|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
This update has little to do with infidelity. My H & I will hit the 4 year recovery mark in May and our 21st wedding anniversary in June, but, GQII has long been my main posting forum. I've posted parts of my current situation on other threads, but wanted to bring it all together. H left home 2 weeks ago, but will soon be departing from his training station in a neighboring state. He'll be in Afghanistan for at least a year. To make matters a bit worse, the FOW is one of the co-leaders of my local Family Support group, as her H (married since the A, H's former housemate & best friend with whom she "cheated" on H for those who may recall the story) is deploying in the same group. So, I've gone to one support meeting, and have decided that seeing her, and hearing her speak on the topic of family support, is not conducive to a positive mental state for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . So, I don't foresee attending very often. One good thing, if this third marriage of hers falters as she's left alone, my H is not available. Co-workers having affairs and continuing to work together have such long-lasting, lingering, and unknown, consequences. Our teenage daughters are doing ok, sad that their dad will miss some landmark occasions, but, since H was gone for 7 months for Desert Storm, I know there really isn't any good time within a family. And certainly 2 communicating--and driving--teenagers have advantages for me to deal with over the preschoolers they were then. Anyway, if I fade into a MB lurker (is that even possible?) I want to say: Thank you Marriage Builders and posters for helping to form the coping skills that make it possible for me to get through this coming time. I'm a much happier, stronger, more confident woman than when I arrived in 12/98.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575 |
congrats lor----you sound as if you both are doing great.(except for that war/separation thingy <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ).
first off--please tell your husband that my family says thank you.
and if we--either here or the ladies board-- can do anything to help support your family at this difficult time--please let us know. i dont know what you are going through so i dont know what to do on my own. if we can somehow re-place the support group your not going to( and i agree with that) let us know. maybe we can do this for all the families that are going through this right now.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
Lor, I'll say a prayer for you and the family, and a special one for your husband. God bless---and don't be a stranger!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,299
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,299 |
Hey Lor,
I know that this is a difficult time for you and your family. I'm sure your emotions are in a whirl, so proud of his bravery yet so much wanting him home.
Thought and prayers with you always, but especially in this time. God bless you all.
Peppermint
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
Nikko, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> except for that war/separation thingy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too funny. But, our marriage is good and H settled my quick-rising doubts before he left. I'm proud of him too for doing what he believes he should do, and I can support that. I may need to take you up on that support as time goes on.... K, Seeing your post put a smile on my face. Thanks. Do I qualify as an old-timer yet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Peppermint, My emotions can get to whirling, but I do my level best to use all those emotion-management skills that were so hard-learned. Recovery doesn't mean there will be no challenges, right?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 175
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 175 |
Lor-- I'll join the support group. Our DS has received his orders to ship to Iraq in June. I wonder how many other MBers have family off fighting for our country... No one can possibly understand the emotions one goes through in sending a loved one off to fight. I thought I was prepared for the news, but... Take care, and keep posting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> --DT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Lor - best to you and your family.
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Do I qualify as an old-timer yet?Why not Grandma?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My prayers are with ya' both.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 840
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 840 |
Prayers and hugs to you and your family Lor...
God Bless
{{{{{{{{{{Lor and Family}}}}}}}}}}
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,455
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,455 |
Prayers and profound well wishes!
dewt (the artist formerly known as deut)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121 |
(((Lor))))
Please know my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family for your H's safe return home.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,236
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,236 |
Hey Lor, I am sorry that your H is one that has to go for the year, but thank him for serving our country and his family!!! You know I am in the book and if you need give me a call, I'll be there for you!!! Have never done the deployment but did do the year remote. So have a little inkling of what you are going through. I am not going to work again this summer so if you need some help at the store or just need a lunch buddy, I can bring Philly Ted's if you'd like let me know!!! Take care and Gods speed to your H, you and your girls!!! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hey did you hear I am going to be a grandma!!!! UGH!! That makes me old!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553 |
Hey, Lor, I'll keep praying, writing -- and, when things cool off here a bit (workload, job search, etc.) -- I'll give you a call. I'm with you, as always.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,909
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,909 |
I'll add my hugs...
and continued prayers.
