I'm sorry about what you're going through.
Your wife is close to the same age I was when I started the affair.
Give it time, and I'm sure your wife will see what a huge mistake she's making.
It's hard to pinpoint one thing that made me want to be with my husband again. The pull of the affair was very strong, and it was almost like being on a drug. I know that sounds corny, but that's how it was.
I saw early on that the OP was a scoundrel of sorts, but that didn't even stop me from continuing the affair. I never really truly stopped loving my husband, the OP was just very different than him and perhaps the affair was like an escape from my life. When it started, I didn't have a career, and was overwhelmed with my kids. It was an escape. Perhaps this is how it is for your wife.
The guilt led me to want a separation. At first it was fine, and then I began to see the serious nightmare I'd made.
My advice to you is to be pleasant to your wife, and don't beg her to come back. Be confident, and act like you're moving along in your life. (not dating, but being a man about things)
During our YEARS apart, my husband was always very cool with me, and distant. This broke my heart inside, as I still loved him...even though I was still seeing OM.
The fog lifted FULLY over a year after separation. The affair was the biggest mistake of my life, no doubt.
Even during our separation and divorce, my husband was always helpful when I needed help . He wasn't overly nice about it, but that showed me again what a caring person he was. Be helpful, but not overly friendly.
In time she'll see how the OP really is. Give it time, time, and patience.
Sorry I can't be more helpful! It's the worse thing I've ever gone through, to have an affair and realize what an idiot I was. It takes a swallowing of pride to turn around when you've messed up royally. I can't even imagine what a BS goes through. It's sad to know one has sunk as low as I have, in the past.
Take care,
H_P
