Hi All,

My WW (Wayward Wife) is planning on moving out the house. She says she needs time alone to think. Currently we are living in a small 2 bedroom apartment. 2yr DD and 17 yr DS (from previous marriage). We've realised that this place is to cramped and I've been looking for a larger house for a while now but haven't found anything that suits location, price, and requirements.
The idea is that my WW and daughter remain in the 2 bedroom apartment (giving her time to think in a familiar environment) and I move into the larger premises with DS. Also, I work from home, so I need the extra office space anyway.
In the mean time (before I get a larger house) she has been thinking of moving in with friends. She had stayed with her parent last week for a couple of days but upon me (BS) revealing to the in-laws the truth of the A, her mom became very angry and my WW has moved back in with me (she doesn't know where else to go). I haven't told her that it was me who leaked the truth of the A (I think I did good there). She hasn't asked but won't lie if she does ask if I was the one who revealed the A.
She's still reluctant on leaving OM (co-worker). She sees him everyday anyway. Not quite sure about them meeting out of work hours (lunch time?), as I'm round my WW most of the other time. My thoughts for me moving into a nice larger house would perhaps appeal to my W to move in again. She also mentioned that if she would come 'back' she don't want to come back to the smal apartment. So I think it is crucial that I do get a larger house, in a building style that she likes. O dear . . . .

Any advice on how I should handle this? Shall I give her the space she wants?
Thanks.

Mostly when WS's want to move out to have time to think, what they mean is they want to move out to be able to continue the A. I would not make it easy for her by moving. Let her stay with friends. She'll get real tired of that.

In the meantime, continue looking for a bigger place. Then you will have a nice home for your family and WW, if she wants to come back.

I'm afraid by letting her stay in the apartment and you moving, you will be increasing your expenses, and enabling her affair.

I agree.As soon as you can find a house,move in but don't let her stay and you leave.Make it clear that you will not be the one to enable her A.You don't have to tell her directly but just be sure you stand your ground.If she doesn't want to move into the house once you get one,let finding another place to stay be her problem.Even so far as paying for it herself.You shouldn't agree to dual households unless she is capable of doing it on her own and doesn't throw you into financial ruin.

Also,IMO,I would have both kids stay with you.Until she ends the A,I don't believe that she has the kids best interests at heart,they should stay with the more stable parent.She is confused,making bad decisions and hurting from the mess she is in.So protect those kids first.

O

It's for that reason I want to get a really nice house. Something where she can see that she'll be loosing out on of she stays away. But then what does she really want, me or the house?

We are both financially sound and can easily manage the 2 properties. We have got other properties oversees that are on the market for finance this new house.

I do have some hope as when I speak to her on the phone (at work), she is really nice to me. Perhaps this is just a show for other co-workers to appear that nothing is wrong with her M. When she comes home then she becomes cold and tries to avoid me, especially direct contact, i.e. theres nothing in a hug, she's just limb and after 2 seconds start patting me on the back like 'that's enough of that'. Other times she's more passionate.

In the book HNHN in the chapter of 'surviving and affair' ?? it states that a lengthy sepperation is recommended if the WS is unwilling to leave the OP. I think she's using the advice.