Love,
Cali
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
I'm overwhelmed. In a good way. And I appreciate all and any prayers for our safety & well-being. DT--there are at least a few parents & partners on MB. Maybe we could start a thread, though perphaps the EN or Other Topics forum would be a better place than GQII. I came here because this is where I post. Nikko referred to Marriage Builders Ladies and there is a chat function there. If you want more info, let me know and I'll post the link. WAT--thanks, and you may know that I'll miss my H for watching the NFL games this fall. But I'm keeping our Sunday ticket <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Chris--Buddy, MB "old-timer" and "grandma" are a world apart. You got me looking at my 16 & 18 year old daughters...but, midriffs are flat & visible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Anyway, thanks, "Gramps" for that moment of gray hair. Dewt--I knew you had been Deut. Posted to you on your thread. Patient Love, Nerly, Cali, AM, thank you, you are all strong women who I admire. Daybreak--I LOVE Philly Teds. My youngest doesn't, poor kid threw up the first time she had one, so it isn't something I'll bring home. I was viewing Afghanistan as not very different from a remote, the mission being nation building, but this week when Pat Tillman (NFL AZ Cardinal who chose the Army Rangers instead) was killed in AFG...my mindset changed. As did my H's.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 732
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 732 |
Lor -
I'm a military wife. My H was on the front line for 10 years. I know all about FSGs. I was a leader in our family support group for years. I have a tip that might help you.
I'm sure you have friends in this group....friends that can go to this meeting and bring you back the details. You can usually get an agenda from your key caller and make a list of your questions prior to the meeting. Pass this list off to your friend and see if she can get some answers for you. Make sure your friend picks up any handouts....call lists, schedules, tax info and brings you a copy.
I'm not sure what your H's unit is but my H's unit would not give out much info on the status of the troops because they were black ops soldiers and we weren't supposed to know.
I would also make sure your Key Caller knows that you will not be attending these meetings but would like to remain very involved in the FSG. As a leader I was very frustrated with wives that would not come to meetings but call me twice a week with questions that could have been answered if they had only attended the meeting.
I do not blame you one tiny bit for not wanting to go to these meetings. It's sad that you are in this situation. Just when you should only be worried about your H's saftey and the well-being of your family you have to be faced with this. What's wrong with this world?!?!?!?!?!
So let your friends in the unit's FSG help you through this and avoid contact with OW. Hold your head high and know that you did nothing wrong here.
My prayers are with you. God bless you and your family.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
LOR...
Continued Blessings to you and your family...
Strength to all of you...
ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
Lor, You qualify---although only special people get to be noted by having registered "A Long Time Ago"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ April 28, 2004, 08:45 AM: Message edited by: K ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
Heroswife, Thanks for the information, I hadn't thought too much about it from the leader's view. My H volunteered to replace a soldier in this unit who had a heart attack, so he was only with the unit 3 weeks before they went (also the amount of notice we had), so I'm not very familiar with who is in the unit...which may entail going to a few meetings to find a "friend". I have known the other co-leader a long time, long enough to know she's likely to tell me to suck it up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and just be there. I don't want my lack of willingness to be a problem for anyone else, it's crummy enough that it is my problem. But, you have given me some ideas that may work later on. I do know I didn't do anything wrong, I've been going to Christmas parties, retirements, weddings, funerals etc with the FOW in attendance for many years. But I've never had to listen to her, I've always been able to get away. Ark--my goodness that was short! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So, since Barry is too mushy right now, any music recommendations? K--I lost my first MB identity and had to re-register, thus the later date and I believe disqualifiying me for A long Time Ago! You all are great.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
So, since Barry is too mushy right now, any music recommendations? I am not coming between terrified and her barry...not that kind of girl.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> been singing a lot of grateful dead lately...... St. Stephens....Uncle Johns Band... but feel the need for some Steely Dan.. and some squeezes "up the junction".... My Old School...and Back Jack Do It Again..comes to mind...especially on these boards.... What ever happened to Boz Scaggs? I keep thinking that... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I probably couldn't name 10 current top 40 artists if you put a gun to my head.... and NO Buffet till after Memorial Day..it's the law.... ARK
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
331
guests, and
58
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,500
Members71,974
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
