ok... now what do we do? There's an air show this next weekend, and H and I have been looking forward to going (I requested it for a Mother's Day celebration, and it's also one of H's favorite things to do). I found out today that OM and his W are planning on going, as well. I don't know which day that they are going... but we were planning on going on Sat. I struggled with telling my H that they were going, cause I was afraid that he would say that we couldn't go now... but I told him anyway. I'm not really concerned about it for me, to be honest. Maybe I'm just being naive or something, but I don't have any problem with the thought of seeing OM in a crowd or whatever. I wouldn't go over and talk to him or anything, of course! I'm concerned for my H, though... I don't want him to have to deal with seeing OM... but I also don't want them to ruin the fun day that we had planned! I have visions of my H looking over his shoulder for OM all day... and that wouldn't be fun. I'm torn.

CW

Why do you know that the OM and his W are going?

I don't know your story, so wondered why you are in contact.

Air shows have THOUSANDS of people at them. If you are going to avoid it because of the OM, you are going to need to move to the North Pole.

Without knowing your story or situation with the other family, I am concerned about why you know what they are doing. Air Shows are pretty standard fare on military bases and when I lived on one, EVERYONE went.

If you are in No Contact and rebuilding your own marriage, the OM's presence should have no impact on your attendance. Go and have a good time.

Lady-
Thanks for responding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You're right... air shows are very crowded places. H and I have agreed that we are going to the air show.
As for your question, I know that they are going because OM's W and I email occasionally. She and I were friends, and she made a point of emailing me after final NC was established to tell me that she forgave me and would like to maintain a slight level of friendship. I received an email from her this morning, and it included the fact that they will be attending the air show.

Thanks again,
CW

I can understand your concern for your H seeing the OM....but if you live in the same town or area it's something that your H will have to deal with.
It's going to come up some time...the fact that he will see the OM in public....what better time then when he is with YOU.

I don't see the OW on a daily basis....but I do see her H around town on a daily basis....it's something I've learned to deal with and it doesn't even bother me anymore....even to see the OW doesn't bother me anymore.

It is good that you told him that they would be there.....at least he knows what to expect....but avoiding doing things because they might be at the same funtion will only end up causing resentment....not directed at just them....but maybe to you also for creating the situation.

I say go for it....it's part of the healing process.

OK, I'm going to be honest here, I am REALLY uncomfortable with the OM's W e-mailing you and wanting to continue a friendship...

I am glad that No-contact has been established and that she expressed her forgiveness towards you but I think that any continued contact amongst any of you is just kind of creepy.

My H's A was with another military W and he should have lost his career over it...She is a bigger woman than I am, and I will leave it at that.

Her e-mail to you let you know about their personal life. You should not be included in that. I would not respond in any way.

Are you on the same base, or is she just "keeping in touch" for the sake of it? In any case, I would concentrate on my own marriage and avoid any contact of any kind. Just my 2 cents...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ladysing58
Member
Member # 12723

posted April 30, 2004 10:15 AM
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OK, I'm going to be honest here, I am REALLY uncomfortable with the OM's W e-mailing you and wanting to continue a friendship...

I am glad that No-contact has been established and that she expressed her forgiveness towards you but I think that any continued contact amongst any of you is just kind of creepy.

My H's A was with another military W and he should have lost his career over it...She is a bigger woman than I am, and I will leave it at that.

Her e-mail to you let you know about their personal life. You should not be included in that. I would not respond in any way.

Are you on the same base, or is she just "keeping in touch" for the sake of it? In any case, I would concentrate on my own marriage and avoid any contact of any kind. Just my 2 cents... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't know about this....I haven't been here in a while and am a little out of touch with everyones stories.

I completely agree with Ladysing.

"Keeping in touch" leaves a "door open".

I would discontinue any sort of relationship with both of them friendly or not for the sake of your marriage.

How does your H feel about continued contact with the OM's W?

Miss-
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if you live in the same town or area it's something that your H will have to deal with.
It's going to come up some time...the fact that he will see the OM in public....what better time then when he is with YOU.

It is good that you told him that they would be there.....at least he knows what to expect
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right. We do live in the same area. H and I decided that we didn't want to rip our family up to move... so it is bound to happen someday. I hadn't thought about the fact that it's probably good if it DOES happen when H and I are together. That would be the best way for all involved.
H said the same thing to me - that he was glad that I told him so that at least he knows what to expect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm so grateful that I can be honest with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's good to hear that it doesn't bother you to see OW or her H around town... I don't know if it will ever be that way for my H or not. Only time will tell. Our 2 families don't travel in the same circles, though, so it shouldn't be a problem very often anyway.

CW

Miss and Lady-
I know that it's strange... I figured that I'd get that sort of reaction. Immediately following NC, however, it was a very good thing for me to be in contact with OM's W... it was a reminder when I was going through the worst of the withdrawal that if I were to contact OM, I would be hurting my friend as well as my H all over again. Even when I was in the deep fog and tried to blame my A on my H, I couldn't get past the fact that I'd hurt someone who had never done anything but be my friend. So... weird as it was and is, it was good for me at the time. Then when H and I started working on recovery, I was able to share with her a bit about how H and I were doing and what we were doing to repair our marriage. She responded positively, telling me that it was a relief to her to know that we were doing well (in other words, I wouldn't be after her husband anymore!). Strange? Yes. Helpful? In my case - yes. I truly believe that it was.
As for my H's feelings on the matter? We have discussed it many times... and we have settled into a process where I let him read her emails to me, and also have him read my emails before I send them to her. There have been a couple of times where he has asked me to leave something out or revise something, and I don't have any problem with that. He is comfortable with that arrangement, as well. She and I will never be what I consider good friends again. In fact, our emails have become less and less frequent as time goes by. I have only seen positive things come from it so far, though... so I've taken the attitude that if she wants to keep in touch - I see no reason not to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CW