Ok as you know my husband has contacted a lawyer and he called OW yesterday. OW insisted upon no contact and her husband called me. Well I wanted to make sure that OW husband knew everything I did about things so I sent him and email exposing everything I knew. My husband read my mail and he is furious. Says that I always lie and keep things from him. He has had OW telephone number for a couple weeks and he had his friend pay to get it off the internet. He never told me but he did not lie. He just with held information and that is ok. I mean why is ok for the WS to lie/with hold stuff but if BS does not tell everything or even checks up on WS they are horrible people. He is filing for divorce because he is just fed up with dealing with me and my lies and pushing for our marriage. Ok I forgive him for his affair and yes I still check up on him 7 weeks later is that not normal?? If I told him all the ways I checked up on him it would not get me anywhere and I could not be sure.

IS this still the stinking fog talking because it is killing me?

Yes, he is still in fogland and he is mad because you have caught him in yet another one of his lies. he is trying to justify his actions and blame them on YOU! he has now turned it all around and basically saying you are at fault for all of this. He can deal with YOUR lies..what about his lies?

I still check up on my husband. I have flat out told him I do not trust him and have asked him to call me and let me know exactly where he is at all times. he is gladly obliging (spelling of that word in unknown to me) to my wishes. Trust is BUILT on HONESTY and OPENESS! That is the only way you will be able to trust him again is with him being honest AND open with you. If it would make him feel better, share with him what you are doing. Then he has no excuse for YOU lying to him. See if he gets mad at that, and I will guarantee you he will.

he is not mad at you for doing what you did, he is mad cuz he got caught. he is seeing OW, you have proven that.

he is just fed up with dealing with me and my lies

What are you lying about? you are simply checking up on your husband. Has he proven otherwise he can be trusted? NOPE! next time, tell him everything you are doing...dont hide anything from him. He is looking for ammunition, so dont give it to him. He is also mad OW doesn't want him right now. And he is blaming that on you it seems. hang in there Faithful!

Mom -

I am hanging in there and thanks for the post. I went to the doctor yesterday and he put me on lexapro?? He said I will be feeling positive by the weekend. Wahooo. My husband is out thinking right now. Hopefully he will come back positive but I am doubting that to be the case. He will still want his divorce. Until he is willing to understand the trust issue like your husband I will just stick with Plan A and hope he comes out of the fog:). It just makes me so angry when it is all my fault and he can't seem to see any fault of his own.

Faithful, he wont see any of this as his fault until the fog lifts. he is still so deep into fogland. This is so familiar to me. So close to home. I am so glad you are some AD's. You will feel so much better. And remember, until you actually see those papers, dont believe a word he says. he is talking thru the fog right now. And what is so sad, is that he actually believes himself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Faithfull,

Lying by OMISSION is the same as just plain ole lying.If there is ever to be any trust built between two people you cannot withhold information that is pertinent to the situation.Your WH should have told you what he was doing but did not.

My WH is good at lying by omission too and also,recently,trying to blame ME because I have to snoop!But we do it because we have to. Well I HATE snooping and this is what this disgusting A has done to me.But without trust,you have to go find answers on your own,right?

I hope your WH cools down and comes back home to discuss things.Tensions are high with him and I think he is just mad because everything is not going his way or smoothly.But how the heck can they given what you have been through and his attitude.Using your "lies" as an excuse to end the marriage is yet,another lie.Geeze.

O

Faithfull, I'm so glad your doctor prescribed an AD. The full effects won't kick in for at least several weeks, but if you get the same results as me, your crying will become less and you will cope better hopefully be the weekend. The benefit also is that you will be calmer and clearer with your H. While he is running around in his lies and confusion, he will witness you keeping it together. You will look more attractive to him.

As far as him talking about your lying, I'll tell you what helped me. Just look at him like an alien really did take over his body. It actually can be humorous at times. When he gets into the fogtalk just look into those blank eyes of his and while he's yapping away at how everything is your fault (yadda, yadda, yadda) you can be thinking, "Hmmmm, this alien is very interesting."

Keep posting! CV