one of the wise ones here. I feel like I am learning as I go. So whatever I say check it out with folks here who know better than I do. The following is coming to my mind. For one thing I agree with Mom, quit the begging. I know you are freaking out here, but hopefully with an AD and some time you will feel stronger. Something I every now and then told my H was this, and I think it shook him up a bit. "It's not all about YOU choosing me, but about me choosing you." It was comforting for me to realize that also. I also was wondering if anyone knows about his A. Very few people know about my H's A. Our boys don't know, unless they heard us talking. My family doesn't know. Most of our friends don't know. I made it clear to my H that if he leaves me, for OW or not, it will be the reault of this A. If that time comes the secret will be out. I also told him OW's family will be informed also. I didn't say this vindictively, just strongly and clearly. So if our M ends he will know all of this was his choice, and now the reasons for that choice have to be revealed.

I'll be sending prayers your way. Hang tough girl. It ain't over till it's over. I wrote a post in the very beginning how this whole process is like a game and the MB site is like the command center. Just keep coming here for directions, OK? CV

all,

I can't give him custody of our children. I love them so much and don't know how I would deal with giving them up. They are my life. I can support them on my own. I have a wonderful job that pays enough to keep my home and has excellent health benefits. What if I give up custody and he does not come back? I have lost my kids forever.

I know it is not over till it is over but he is sure this is final.

Never been this scared in my life.

mom,
Tell him you will give him custody of the children as well. See what he thinks of that!
How is that going to show him "what he will lose"?
Also, MB i snot about playing games.
If she is not going to give up custody, she should not say it.

Alright I am updating you all and hoping you are still keeping up on this thread. Basically my husband did call OW today. OW husband called me and told me. He told OW that he is getting a divorce. He told me that he just thought she might want to know. I told him I feel he is still caught up in this affair or his hopes/fantasy of it. He says he is not. OW told him that she hopes that he is not getting a divorce because of her because it is not right. Her husband told me she has committed to not talking to him and wants nothing more to do with him. Hopefully this will help him see light huh?

He did call a lawyer and has called on an apartment. He will be staying with us tonight and leaving tomorrow. Do I stick with Plan A during this and hope that it all works out??

BTW I have been great about no begging:)

FL,

never ever use the kids as bargaining chips. If your marriage is truly over and divorce inevitable, you owe it to each other and the kids to work out a shared parenting agreement that's in the best interest of the children.

Unless there is something seriously wrong with you such as drug addiction or worse, it's extremely likely you will be the custodial parent. In fact, WH may very well change his mind when he sees what CS will cost him each month.

I agree with the others: you need to talk to a lawyer yourself. It doesn't mean you are bailing out of the marriage.

Alright I am bumping this up because I really would love to hear some advice on my plan. Should I stick with Plan A at this point or move on to Plan B?? Husband is insistant upon divorce at this time and has called lawyer.

You have read, Surviving An Affair", correct?

Do I stick with Plan A during this and hope that it all works out??
Yes, yes, yes. Stick with Plan A (at least for now). You may have to start thinking about Plan B for the future. Just give it some thought, don't do it yet, especially since the ow is saying, "no contact".

BTW I have been great about no begging:) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Husband is insistant upon divorce at this time and has called lawyer.
If i had a quarter for every time I've heard that here at MB.
Insisting and even calling a lawyer don't do too much.
If he actually does get one, you may consider talking to one to find out your options.
However, if you do talk with a lawyer;
1 - Do NOT let hubby know.
2 - Make sure the lawyer knows ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY you are not there to divorce. You want to stay married and are simply looking at your options.

I am reading your thread, please don't beg, I am learning that myself,, I am in similar situation and would give anything to have my husband home with me, but reality tells me that is just not going to happen. Infact, I am filing for divorce tomorrow, I can't take the in and out and back and forth, I am done with the games he's playing, I need a man I can trust and love me and respect me and so do you. Be patient, maybe if OW truely ends affair and sticks to her guns your husband will come around and realize what he had. In my situation OW's husband has filed for divorce on grounds of adultery. So my husband moved out to be with her the next day, guess that tells you were this is all headed. I have read so much info and on affairs and can so no real future for him with her but hey who am I to convenience him, guess he will learn the hard way.
I am very sad and would give anything to have my life back to normal but that's not going to happen.
Hang in there, sounds like yours may turn around once you get OW out of the picture things will lighten up for you. Maybe he will see the light when OW refuses contact with him, let him go let him realize what he had it could be the best thing for him
Stay strong!

Thank you all for your comments and help. I have appreciated all the support that this site gives. I am going to continue Plan A and keep coming here for support.