Well, H is trying so hard now. He is calling me everywhere he goes. If he stops here he calls...when he is leaving some place he calls. And actually, I am geting a bit annoyed, BUT that is what I asked for. When he called me the last time I was in Foleys looking at some shoes. I asked him if he felt silly about calling me so often and he said "well sort of, but I have to get used to it". I told him that it wasn't that I didn't trust him and he interrupted me and said "you dont trust me, I know...I wouldn't trust me either". he says he just needs to get used to the calling me so often.

Sooo, should I feel bad about him having to call me to let me know his wherabouts or should I feel happy that he is calling me and letting me know. I dont want him to get so annoyed he loses love bank points with me.

On a side note, I just went to Victoria Secrets and bought some new undies and a matching bra for our trip to SF this weekend.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sooo, should I feel bad about him having to call me to let me know his wherabouts or should I feel happy that he is calling me and letting me know. I dont want him to get so annoyed he loses love bank points with me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mom,

Eliminate negative feelings. Focus on the positive. Be happy he is doing what he needs to do. POJA how often or at what times of his day is most reassuring for him to call. Important he feels like a willing, accountable man and not a little boy checking in with mommy. Think positive, work hard to produce positive.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> On a side note, I just went to Victoria Secrets and bought some new undies and a matching bra for our trip to SF this weekend.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good girl, now think up something naughty and different to do to surprise him with when you're wearing that new outfit!

<small>[ April 28, 2004, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: mthrrhbard ]</small>

I was there too! You do feel kind of like you should trust him because he is your husband and you know he wants to do things right, but like my H told me also "You don't trust me and you have the right not to. I betrayed your trust and now I need to build that up again"

So go ahead and let him call, it will taper off as time goes on. First- I would tell my H that it was okay if he only told me where he was going and when he was leaving, then call when he got home. Then I went to please let me know where you are going and give me a call at work during the day.

We are 10 months out from D Day. I still have the need to know where he is and when he will be home. He has actually said he likes knowing my schedule too and feels better knowing that I know his. So this will probably be a lifelong thing and that is great with me. It truthfully has brought us closer, nothing like hearing from the one you love during the day and getting and receiving the warm fuzzies that you get from hearing their voice.

Congrats and good luck with everything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mom I post to you quite often because I feel you really are going to make it.

I am going to say this on your post because a lot of people read your posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am leaving work tomorrow, I'm having a couple of weeks off and then deciding what I want to do next. One of the ladies at work said to me "You are really going to be missed Jenny, you are a lovely person."

Do you know since I've been on MB I've been defined as a FWW. That is not who I am. I am a person who made a mistake in my life after nearly 30 years of marriage. Before that and now, I am still Jenny, who has never made an ethical mistake before in my life. I am honest, I have never stolen anything, I've never broken any law, I care for people, I love my H and my children.

I'm so sorry Mom for threadjacking but this came to me in a flash the other night.

By the way, Dad and you are doing very well. (Do you think he saw your picture, read our comments and realised what he had and what he might lose) I hope so. You use that Victoria's Secret underwear and he won't know what hit him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jenny

<small>[ April 29, 2004, 02:49 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Mom, I'm going to highjack your post for a minute. Have fun with the Victoria Secret underwear and H.

Kiwi, your post was interesting to me. Just last night H said something which he has said to me before. He told me he is an honest person and he never lied before the A. At the moment all I can see is that he is a lier now, or at least he was up until 5 weeks ago when he confessed he broke NC. That he lied to me for almost a year. I know it kills him that he lost his integrity. I hope one day I can really look at him as a man of integrity again. A man who truly would never lie to me. He'll say something to me and expects me now to just believe him. The lies do have an impact on trust. I just told him trust now has to be earned.

I empathize with what you are saying. You, like H, have good in you. I know that. I'm sure your H is beyond where I'm at. H is still going through withdrawal. I just can't look at him yet without seeing the lies too. CV

Hey,

Use the quick phone calls to fulfill a need...SF? Make something up, like, I was doing laundry and saw my clothes were dirty so I took them off too, now I'm standing int he laundry room naked, and YOU call, waht timing...

Or, I'm just shopping and found something SOOOOo cute, how do they charge so much for so little lace... should I wear it tonight?

Always thank him for the call...

But you will need fewer phone calls as your trust returns...as time goes by.

Mom,

Don't you dare feel silly, please know that you are so blessed that your H is willing to do whatever he needs to show you that he is trying to work on your M.

I am almost 2 yrs. past DDay, H has been home a year & I still can't get him to be accountable to me for his time, one phone call a week is a gift from him, I am about to go to Plan B. So don't think it silly or take it for granted that H is calling, IMO a former WS can never call too much!

Mom -

You seem to be in a really good place now. Not only is your FWH checking in like a good boy, but he doesn't mind doing it! Great progress!! You must think back and realize how far you've come in only a couple of months. I know you two will have a great weekend in SF - wish I was going.

On a different note, my WH is moving into his own apt on Saturday - he's "looking forward to it". He says that he is tired of his life being a train wreck, and that she has too much influence on his life (DUH!!). HE is in charge again. So, not necessarily the best news in the world for me, it is DEFINITELY bad news for her and their R.

Baby steps.

Again, congrats....
- WHB

Mom,

I think it's great that Dad is willing to do whatever it takes. This won't always be necessary, but while it is be glad that he is willing.

My wife and I are very excited about the MB weekend in SF. We are hoping that we'll learn somethings that posting and reading books just can't teach.

Glad to hear things are going so well.

Titleist