I fight the feeling of wanting to seek out who this person is that hubby is seeing.
He moved out 10days ago once the affair was out.
He will not give much info. She is married and close to finishing up her divorce and has no kids. He says divorce was in process when they got emotionally together. This is all I know.

I suspect it is someone from work . . . but not sure.

Does the information help or am I being sick wanting to know. I want to know who and how they met. I want to know where he is at night. I have no means of really contacting him except for a beeper and it drives me crazy.

WF, of course you need to know who is helping destroy your life. This is information about YOUR LIFE. You have every right to know the identity of the OW. And it is probably a lie about her getting a divorce, it often is. I would find out who it is and notify her spouse. You might want to also notify all of your relatives, his relatives and his workplace. The more you expose, the more conflict you will bring into the affair.

P.S. can you hire a P.I. to tail him? Can you tap into email or get his cell phone bill to find out who she is?

Whitefeather,
I feel you are perfectly "sane" in wanting to know. Very normal and very understandable.

If it was me, I would just have to find out some way, somehow. The NOT knowing would just drive me batty. (And it sounds like you too!)

Maybe you could follow him or something. Sorry not much help on the detective part of the plan. Just wanted to show my support in your having a "right" to know.
Its almost impossible to break up an A, when you know next to nothing about it. How can you "out" someone ... when you don't even know who they are? (yea, kind of tough huh)? It also helps mentally and emotionally to at least Know whom it is your up against. (Our imaginations are ALWAYS much worse than the truth!)

In any case, Good luck and successful hunting!

Could you ask one of his friends or co-workers? Once you get a name, you can do internet searches. I've seen pop-ups for an outfit called USSearch, but I think you need a name to get anywhere with it. I really understand the "need-to-know." My search for truth nearly drove me insane. I found facts much easier to deal with than my imagination. Good luck! --DT

Can't afford a PI. I have asked friends that may or maynot know and they have been supportive but this affair is apparently VERY secretive.
I've gone through the cell phone list and nothing.
He is not a computer person, so no email information to check.

Only thing I can think of is to follow him after work one evening but even then he is so observant I don't think I could hide myself even in a different car.

He has said she is coming close to a divorce and there is one lady at work that, according to a coworker fits that description but he is not aware of who the person is. It may not be this woman.

I truly believe he has kept this VERY secretive.
He doesn't really have any buddies he hangs out with. And he works long hours. (yes, paycheck reflects that - I know what most would think)

I feel a bit odd asking for some friend to do this for me. Seems so unethical. But I could see it being rather easily done by someone he doesn't know.

I appreciate the comments. I do think its only right that their safe haven be exposed. I just want him to know, I know.

Your wanting to know seems very normal to me.

I know we can't turn back the hands of time, but I wish my husband HAD exposed the affair I had. It would have ended it, I'm sure. In his case, he says he was curious to know who OP was but then again he was repulsed and wanted no part of me or OP.

It's not unethical to find out this information. You're not the one cheating, so don't worry about ethics.

HP

If he has access to a computer at work they might use hotmail or Yahoo to communicate. Very tough to check on this when you don't have access to the computer. I discovered my WW's A by getting into these emails. My WW & her OM only communicate by email & never by phone.

I appreciate all of your replies. I feel better about my desire to want to know. Just wish I could pull this off without involving friends to snoop.
Have considered maybe renting a car to do it. I just don't know if I can.
Also not 100% sure of how stupid I would get with information. I have no doubts I'm not violent or anything. But I can see myself as being a crazed crying woman.
Have fantasized that I would just be parked on the curb in the morning when hubby goes to work. Just sit there long enough to let him see me, I don't know?

www.survivinginfidelity.com has info and suggestions in their forums about "finding out" and doing your own detective work. Most of it is computer related but you might find some helpful info anyway.

<small>[ April 29, 2004, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

thanks I'll check it out

Hi whitefeather,

Just to add in my two cents.It did really help me to know about the homewrecker and I know everything there is to know.I had a few helpers in that department but WH wasn't exactly the best at hiding stuff either.I wanted to know just incase something comes up where I do need to know.

You can find out just about anything about anyone if you need to.If you get any info at some point(i.e cell phone or phone number),here are some sites to check out,but some cost:

www.anywho.com
www.discreetdata.com
www.skiptrace.com

There's plenty more out there too.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whitefeather:
<strong>

I feel a bit odd asking for some friend to do this for me. Seems so unethical. But I could see it being rather easily done by someone he doesn't know.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WF, how is it unethical to catch someone who is destroying you behind your back? I don't understand your thinking here. It is unethical to destroy someone, it is not unethical to CATCH them. No one has the right to the privacy to destroy you.

I would not hesistate to ask a friend to help me catch my H in an affair. And anyone who is truly a friend should be glad to help you.