I was going to visit my brother in law and his wife out of state next month. They just had a beautiful baby girl and I was looking forward to meeting her. She was born four days after my husband left.

This past weekend, my H told my BIL that we are separated, but not the reason why. I guess that he didn't want his brother to know the real reason. That he is having an affair with a married woman and left me for her.

Now I'm debating if I should go. I know they probably will be asking questions about the separation, and what should I say.

Sometimes I feel they should know the real reason, but is it my place to tell the rest of the story. My MIL and FIL already know the whole story and have been very supportive.

I don't want to mess with his relationship with his brother. My husband and I have only a telephone relationship now. But he did call yesterday to say he remember this was the day he ask me to marry him and he was thinking of me. Our last few conversations were nice, so if I tell his brother the truth, I'm afraid my WH will turn nasty towards me, that I trying to ruin his relationship with his brother. He's already is not talking to his parents because of the affair. They gave him a choice family or the OW. He choose the OW.

Now I'm debating if I should go. I know they probably will be asking questions about the separation, and what should I say.

If these are good people whose company you enjoy...

by all means...

go and enjoy.

If asked questions

answer the question honestly ...

"Why did you two break up?"

Answer,"He left me for another woman."

Just answer what is asked.

No reason you need to cover up his mistakes.

Go and enjoy.

Pep

I agree. If asked questions, I would be totally honest. You do not need to go into details, but you can honestly say why you two are separated. The truth is going to come out sooner or later anyway, so he might as well get used to it.

I think it is great that you have the support of your IL's. That is going to be very helpful.

So, he 'choose' OW? Wonder how long it'll last...

Keep up the good work. I think you'll be fine.

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Now I'm debating if I should go. I know they probably will be asking questions about the separation, and what should I say.

If these are good people whose company you enjoy...

by all means...

go and enjoy.

If asked questions

answer the question honestly ...

"Why did you two break up?"

Answer,"He left me for another woman."

Just answer what is asked.

No reason you need to cover up his mistakes.

Go and enjoy.

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Go and tell the truth. You only enable the affair if you help him hide his secret. Don't help him hide.

I agree with what the other posters advised:

Tell them.
I thought exposure, especially to those who the WS would NOT want to have find out, was one of the first things MB advises the BS to do in Plan A?

Also, have you considered that your husband's recent niceness could just be an attempt to dissuade you from telling them? For all you know, he could go back to being less-nice again as soon as he's assured you didn't tell them anything. Why assume he's going to remain nice regardless of what you tell them? Also, his recent niceness could be motivated by wanting to be a cake-eater.

This is a mistake I really had to learn the long, hard way: Stop acting out of fear and/or tiny tidbits of false hope. Don't allow your WS to manipulate your decision-making and interfere with you following an otherwise very effective plan... based on what you think he MIGHT be up to, or how he MIGHT react. When he TELLS you, in action as well as words, that he's ready to commit to you and the marriage, THEN you will know he really is... not when he merely hints at improved behavior and attitude. No doubt he will get angry the more you expose the adultery. That's OK - exposure is NOT LB'ing. His anger will be because he knows more exposure will further ruin the fun of the affair - NOT because you really will be ruining any chance for saving your marriage. IMO you shouldn't assume his goal is to save your marriage (instead of to continue the affair) until he himself PROVES otherwise. It took me way too long to realize this. For months, my WH had me like a puppet on a string, dangling false hope one moment and blaming me for supposedly ruining our chances for recovery the next... I now think this mess could have been all over by now, with myself and my daughters saved from some of the hurt, if I had not allowed my WH to manipulate my feelings of hope and fear so easily.