Well it’s been since December 5th 2003 when my relationship with other woman ended. Happy to say that I have reached true indifference towards her. The answer is Time. I had a really hard time with withdrawal, after a7 1/2 year affair, my soulmate was gone…or so I thought she was my soulmate. She was the first thought when I woke in morning, and the thoughts stayed with me until I went to sleep, then she was in my dreams. Triggers were a nightmare, but I have to say after each trigger I became stronger. Now I can honestly say, she is out of my heart and mind; I go days without thinking about her. Now when thoughts of her pop up, its wow, I haven’t thought about her in a few days. I wish her the best and I hope she finds what she is looking for, but I don’t care how her life turns out. So to all the WS’s I know your pain, but know that if you stick to NC. It will end. Today I drove within a block of her house, before I would of drove by, today it was like driving within a block of anyone’s house. The freedom you have when the OP is gone is unbelievable, everything is clear and you see the relationship for what it was, an escape from reality. You don’t have anything special with the OP; it’s just an illusion, it's a strong illussion but that is all it is. I know a lot of you are still saying no my relationship was different. It was real…I thought the same. Let me tell you again there is an awesome peace at the end of this road; Remember time is the real answer. NC is a must. This board helped me stay strong through the withdrawal and there are so many people here who I want to thank. Ws’s and BS;s alike, most of you know who you are, but there are even the people who I didn’t agree with that helped. I will watch this post for a few days, to see if I can help anyone, but then I need to go, for I want to close this ugly chapter in my life. Take care and be kind to yourself, Chris

Chris I'd just like to say how proud of you I am, I don't know you but it takes a big person to look at yourself and realize what a terrible decision was made and how to correct the problem. I wish you and your family all the best.

Ditto from me. Now learn how to protect your marriage, both you and your wife, from ever getting stuck in that nightmarish situation again.

God Bless!

Chris, that is great news.

We certainly all did support each other through some tough stuff didn't we. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm hoping to really reach the place you're at now - remnants of fog still hang around me I'm afraid.

Watch out for those triggers. Sorry to be a downer but they will pop up again when you least expect it. It's having the strength to recognise them and see them for what they are - just reminders of a past part of your life.

All the best for a lovely future with your W and family.

Jenny

Tin, Christy, Kiwi...Thanks for your well wishes I do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Kiwi...Triggers I don't think they will have an effect on me anymore. I have come across a few things that in the recent past would have triggered me. They have had no effect, I feel free of her to the core. It's not pretending, not wishing, she just does not matter to me. I have grown as a person so much over the past months. Yes it was part of my life, but she was not my life, I realize that now. I have been in and continue IC from the onset of this mess. For me it was all about the lack of self-esteem. I have learned so much about who I am and why I am and the journey continues. The strength is coming from a place deep in me that I did not know existed. The anger and hate I felt towards her was just a step in the grieving process, however it was keeping feelings for her alive, negative ones, but they were still feelings. I do not wish her any ill, but I can say with the utmost certainty she was not meant for me. I don’t want to sound like one day I just woke up and presto. It has been a long hard expensive journey and I still have a long way to go. It is just an awesome experience to be on this path without the pain, burden and distraction of her.

Chris 37,
First, let me congratulate you on getting through the very real and very difficult "withdrawal" process. Cudos, For having the strength and determination to just get through it. Not fun & not easy, but you did it. (NOW just don't "slip" up. OK?) I'm sure your wife feels grateful for your doing it and will tell you so someday when she is ready. (She may just not see the huge step it is right now, dealing with her own pain & hurt). Then again she might.(??)

Next, I want to commend you for coming back and sharing your trials with all the WS (and BS) but more so the WS .....who may need to have some encouragement in their own struggles at "NO Contact." In fact, I was just reading a post of a WW who has just reestablished contact after 2 months. SAD, Sad, sad. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

However, it is good that you continue to come back and share. I've seen too many WS just not come back and post after a short time (I suppose for a variety of reasons). But I suspect many of the reasons are not positive ones. So thanks for being one WS who has the courage as well as the want to help the other WS out there. I want to encourage you (as well as other WS) to continue, because all of us BS out here can use ANY and ALL assistance we can get! Getting to hear the "other side" is a benefit to us all. Especially, when we all can share in some success. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep it up. Wishing you and your wife continued success.

Hey Chris,
Awesome post and I'm VERY VERY proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SG

Chris, your post is good timing for me. I am becoming very discouraged about H's continued withdrawal. NC has only been 5 weeks. I know intellectually that isn't a long time, but emotionally I just want oW out of our lives. Consequently I start wanting my H out of my life. If you can do this after a 7 1/2 yr. A, maybe there's hope for us.

I wish you and your W the best. Your posts helped me whenever that was a few months ago. I hope you check in every now and then. Check out my post to FWSs. Maybe you can give me some insight. Take Care! CV

Chris...I am so very proud of you and wish you the very best. Please keep me and my family in your prayers!!

Chris, I showed my WH your post because he doesn't know how to give up the OW. After reading it, he wanted to talk to you and ask you some questions. Well, I told him I would ask you the one he really wanted the answer to - He feels that the OW is his soulmate and he noticed in your post that you decided that the OW wasn't your soulmate. He wants to know how did you determine that - did you just say she wasn't and now your wife is your soulmate or do you just have NC with your soulmate?

If there is anyone else who has been the WS in this situation, I would greatly appreciate input, for the sake of my WH and my marriage.

Thanks

Congratulations, Chris

It took me a lot longer to get where you seem to be, but I see that you've done all the things right that I did wrong.

Not to put a damper on this party, but I think you still have to be careful. Don't let your guard down and don't get lazy in your relationship with your wife. These are my challenges today.

Low

Chris, I don't know your story, but I was uplifted to read this post. My H seems to be so stuck with believing his A was real. He doesn't express it to me, but I feel this. Did your feelings for your Spouse return when the fog lifted? Did you realized that maybe you'd "rewritten" history to enable the A? That you actually had a very skewed view of reality? Do you now know that the A wouldn't survive reality?

Anything you could share on this would be appreciated.

I am waiting it out with my H. Trying to "fix" me in the process so I can be prepared to move on in life happily either with or without him. But that is such a hard thing. Not sure if I believe he's maintaining NC, he says he is and I'm trying my best to not harp on it.

Thanks. I'm so happy for you.