I'll try to make this quick...

My H posts on a message board (this is where he met OW). I went to the website and looked in his Inbox and there was a message from OW. The subject of the message was missing you. I opened it and the message was only :-( .

My H leaves himself logged in on our computer and knows I check in on the site. The message hadn't been opened yet (OW sent it 4/27 around 9:30am). Here's my dilemma... what do I do? I can't make it look as if it's been unread, so my options are to 1) delete it, 2) leave it and he'll know I've read it, 3) write her back with something like I miss my H too, why don't you work on your own M and leave ours alone.

As far as where C between them stands, she calls him at work about every other week (she's in another state, she supposedly gets "in trouble" with her H when she calls so she doesn't call often). He had a separate email account he was using to email with her, but a few weeks ago he told her he wasn't going to use it anymore, and if she wanted to email him she'd have to send it to his regular yahoo account. Since then she hasn't sent anything to the yahoo account because she thinks I'm reading it.

Last week I had a long talk with my H and explained how the continued C made me feel. I told him when we agreed to try to work on the M, it was with the understanding that there would be NC. This has not happened. I let him know that to me it was a continuation of his betrayal and hurt me very deeply. I told him I would not continue in a M where there was no trust and their continued C meant my trust in him could not be rebuilt. It was a long talk and I laid everything on the line. Since then he has started reading After the Affair to try to understand how his A has affected me. He said I gave him alot to think about and he wanted to think about everything and we'd talk about it again later.

So, that's it in a nutshell. Any ideas about what I should do about this message??? Should I be honest and tell him it's there? Should I just delete it? Should I write back to her so she knows that I have access to this avenue of communication too???

I'd appreciate any ideas or suggestions on how to handle this! I think H and I have been making good strides lately and I don't want to do anything to hinder that!

Thanks in advance,
trying

If you want honesty from him....then you must practice it as well. I would advise you to tell him the truth....you saw it, couldn't resist opening it, and that it hurts to know that she is still trying to contact him. Has he written a NC letter?

Thank you Starfish for your quick reply! I read your post and I think you are absolutely right on. I guess I just needed someone to nudge me in the right direction. If I want and expect honesty, then I need to be honest myself.

Thanks again!

Starfish, forgot to answer your question. No, there hasn't been a NC letter written. I actually feel like we're getting close to that point where he'll do it on his own and stick to it (I've lost count of how many times they "tried" to end C). That's why I wanted to make sure I handled this the right way.

I have a question as well as a response.

What type of message board is it that your H is posting on?

I also agree with star*fish.
I whole heartedly agree with snooping if the feeling is needed. Once the trust is broken it's almost impossible not to do...though sometimes we find out things we would rather not know...but still...I think it is something we all do at one point or another.

He knew you checked on that board and he left himself signed in...so all you need to do is let him know it's there and how upset you were to know that he is still leaving an avenue of contact with her.

If he truly wants to work on this marriage then he should have no problem with it.