Had a moderate level talk with my WAW about things tonight on somewhat of a sexual level. The icebreaker was when I dropped our son off at her home and there was a commercial on about Viagra. We were joking around a little when that was on and I just happened to blurt out "ya know that stuff really does work" it took her by surprise a little.
She looked at me and said "how would you know and who have you been trying it on?" I got a little miffed about the accusation and said "I have not "tried" it on anyone, I have not been with another woman ever since we split, you know that, and I would never lie about that" I her told what convinced me to try it is that my "lower performance" is always something that bothered me because I always felt she was "un-satisfied". She said it never bothered her. I told her that was fine but that sex with you is something I always cared about deeply and passionately and IF we ever get back together it is something that I want an improvement on in our relationship. I added that I also have been taking anti-snore pills as well because that was an issue for her that I never took action on and caused us to eventually sleep apart.
She said the reason we are not having sex now is that she is "unsure" if she wants to get back into a relationship with me and doesnt want to send me the wrong message by having sex with me and giving me "false hope".
She said "I am a different person now that we area apart and I have had to condition myself to the fact that I have to take care of me"
I said to her "if we ever get back together that our situation and goals would have to be different than before if we were going to work and it would not make sense to go back to the same problems we had before because you see where that got us and that is where we are right now".
When we were together she was a SAHM that didn't get out and was completely reliant on me for everything and that obviously didnt work so we would have to have different plans for us to live together again. I told her that was probably part of the problem is that you never had your own "independance" and "space" that you needed for our marriage to thrive.
I told her I still want our marriage but want to take it to a more mature nuturing loving caring compassionate level. I said we have been together for many years and we owe it to our marriage to look at it differently for it to succeed, not just for us but for our son.
I asked her if she would consider counseling again and she said she would. I also said to her that regardless of us at this point I need her to help me raise our son, I said to her I have been doing the best I can in raising him but I need her to step up because me raising him is a responsibility we BOTH have to share for his own good.
<small>[ April 30, 2004, 02:45 AM: Message edited by: HunterFox ]</small>
