Hi - I'm new here and in a tormented time. (I don't know all the terminology yet, sorry! I'm learning). Married 7 years together for 12. My husband's been dredging up old girlfriends actively lately, and I suspect emotional if not actual physical infidelity (and I may have learned that he's been at it for far longer than I imagined....perhaps we never should've been together. But that's another story). For other reasons too, I've been deeply unhappy this past year.

I've found that I've been actively, fiercely perusing the online personals...seeking encounters if only just to talk. oddly i've even made contacts with people i consider friends, guys in similar transitional situations who genuinely understand what i'm going thru right now. i've had one physical affair (the first i've ever had) and one very intense correspondence w/someone, that's hard to describe...it's pretty sexual, emotional, but we haven't met only talked but i find myself very intensely attached to him. and, a couple of guys that i consider friends. i don't know what to make of all this, and i don't know where it's headed. i try very hard to cover my tracks. it's very heady and escapist but also very addicting. am i normal? what should i do about these people? are these all affairs?

Yes, you are having affairs with each person you are talking to on your on line personal service. What you are doing is avoiding the problems in your marriage and creating new problems that will make it more difficult to resolve the problems in your marriage. I would recommend that you stop the online affairs and tell all to your husband. That will create a crisis in your relationship, but hopefully you will able to address the real problems in your relationship. If you do not stop and tell him the truth, then you will be living a lie and will be unable to live in a fully committed and fully loving relationship with your husband. Stop now before you become even more involved and unable to focus on your marriage. Maybe your marriage stinks and maybe the eventual end result is divorce; however you will never be able to know unless you focus on the marriage and try to resolve the problems that contributed to you making the poor decisions you are making now.

Bump for Doobie's story to be heard...

I hear ya!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Bump for Doobie's story to be heard... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thanks....

update...his primary emotional involvement's been uncovered/confessed in counseling. it was in place before we even met and never went away, only been reactivated with phone (possibly)/email/letter contact recently.

i've had recent brief physical encounters (2) and one abovementioned more intense but non-physical involvement for which i know folks here will scream and rant at me.

i am distracted and confused.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by doobie:
<strong>i know folks here will scream and rant at me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Probably not.

Why do you think so? Because that's the first way you responded to me, hmmmmm?

I'll bet you are here because you are questioning your behavior, and this is good. We all should do this on a continual basis.