J.L.,

I think we've forgotten how to stop....as for my DJ, the emphasis was on "enough"....as ridiculous and as full of blame as it sounds, it comes from a place that just cannot fathom his decision then and there, in the face of us discussing things about my return that very afternoon on the phone... I understand and agree with your points, I just...emotional right now...ummm...he made this decision saturday, and we had spent thursday and friday speaking...as well as that day itself....my stupid, petty point is that this just hurts ...he had what he wanted right there...he may not have had a date set...as in JUne 23, but J.L., I asked him to call U-Haul for quotes...we needed to know financially what we required...I'm stunnned...perhaps its just the timing...we have had such good contact...I mean, I was just there for a physical visit...and yes, it was a little bit "physical"......He spoke of us making steps towards intimacy, intercourse being witheld because it is "sacred"......these words came out of him ...while I was there....and a few days later, this is the choice he made....my anger comes as I struggle to comprehend this choice....yet he has made it, and we need to "go from there"...but I am still "here"....

and I don't quite know what to do...
or where to turn...

Dylan,

Where to turn? Well, turn to your religion, your morals, your background, and turn toward Dewt. Why the last suggestion? If you don't turn toward him you will never see him, and thus you will never know what to do. I don't think you two have been turned toward each other and really looked into each others eyes and hearts for many many years. I think it is time you did that.

You see you have both done enough damage to justify ending this mess, and yet...something is still there isn't it? At this point the bookkeeping of he did this, she did that, etc, is meaningless. You both have hurt each other. There is something still there, but neither of you fully know what it is, and the reason for that is that you have stopped facing each other and being honest.

So Dylan, my suggestion is that you quit running from this. My suggestion is that whatever decision you make will NOT satisfy you until you two turn toward one another and recognize the damage each of you are capable of. Then you will know if each of you is capable of as much love as you are damage.

I don't know if it will work, but neither of you guys seems to want to file for divorce, so I can only conclude that you both deep down have a lot of love for each other. I also think you each expect things from the other, that the other cannot deliver. That needs to be acknowledged and discussed.

So I will repeat my answer turn to your religion, your morals, your beliefs, and turn toward your spouse. That is where I would tell you to turn.

God Bless,

JL