Gosh, this is just so eye-opening for me! Thanks so much for sharing your personal perceptions!
Pepperband: FUN IS GOOD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ... would NEVER want to take that away from anyone!
3isacrowd : On not being sure if one is in "recovery"-- is there a definite (ie: Harley) definition on what constitutes recovery? Seriously (??)... I dunno the answer to that??!
I do, however, understand wanting to be around people who "get you"... it's hard to repeat your story over and over again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .
worthatry : OK, you got me! I never thought about people who were in the divorced category, yet considered themselves "recovered". Again, is there a specific HARLEY RULE that states RECOVERED, yet DIVORCED, INDIVIDUALS are not welcome in recovery?? I dunno about that either! I would like to think that you ARE WELCOME in RECOVERY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Certainly, I would like to think that I would WELCOME YOU <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .
Miss Priss : I find your assessment somewhat interesting... that people posting on RF are still in "chaos". Mind you,
I'm NOT disagreeing... I just find it interesting that you posted this information. I'm also wondering if others have a personal definition of what "recovery" is(??)... or if there is a certain "something" that one thinks they must possess in order to post in Recovery ??! Again, I dunno (??!).
Personally, I don't care who posts in "recovery"-- as far as I'm concerned, y'all are welcomed!
As for having a "reason" to post on one forum -vs- another, I was simply curious why certain posters choose one forum over another (no more, no less).
hope4future : Awwww, HABIT... now there is something I UNDERSTAND. LOL. Old habits die HARD! Thanks for sharing!
Lor (Lor): AHhhh, yes! The infamous splitting of the forums... I remember it well. Lucky (I think!) for me, I joined approximately 2 wks following the split. As for "comfort", I totally get that-- especially due to the fact that you were "here" before the split.
Chris -CA123 : "Today's Active Topics"... hmmmm-- again, another OPTION I had not considered. Very interesting! Thanks for sharing.
turtlehead : Oh!... finally!... someone like me! I, too, went straight to RECOVERY FORUM... although, over the years, I've been hesitant (VERY!) to call myself "recovered"-- due to the fear of jinxing myself! Glad to hear that I'm not the only chicken-[censored] gracing these forums! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
LovingBoundaries : Oh, my! How sorry I feel that you were NOT welcomed with OPEN ARMS on the Recovery Forum <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <sniff, sniff>. Again, is there really any solid definition regarding "membership" in this "club" ??! I'm totally clueless, too, as I was very much NOT being met even 1/2 way by my WS when I started posting in "recovery". I was just pig-headed enough to BELIEVE that I BELONGED THERE-- despite what others may have thought...ohmy!
As for the "reunion board,"... I'm clueless?!. Although, I do post occasionally on the "ladies forum"... as far as I know, all female members are welcome. Please, feel FREE to post at any time!
ohmy_marie : thank you so much...hey, wait!... that's me... <JOKING... of course!>... NEXT.
matilde : No kidding!... I did not KNOW this about you... as I only "know" you from what I have read at the ladies forum. Well, shucks, again, I am sorry that you did not receive more of a WELCOME from the Recovery Forum. Me thinks we are allowing some potentially GREAT RECOVERERS to slip thru the cracks <woe is me!>.
captain's wife : For you, I have a personal story to share (but not about affairs!)-- I work with cancer patients and your name reminds me of one of the patients (and his wife!) that I have cared for. This particular Captain had been admitted several times to my unit but had never mentioned the fact that he was a Captain. Until one day, probably his fourth admission (??), I went to enter his room and he had a HUGE SIGN on his door featuring an airplane (looked as if one of his grandkids had drawn it... ADORABLE!) and a big sign that said, "ROOM OF CAPTAIN XXX !". Well, golly!... who knew I had been in the midst of such a GREAT MAN??-- I mean, I knew despite his "title" that he was GREAT, but this loving sign only confirmed that I was indeed in the presence of "greatness" <sigh!>.
Anyways, I digress.... so,
you are the "captain's wife!"... how lovely to meet you! It is an honor to have you posting on "my" personal thread <and, yes!, I realize you are probably NOT the same "captain's" wife that I've had the pleasure of serving... wink, wink>. But, it's always NICE to share a story, no?!
As for "lacking definition", WE ALL LACK in something... and, I'm thinking "definition" is not the worst thing when it comes to "the lacking-in department" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .
As for "personal trust"-- definitely work on that!... for who can you truly trust, if not YOURSELF (??!).
Thank you, so much!, to all of you! It has truly been a pleasure to read ALL of these responses. WOW! What an eye-opener for ME. As always, truly humbled by the responses!
Hugs, ~Marie
P.S. If it's not apparent, I've been working so much on MYSELF lately-- attempting to open up and to HEAR more of what others are saying! I, honestly, NEVER realized how much others needed to have their feelings validated... this "lack of validating feelings" was a MAJOR source of my H's withdrawal from our marriage and his search for "validation and assurance" from OW.
One of the BEST THINGS that I've learned from my H's affair is that we ALL NEED CERTAIN THINGS FROM OUR PARTNERS... and while what our partners deem as IMPORTANT may not be as important to US, our "dissing" a certain NEED is NOT a valid reason to IGNORE OR DISMISS what our partners crave and DESIRE (in order to feel loved!).
So, let's just say that I am attempting to "give more" of myself... that I am attempting to OPEN myself up to other POVs... because despite what I previously thought, I've learned that MY OPINION IS NOT THE ONLY IMPORTANT OPINION... there is a WHOLE 'nother person right here beside me (thank god for that!) that wants to be heard and VALIDATED.
Thanks for hearing me tonite. I feel somewhat "cleansed"... and, honestly, somewhat embarrassed... but, what the hell! LIFE ONLY GOES AROUND ONCE! ~M
