Hello,
Some of you know me from before, but I see many new names here now. I haven't posted in awhile, but I did want to do so again for two reasons. I want to thank many, and I want to give hope to those who need hope.

First of all, thanks to all of you for helping me through the nightmare of my divorce- after my affair. Thanks to all of you for understanding the remorse and pain I felt, and for understanding my deep need and desire to reconcile with my ex-husband after the mess I'd created.

It's very hard to love someone so deeply, and realize you've messed things up so badly that they tell you it's over, forever.

Thankfully, it wasn't over, forever, and time and patience paid off. (Thanks, J.L. Thanks, Redhat, too, for reminding me that I shouldn't give up until my then exHusband had remarried someone else. You were right!)

Waiting it out, so to speak, for my husband to return to me was the hardest thing I've had to endure in my life.

I asked for a 'second chance'with him for over 2 1/2 years before I finally got that chance. All told, we were not living under the same roof for almost 3 1/2 years. That's a long time, really.

We didn't begin to 'date' until the divorce had been final for over 16 months. At that point, OM had been out of the picture for 17 months.

My message to the new people here who don't know my story is to simply wait things out, follow the principles here, and don't give up.

Less than a MONTH before husband and I remarried, he told folks at work that there was NO CHANCE with me, ever. This shows how we all can say things, out of defensiveness or self-protection, that we don't really mean.

Life is very good. The other day I looked out the window and saw him working in the yard and I shook my head in wonder, wonder that he was really here after so much pain, loneliness, and sheer agony.

Our marriage is better now than it ever was before. We've learned to be very honest, and direct, and not let things harbor.

It's sad that I had to lose him, and be such an idiot, to see what I'd lost. I've forgiven myself for my foolish, hideous affair, but more importantly, he forgave me before we remarried--three YEARS after he found out about it. Time and patience!

It is possible, with God's help and YOUR patience, to rebuild a marriage from literally ashes of destruction. It was all very one-sided for years as far as wanting a reconciliation, but it did happen. Amazing, and wonderful.

Love can endure, even through horrific pain and betrayal.

Hopeful_Person

-divorced after almost 21 years of marriage
-remarried about 16 months later
- 3 children, all late, mid teens
-came to MB after my divorce, posted a long time here before seeing any 'hope' from my husband. Basically did a Plan A for 16 months,before husband 'came around'.
-length of my affair- 5 years (including the last two years of H and I living under the same roof, most of it long distance 'internet'/mail/phone calls )

H_P,

I am glad to see you back. Alot of people need the hope your situation offers. I hope they post to you and ask for advice, because I think you are uniquely qualified to provide the answers they seek, WS and BS alike.

I am so glad that you and H are doing well. Man, I love not having to type that darned ex stuff any more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am sure your children are very happy as well as the rest of your family. You two have done a remarkable thing.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks, JL! It's great to see you.

Your support has been fantastic. Thanks again. I don't mean to sound corny, but I don't know what I would have done without the support of MB.

Take care,
HP

hp,

Make sure you base your M with MB, 4 gifts of love including POJA. I am happy for you, where is my klenex ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . Even not all M could be saved and should be saved, in your case you have a chance and I am glad that you presevered and stick it out. You are blessed and make sure you let him know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Thanks for stopping by.

-rh-

H_P.... this is, I believe, my favorite story of all the ones I've read since coming here to MB. You and your Husband (!!!!) are truly models that more people should remember and follow, and I hope you'll continue to tell your story here and everywhere that people will listen to you.

Hmmm. Speaking of which, would you e-mail me off-board? I've got a question for you. The address is in my sig.

Thanks, Redhat and JustJ.

Yes, REdhat, we're following those principles. Everything is going wonderfully. For what it's worth, Dr. Laura's The Care and FEeding of Husbands has been helpful, too. I see now what a big drag I used to be. No wonder my husband withdrew from me.

Just J, did you see this thread I posted to you earlier in the month? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=027707#000000

I'm glad our story has meant so much to you! There truly is hope, even when it seems doubtful.

Why don't you ask the question on a thread, instead of the email. I prefer not emailing people from the board. I hope you understand this, and please don't take it personally. I don't nor I haven't emailed anyone from here, ever. Again, please ask the question on the board.

Take care,
HP

Hi H_P!! No, I didn't see that earlier thread. I don't read here as much as I used to; I've become involved with Penny Tupy's work and that leads me to a lot of behind-the-scenes work that doesn't get posted on the boards.

The reason I asked you to e-mail me was in regard to that. There's a reclamation board for waywards who want to go home over on SYMC; I think it's unique because it's limited to folks who are or were waywards, and I would love to see you get involved. If you want to, check it out over there. I usually don't post about it here simply because I don't want to take away from the great work that's done here... this piece is just something that I haven't seen anywhere else, and I think it's a really important contribution to the whole marital recovery community.

I hope you'll consider it!

Oh... a web link would be good, wouldn't it? It's over at SYMC's gathering. You won't be able to get into the Reclamation board without signing up and getting permission.... but please consider it. Thanks!

Hey H_P!
Good to hear from you! I'm so happy things continue to go well for you!

I needed the reminder of your happy ending, especially right now, when things don't look so good for my situation!
It reminds me that I need to stay strong and true to the principles!

Take care!

Thanks, Shugah! Don't give up!

Just J thanks for the invitation but right now I just don't have extra time for anything new. I happen to be off a few days a week, thus the time here. Who knows though, maybe someday. Right now I'm trying to put it all behind me, but I know people can learn from each other. Thanks again for thinking of me.

H_P

<small>[ April 29, 2004, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Him ]</small>

H_P,
Thanks for the update.

I understand that you are thankful to your H for taking you back. I hope you realize someday how many of the blessings you have come from not giving up. Or perhaps you already know.

I hope you do, because the boost to your self esteem will help you all the rest of your life.

I hope you will be able to teach others what you have learned - especially your children.

It is hard to get across some things with words. I want somehow to convey the admiration and respect I have for you. Often the difference between success, and failure is just a little bit of continued effort. You were willing to give it even though it was so very hard for you the last few months. WELL DONE !

I hope you will come back from time to time and let us know how you are. It means a lot to hear from you.

SS

Hopeful_Person
I am not familiar with your story so I do have a lot of questions.
I guess as being a BS I would like to know if while you were with OP did you miss your H? And did you do a lot of the fog talk? Also what could your H have done to help your return? I am so hurt right now it's hard to know what to do. My WS left me for a woman (use the term loosely)
he knew only 3 days. Moved in together 6 weeks later and she got pregnant but then misscarried. Well, now she's pg. again but I doubt it's WS's as she has been with so many other men. She's married, has 2 kids, etc.. He won't even see her faults and acts like he hates me. Anything you could tell me would be helpful. (It's been 16 months since he met her).
Glad things have worked out for you!

HELP. Need advice.