Lor~


Wanted to give you support during this time (before & after) your husband deploys. You helped me so many times. Best of luck to your husband and you.

I am glad you are here on MB.

bighope.

Ark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I probably couldn't name 10 current top 40 artists if you put a gun to my head

Toss of names like Linkin Park, Nickelback, Godsmack...know that Good Charlotte sold out...

I've spent 2 back to back weekends on long car rides with teenagers. I played my Best of Gordon Lightfoot and my YD says "what's with this guy and rain, trains, and go-go girls?" I never realized Gord was so unhappy & socially maladapted.

Hi Judy--soooo will you root for the Rams with me? No Rams/Bronco game this year.

Lor -

If your co-leader is the type of person to tell you to suck it up then stay far far away from her as well. The FSG is there for your support and not there to make you feel bad. If one of my wives expressed concerns to me about feeling uncomfortable during an FSG meeting I would do everything in my power to make that wife comfortable.

If I was a leader in this organization and knew about this situation I would likely ask the Leader/OW to step down. I need leaders...she's not the type of person I would want leading the wives of my H's unit. This type of person is poison in the ranks...even if she is a civilian. When our family members go to war they need to know that their families are going to be well supported back home. With people of this OW's integrity are leading the FSGs what kind of comfort does this provide?

So I would say you probably already have a key caller assigned to you. Try to develop a relationship with this person. Make her your friend. You do not have to diclose the details of the situation to her but you can tell her that there are circumstances that make you uncomfortable at these meetings. Explain to her that you want to be involved as much as possible without attending the actual meetings. Ask her if she will please pass along any and all information from the meetings to you. Agree to meet her at a specified time and place to pick up any materials or communication that cannot be provided via email or phone calls. (I had to meet wives in parking lots to give out info some times because we couldn't use phone lines to discuss.)

You can get the information you need without having to be face to face with OW. I would also direct you to meet with the Rear Detachment NCO or Officer. If you do not feel comfortable discussing this with your Key Caller. You can meet with the Rear D....give some insight to the situation and ask for assistance. That is this person's full time job while the troops are deployed. Use all resources available. Think outside of the box.

You'll still have your MB support group!

Heroswife,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I was a leader in this organization and knew about this situation I would likely ask the Leader/OW to step down. I need leaders...she's not the type of person I would want leading the wives of my H's unit. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The FOW is the 1st Sargeant's wife, and military herself, and one of the things that irked me so much at the meeting I attended was how many times she was called on and referred to as a valuable source. And, in some ways that could be true. Her PA with my H has been over 4 1/2 years and she's been married nearly 3. Even I don't think it is relevant to the rest of the group that I will always see her as a homewrecker. Over the years I've heard her referred to as a "sweetie" more times than I can puke <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

So far there hasn't been any calling, but I believe the person in charge is the wife of the guy who didn't go because of his heart attack...and she didn't think there was a necessity for calling trees, she's since been told there is by the "suck it up" leader.

I do know the state FSG person and my H told me to call that person directly if I needed anything. I will also find out who the Rear Detachment NCO is.

Since my H has his cell phone and is still in country, the FSG hasn't really been on my mind as a source for info. I know they've also set up a website that the FSG will have information on as well.

I truly don't know how much I want to be involved. All I remember from Desert Storm was a lot of crying at the meetings, but what you are saying tells me the process has been improved.

Oh {{{Lor}}}

It just all seems so unfair to me that you have to go throught THIS now! I know I'd be very depressed. Heck, I'm depressed for you! I can't imagine dealing with my DH leaving for any great length of time.

And have to see and listen to OW open her hole and be called sweetie. BLECH!

Makes me want to take a vacation and it's not even happening to me.

Just know we will be your willing supporters in this. I hope you will remember something while Guard is gone.....

..."And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

May God give you abundant strength and peace. You've got another link in your prayer chain here!

Mthrrbrd,
Romans is already working, I've been on St. John's Wort since early January, seasonal blahs, but I think having it established in my system has helped me not to sink into depression.

I forget sometimes that some of you would remember when H/Guard posted.

There truly is a world of difference between a spouse leaving for military/work duty and one who cuts out on the marriage for an A. As long as I'm sure it is the former and not an excuse to repeat the latter, I can do this.

One more thought on the FSG, I really don't think it would do the other wives any good to look at the very attractive FOW and know that she was (hopefully past tense) what she was--a female co-worker who doesn't value the marriages of others, or her own. Nobody in that group that I've seen needs that scare in their minds while their spouses are gone.

Maybe I'm making excuses for not taking some action, but I've thought about this a lot and I'd rather let the group remain as it is, as it existed without me for 4-6 months as they knew the unit's activation was coming and my H was safe at that time in a non-deployable unit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nobody in that group that I've seen needs that scare in their minds while their spouses are gone. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is one instance where "ignorance is bliss" I can't see the benefit of putting additional stressors on any family already going through having spouses separated. I agree with your decision whole heartedly. Blessings to you and family!