I am glad to be able to get back here.

I have a question for those folks who have been cheated on and as a result got a divorce.

Has anybody been able to be friends or at least be friendly with an ex who cheated on them?

I know many divorce people who now get along much better with their ex, some are very friendly, and a few even spend the night together several times a week.

But, none have been cheated on. Their marriage problems did not include infidelity.

What do you think?

If the ex-couple has children and will need to maintain a relationship due to that, I would hope that they could be civil.

IMO, a couple who divorces due to infidelity and does not HAVE to continue contact would be better off to do so.

Find new friends, make a new life without the reminder of the failed marriage. I would not have any desire to try to be friends with the ex in this case.

Lady, yes, if children are involved it is necessary to be civil with the cheating ex spouse.
That much must be done.

I am talking about being friendly or friends, not being civil.

I am 99.999999% sure my W who I am seperated from has had an affair or cheated, I don't see why it should lead to the ultimate act of betrayal of divorce.
We have a 4 year old son and I think his balanace and foundation of life is more important than deciding to end a family over an affair.
She will however never admit to an affair or cheating, she is of the opinion that when we are seperate we are NOT married and it is not cheating, I obviously see things differently.

BTW, she has only taken this stance since we have been seperate, she was not thnking this way when we were together.

Well, for me the answer to that question is no.

Fortunately, we didn't have any kids, so once the divorce is final and X2B pays off a loan with both our names on it and a loan to me, I doubt we will ever talk or see each other again.

He was upset with me about all this at first. Right from the start, when we separated, he figured we could still be friends. I honestly think he had a vision of he and I still being "best buddies," talking on the phone every day, getting together to do stuff, etc. He said "I think we make better friends than husband and wife."

In other words - it was very clear with him what needs he felt I met, and what needs he wanted to get met elsewhere. I just wouldn't agree to going on with that split.

As far as remaining friends - well, I ended up explaining it very simply to him one day. I told him that I would never choose to be friends with someone who has lied to me, deceived me, treated me the way he has, and said some of the horrible things he has. I was willing to get past all of that to keep our marriage, because marriage is a far stronger bond than friendship. But if we weren't going to remain married..... well, I just saw no point in keeping him as a friend, and enduring all the hurt that would entail, and putting up with him coming crying to me everytime the latest OW and he had a problem, when he was no longer someone I would choose to be friends with anyway.

So Justin, you are asking if a couple who IS divorced due to infidelity and does not have children can remain friends?

Of course they CAN if they choose to, I just cannot imagine any possible reason that they would want to continue any type of relationship.

That's just my opinion, I would have NO reason to choose an ex in that situation as a friend.

Find some new friends, move past this and on to a better life.

Absolutely NOT.

My ex-H was a serial cheater, fathered children with OW(s) during our marriage. Very very manipulative with woman, including me.

I've been divorced since June '2001, and for an entire year post-D my ex-H would not leave me alone (all while stating he would never leave OW). Kept contacting me telling me he still loved and missed me (sweet talk) ... cards, phone calls, etc. He left me for OW and HE filed for D. Before he filed he told me several times that "if we divorced, we could always get married again".

After he filed I explained to him that if we divorced that that would finalize and sever our relationship in every aspect, we have no children. I thought he understood, he said he did. I counseled with Steve Harley thoughout this ordeal.

Based on my situation, Steve Harley told me that contact with my ex-H was destructive, and it was very inappropriate ex-H was saying the things he was. SteveH told me that I was to be the protector of me and to request, insist, and finally I had to demand ex-H leave me alone as it was extremely painful to be in contact with him.

Jo

<small>[ May 02, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Justin,

I am not divorced, but my H has cheated on me with EAs/PAs at work and flirting in chatrooms. If I divorced him, I would DEFINITELY not be friends with him. There wouldn't be ANYTHING I want from him. Not even friendship, thanks. And he knows that. We don't have any children, so there is no need to keep that bond.

I don't know if anyone else is like me, but I am not even friends with my ex-bfs (and they didn't even cheat on me). When a relationship is over, I do not feel a need or a reason to reconnect. Sounds cold, but that's just the way I am.

Oh btw, I usually throw their phone numbers away during withdrawal, so even if I wanted to call them today, I can't! LOL.

NOPE.

I already told my WH that if we D we will not be friends.I can't imagine having him in my life after treating me the way he has and still does.I don't consider him a friend now(he doesn't deserve it) and unfortunately kids are involved but we are going to parent separately and I hope to not see him again if we do D.It is too painful and it is asking to much of me and I have already given so much of myself to this man and he took and took.No more.

I would like to be able to get beyond the A and do that for my kids but it's just not possible.My WH spends a great deal of time away from us anyway,even in the past due to work,so it's not like we aren't used to living without him most of our lives.The girls and I can continue to do that.Of course things would be different if I weren't dealing with Adultery(puke).

O

<small>[ May 02, 2004, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I try not to chose friends who are sneaks and liars. So I would say no. Why would you WANT to be friends with someone like that?

also: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She will however never admit to an affair or cheating, she is of the opinion that when we are seperate we are NOT married and it is not cheating </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My h subscribes to the same theory. I just don't understand it. If you're not divorced, then you are married, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />