This is something I have been battling with since we have seperated. And I keep hearing the samething over and over and over.

Granted she has done a lot of things and said a lot of things that have given me great pause, and I am sure she may feel the same way, however I realize most of those were/are fogese. Yes they hurt like hell, worse than any pain I have felt but I have been there faithfully while dealing with the same things she may be feeling. It's not like there is only one person feeling pain here, there are 2.

We have had several opportunitys to SERIOUSLY get back together and work things out and when it comes down to the line, she tells me she needs more time, and she is not ready yet but tells me Ill be the first to know when she is. WTF is that?

6 months after we seperated was an opportune time to get back together, when we seperated we agreed to give it 6 months of cooling off. We were both at the end of our respective leases. She chose to move to a new apt with her roommate and sign for another year.

The end of that lease we had another opportuntity, she chose to go to her own apt and live on her own this time stating the drama she went thru with her roommate was the main reason we could not get back together and she wanted her own space and not have the responsibility of worrying what was next with her roommate or the financial drama of living with someone financially irresponsible.

Her new apt lease ends in Sept, as well as mine. This would be the absolute opportune time for us to finally get it together and be back together and raise our son together.

She, I feel, is going to be too afraid to make that committment because of fears of us not working out and then she would go thru that emotional turmoil again.

I told her if we get back together that we will have to make and look at our marriage much different than before if it is to succeed, something I am committed to do.

I really feel that she is using this "i need more time thing" as an excuse because I see so many things still that are totally detremental that she is doing that are so counter-productive to marriage, meanwhile our child is growing without the benefit of 2 fulltime parents and it is affecting him.

We do things together, go places together, share things together, talk together but something is not meshing enough to bring us back together (or at least make her want to come home and be the wife she was or the mother she is).

It seems like she wants to wash her hands of the whole marriage and forget it even existed at times, at least that is her attitude.

She says she needs more time, but this could go on for years and years.

I honestly don't feel like I can wait another year if she decides in Sept to stay out on her own and not come back to the marital home, raise or son together ect.

I am wondering if this whole "time" thing is really what she is needing or...........

What I am going to do is give her a home to come back to and feel comfortable in that would negate any excuse of "I can't live here" I will give her every reason to come home, so I guess I know where she really stands if she decides not.

<small>[ April 27, 2004, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: HunterFox ]</small>

I don't know how to counsel you on this one. I can't even imagine the fortitude and patience you must have to have made it this long...

One question though, have you told her about this site? Do you think she would come and visit/read/post?

dewt

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dewt:
<strong> I don't know how to counsel you on this one. I can't even imagine the fortitude and patience you must have to have made it this long...

One question though, have you told her about this site? Do you think she would come and visit/read/post?

dewt </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it has been a long time. We started to emotionally seperate 07-2001 and then physically (when she moved out) 07-2002, although she really didnt want come home much or spend anytime together during 07-01 thru 07-02 (I was an at home dad from 9/10/01 thru 02/01/02 due to financial and daycare difficulties. This really took a toll on her as she was the only income. She wanted me to work at night but she did'nt care to come home enough for me to be able to do that and I could not find any care for our child that would work, she told me to work it all out as she had things to do and a life to live.

Well, things between us got much worse after she moved out because she was being fed so much negative stuff by her roommate (who I co-incidentally am suing for causing emotional distress of a family).

The facts are I love my wife dearly and deeply that is why I have "waited" for so long. I have not been with another woman or even entertained the thought this entire time. My focus has been on myself and trying to provide some semblance of a life for our child.

When I look at the great years that we did have together is what gets me thru and keeps me there, I tend to look at all the good we had in our marriage because it was good, she was nothing like she is today at all, not even in the slightest.

What I have learned is how NOT to repeat the same mistakes I made before that got us to this point. I have paid a heavy heavy price and I have learned.

What really gets me is that IF by chance I get into another relationship is that all I learned in this one will be applied but I would much rather apply it to my marriage now and create something special again in it than start over. I simply love my wife more than words.

I just wish it was vice versa.

As far as her reading on this site, sure I'll give her the WWW but I know she wont visit because she doesn't believe in outside help, even though it would be greatly beneficial to her.

<small>[ April 27, 2004, 08:59 PM: Message edited by: HunterFox ]</small>

Well, I admire you for your perseverance.

I wish I could say that I've learned from my mistakes...

It's a pity that she is so set in her course. I hope that you do give her the www.com and she comes and reads and hope even more that she'll pop in and post...

dewt (who's cutting it short cause he has a doozy of a post to post)