Its been 3 years since I saw that gift and discovered he was seeing someone (long distance while on business etc) He denied everything said I imagained it all. Since then , he has been a really good husband. I forgave affair but I can't get pass the lying about it. It is no use to talk we only argue, Its a he said ,she said situation. Dead end subject now. I tried for along time to get him to open up so I could get closure. I could never get through to him, he just said I imagined it all and was causing trouble NOW in the marriage. He is a highly principled man and I think he has his reasons for not being able to talk about it. I don't think he sees her and it was never a question of marrying her, was a friendship he needed at the time. I understand why he needed her. We did discuss our marriage and our major problem was dealt with and is no longer a problem. I don't undersand how a man can love someone and watch them go through emotional hell for 2 years. I was so depressed and not sleeping, crying all the usual things, but , this last year is better for me and I sleep better etc but it is often on my mind and I resent the fact that he denies me the truth so I can put this behind us. I have tried everything from writing to him, talking, saw 3 MC, all believed I didn't imagine anything b ut bottom line is, move on they say. If he hasn't talked now he won't. I just can't let it go and I want to. I can't get through to him the importance of honesty. He lied to me simple as that and I don't understand why. ANy ideas why he can lie so easily knowing I know the truth and yet turn around and be the nicest husband you could want. ??????

Hi.

sounds like we are on the opposite ends of the same question. see my link, H wants details, to see what i mean.

can we be of any help to each other???

Dear Confused lady,

My husband also denied and lied for over two years. So many things didn't add up. I didn't find this site until after he finally confessed. After my initial suspicions, he treated me better than he ever had, but I still had those lingering doubts.

However, I did spend hours crying out to God and I know that He worked on my husband. After the first year, I found a very sexual email that my husband had written to a woman. He claimed he had met this woman in a chatroom and it was all fantasy. He promised never to hurt me again. Then after two years, I found visits to pornographic sites on my computer and I confronted a very contrite husband. He finally admitted to an affair that had lasted nearly two years even though we had moved across the country. At this time, he realized that only God could make him into the man he really wanted to be and I am still in awe at the work God has done.

Matthew 10:26b says "There is nothing covered that shall not be revealed; and hidden that shall not be known." I would pray that God would reveal these secrets.

Although I thought I was going crazy for two years with all these missing puzzle pieces, I believe God was really with me. Reading posts on this site from women with husbands going through withdrawal from the OW makes me so sad. I'm not sure what my reaction would have been to helping my H get over the OW. The hurt and anger would have been unbearable.

Confused lady, I hope you find the answers you deserve soon.

Songbird