I feel so close to telling H about my PA.
I'm scared- so so so scared.
What if leaves... I will be nothing without him.
I have tried to warn OM-he won't take my calls...
I don't even care... OM W can find out from my H..
Help Me...

I will send up a prayer for you tonight.


GB

PAL,
You WILL be something even if your H leaves you. You will be a person who had enough respect for yourself that you freed yourself of the chains of dishonesty.

As long as you keep this secret, you WILL be scared, you WILL be conflicted, you WILL be continuing to lie. Each day that passes is one more day that you have allowed this lie to continue. Why would you want to live that way?

When you are ready to move on with your life, you WILL tell you H the truth. Until you do that, you will continue this anguish that you have decided to live in.

DO NOT contact the OM, by doing this, you make yourself his partner. His W will find out, your H will find out, the sooner you tell the truth the sooner you can work on rebuilding your marriage instead of sending it further into the darkness.

Please consider this: If you don't tell your H and remain married, you will be afraid EVERY day of what he might find out. You will continue to live with this guilt.

If you DO tell him, you might be able to begin to recover your marriage based on truth or your marriage might break up. Either way, the guilt is GONE. You don't have to live with it anymore. Your H DESERVES to know the truth and if he finds out from someone other than you, it will be MUCH worse.

You have everything to gain by telling the truth and moving on with your own life, married or not. You cannot continue in a dishonest marriage and live with it, can you?

Please do it today, we have told you many times prior all the reasons that you need to do this. Go back and read the earlier posts, re-read them, do the right thing for yourself and your H.

All of this is sensible-it is fear I know.
He will look at me differently-
touch me differently.
what if he wants details...
it seems like twisting the knife...
I am closer-now it is weekend-
& we can have time to talk-
Thanks - pal

PAL,
YOU are twisting the knife by continuing the deception.

It IS fear that is making you continue this. Don't you want to free yourself from that? It can't be any worse than living with the lie.

You are afraid of how he will touch you, the questions he will ask. Those are rational fears, it WILL be different. You can NEVER change what you did.

The only thing you can do now to begin on a new path is to own up to your decisions and actions and be mature enough to face reality.

The affair is now a part of your life forever. It is also a part of your H's life, he just does not know it. Is there anything fair about changing someone's life and not telling them that you have done that? Everything that you do now in your marriage and relationship with you H is tainted by your continued deception.

Either tell him the truth, ot walk away and let him figure it out on his own. You should not remain in this marriage unless you are willing to tell him the truth. I know this sounds harsh, life is harsh.

The truth is the only path to happiness for you married or not, do the right thing for both of you. Do it this weekend.

ark-are you online? need help-I am weak today-this could be my H DDay...

PAL,
I'm not really sure why you choose a public forum to address only one poster.

Others have responded here and on other threads to try to help you through this difficult time. I realize that you may connect with one person, but by only reaching out to and responding to them, you are missing the opportunity to learn from many perspectives.

If you think that this "may" be your H's D-day and that it makes you weak, think again! When you tell him, you will be showing how much strength you really have, that you are ready to fight for your marriage!

I will bow out of this thread and leave it to the one you addressed it to, hope ARK shows up for the help you are looking for.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by peaceandlove:
<strong> I feel so close to telling H about my PA.
I'm scared- so so so scared.
What if leaves... I will be nothing without him.
I have tried to warn OM-he won't take my calls...
I don't even care... OM W can find out from my H..
Help Me... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">((((PAL))))

Honey, don't let the fear stop you from doing the right thing. You need to get this weight from off of your shoulders, your H needs to know the truth. Your only shot at recovery is absolute and complete honesty!

I confessed to my H, he never in a MILLION YEARS would have guessed I was having an A. Read my posts for my story. I was soooo scared to tell him, I was scared he would freak out and kick me out on my butt. I didn't want to give him the devastating news. I realized that I had ALREADY hurt him by having the A, and by keeping it a secret I was STILL hurting him. I told him and you know what? He STILL LOVES ME, we are STILL TOGETHER.

Your H deserves the truth from you. You can't predict his reaction but you can at least let him know where HE stands in your M. When you tell him, please give him a link to this site so that he can get information and support from the people here. Your H loves you and he most likely will want to forgive you and work on the M.

You will be ok. You will be in my thoughts....

mrsx

peaceandlove...

I don't know what to tell you that already hasn't been said to you...

and I am gunshy that you will say I am attacking you...
so and but...
I am just going to say...that if "I/we" are going to ask for honesty from you...then we/I should be honest with you...

the last post I read from you ...you ended it with some sentiment about finding a stranger who looks like they need a touch of kindness...

and I could think of is that when ever Mother Theresa of Calcutta...toured the US>...
when she addressed the Prayer Breakfast at the Whitehouse...whenever she addressed people about love in action....she never ever asked or wanted them to come to India to help her and her Sisters....
she always
always...

taught that love, compassion, humility...all begin at home....
that it must start there and must be nurtured and gardened at home....for she was not interested in people escaping to her world of poverty...only to neglect the emotional poverty in their own homes and community....

your husband...more than that stranger....needs that touch of kindness from you peaceandlove...

it begins at home...
it begins with you..

If you really believed that you didn't need to tell him....it wouldn't be bothering you like it...

ARK