WS is definitely in a fog. He has spoken many, many of the fog-ese lines.
So I'm wondering?
Just as the A came out, his father was in the hospital doing cancer treatment. His parents and I are very close and they are 100% supportive of keeping the marriage together.
So throughout the past few weeks WS and I have had to put our problem on the back burner as we address needs of our family.
We have kept our conversations with family as if we were still a team (as one).
And communication is completely open when it comes to his folks. When we are away from them we have addressed the A (so its not really on the back burner completely - just appropriately addressed at the right time and place)

I have noticed our conversations are easing more.
He speaks of his lying, acknowledging that he has gotten good at it and almost confesses that it bugs him.
He wants me to explain why I think we can make it. Why I care for him. And adds he doesn't deserve my love. (some I imagine is fog-ese)

Anyway . . . when or how do you know its not fog-ese?

I get this impression he is drowning in his pain of doing wrong but is punishing himself to the point he doesn't know how to accept my love.

Am I fooling myself?

Unfortunately, I don't have an answer but would love to hear from someone else. I've heard the same things from my H. Why do I love him so much? He wishes he loved me so unconditionally? Says he's tired of lying. Of course, that just mean he actually will tell me that he is going to be w/ the OW. He thinks he should get brownie points for that!!

I also wonder if he thinks that I will never get over his A, his deceit, his lying, etc. and that I will constantly remind him. I know he doesn't want to deal with that. He wants me to never mention it... of course, he gets to still carry on EA (maybe PA?) with the OW. Sounds fair, right?!

Even before I found this web site and Dr. H books, friends were comparing him to a drug addict who has to hit rock bottom before doing something about it. But how and when will that happen? And can I wait?

Hopefully, for me and you, these comments are signs that fog is lifting but I heard these a long time ago and he has been continuing contact with OW so...