God must be listening to your prayers and mines.
H gave up credit card without fighting. That is giving me some sense of security, and also it shows a huge ammount of good faith and good will in my eyes. I know it was not easy for him, because he saw that as a way for me to control him. I don't want or can't do that. I just want to put our finances in order if possible.
He asked for my help, and I'm going to do it. Until now, I been saving all my income, and H was mantaining full home and all. But I been wondering for some time where all that money came from? I mean he has spended a lot, and so do I to a degree. Credit cards are in a highest point since ever. And although I realize a lot of the charges may come way back from when he used them with OW, I got this point of view. Tell me what you think...
We are trying to recover, and finances and the way we manage money gives us problems in our M. I think part of it is about our education (family). His family always lived by appearances, it doesn't matter if you can afford it, God will provide, even if that mean asking for loans they will never pay. My family has taught me that I have to live by what I make and never be in debt for too long with anyone, always pay as soon as I can if I have to ask for money, also to save.
I'm not being disrespectful here, just stating how things are with us, and how education has made us be like we are, I'm not saying anything is better or worse, just as they are.
The thing is, that it has put us in a complicated spot. Not that we can not pay them, in time we will pay them, and we need both to stick to a plan.
Before d-day, we always got all the money mine and his into the same account. He makes 3 times more than I do, it didn't mattered at the time and we fully shared payments and expenses. On d-day, I stopped making my money deposite there, but H never took me out of the account, and he kept mantaining home, even if he was not here for a year. Of course, since he lived at his parents, he has to help there (another story), and of course he made a lot of expenses, like having a whole new wardrobe since he took out weight, and of course spendings with OW.
All that took a toll and put us were we are today.
He asked for my help on how to figure this out, since he knows he was never good at finances at home, and he told me several times, that all we got, we do because of my "view" or way to manage finances at home, which is to a degree the truth.
I have accepted his overspending in many aspects, but I think he accepted too since last night as I put it out his powerless to it.
And some changes had to be made to get us back in track again, so he gave up in good faith the credit card.
I see it like and addiction, and puting at least step 1 of my 12 steps program into action with him. He is powerless over it, so it has to go, until he controls it, or until our finances are in order again.
My main point here is, that I do realize, some of the things we have to pay on, are charges he made over the A. And well, he has never had a negative towards money with me. And although I realize, we will BOTH be paying for his bad choice, in many aspects, this one (money) is another one of those. Some might think, that I would enable him by offering my money to pay that too. But I think, that we BOTH have to work towards a full recovery, not just the spirit and emotional aspects. Besides, FS is also a need that H never gave much attention to it, and never requested anything from me in that aspect.
Now he is asking, and I think it would be selfish not to help our M, not giving up my money, even then when I do know some of the charges I have to pay on, were made for the A.
Side note, he asked on help to make a plan to get that into order, he didn't asked for the money, but if I do give, we will be out of this faster. And I signed up into this for richer and poorer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> at the very begining...
So what do you think???
