<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I went to a social function this afternoon, and there she was... I just went about my business, greeting friends and flat out ignored her. You know, something must really be going on in my head, because I had this flash: she is like an insect that doesn't bite, but keeps buzzing around your head, driving you nuts. She is no longer a threat, but she is an annoyance. This is major. I didn't feel like running her over with my car like I usually do when I see her. I started to think about the A but I forcefully caused myself to turn my attention to other things. She made me uncomfortable, but didn't ruin my entire afternoon as she has done before. YEA!!!
I called my husband as soon as I got out of there, and had a nice chat with him. Once again, he told me how much he misses me and how much he loves me. He has made plans for me to join him soon. He wants to renew our marriage vows on our up-coming anniversary.

I can't honestly say that I'm alright. That would be a lie. I still have waves of anxiety that threaten to drown me, but I am trying to actively fight those feelings by concentrating on positive things. I am having dreams about the two of them, and that usually begins a bad day for me. I'm hoping that will stop soon.

In one posting, I read about triggers. Wow! I've got quite a few. How long until those stop firing?? I hate that sinking feeling that you get in your stomach that works it's way all the way up to your face.

MB has been wonderful for me. I read alot of the postings,don't respond to many because I feel inadequate to give advice, but reading them and the replies has been very enlightening to me. I really appreciate all who have joined my threads. You may not realize it, but you have been ministering to me. Thank you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ME

You are lucky to be where you are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Just keep loving him and do your best. You are strong and you can do it. Women were built strong to guide men when they get off course. You are doing fine. Just try to concentrate on your breathing or think of something else. I used to have a video of WH and OW that played over and over in my head. The pain is getting less and less everyday even though he is still gone. The video doesn't play anymore now. I stop it before it starts. I think of my kids, or a family function. Sometimes I light a candle and pray, or meditate to clear my mind.

Good Luck!

HINY

best thing to do is just ask God to remove the thoughts from your mind. I'm sure this is not new advice to you. Yes, things will diminish w/time. I have times where i don't reply much either because i don't feel equipped to give advice. but you can always pray for someone else and a lot of times that's all i say. wishing you continued strenght and prayers to you.

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I know that the intensity of my feelings of dispair are beginning to lessen. It still feels awful when one of those triggers goes off, but I don't feel sick all of the time as I did until a week or so ago. That was actually when I started taking Wellbutrin (sp?) and Selexa. They sort of take the edge off of my emotions. I'm not exactly sure if this is a good idea or not. My husband is for it, because it really gets to him when I get upset. I seem to have "meltdowns" when it's really bad. Should I stop taking these meds and allow myself to process this more fully? I was beginning to feel as though I were going crazy, and I feel more in control this week than I have since this whole mess was made known to me.
Sunday was very hard. She again sang in the choir, and of course stands in the front row. A sadness rose up in me over the course of the day that culminated in another crying spell. I just felt so blue, and missed my husband so much. I never thought I'd ever say that again! He talked to me several times throughout the day, and that really helped. He is unbelieveably supportive. That is a shock in itself. He used to be emotionally "distant" from me most of the time. This thing, although horrendous, has brought us closer together than we have been more many, many years. He says that he is now "obsessed" with ME.
I have received cards from him every day since he left, sometimes three at a time! This, from a man who only bought me cards on birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries!
I am praying that my hatred (yes, I admit that I do hate her) for the OW will pass in time, and that I will be able to really forgive her. I am trying to pray for her, but mostly my prayers center around my wish that she leave!
Anyone out there taking meds? Please comment. Thank you.

Hi ME

I take Valproate for my bipolar. I would not suggest that you stop taking the meds, usually when we start to feel better it is BECAUSE of the meds. As you say, they take the edge off, and thats what they are supposed to do. Please keep taking them, you have felt much better than you did without them and IMHO, it would be foolish to stop now, leave it a couple of months until you are even stronger still.

Good luck to you, I have followed your story from the beginning and wish you and hubby a wonderful recovery.
mtheart

Thank you, MTHEART. I appreciate the positive reply. I know that many are very upset with my handling of this A's disclosure, but I feel that not exposing it to our congregation is the right thing to do, contrary to what many have suggested.

I know that exposure does lessen the chance that an affair will happen again, but in this case, I think my husband will never do this again. He was so terrified that I would leave him, and he knows that I came VERY close to doing just that (no game playing, I really meant it). He also knows that this is his ONLY second chance.

Also, he has been broken. To divulge this to all would grind him to powder. That just doesn't seem quite right in my mind. Of course, his attitude has a lot to do with my feeling like this. If he had been defensive, mean, or whatever, I would have handled all of this differently.

We live in a small rural town, and it would have become so uncomfortable for my girls to live their lives here. I also have an invalid parent who lives here, and I am the primary care giver. It would be very hard for me to leave.

My marriage is the most important thing to me, but I cannot shirk all of my responsibilities for the sake of letting people know, when I really don't think my husband is any longer a threat. As I said, he will not be putting himself in that situation again.

The OW? Well, I'm still not sure as to what to do. My youngest daughter has written her a soul-stirring letter. I could not have written it as she did. She told this girl that she hoped that she would take a long look at her self and realize what she had done. She also told her that she was "better than this", and that she didn't want the mistakes she had made to ruin her life. She also told her that if she ever entertained the thought of becoming involved with another married man, to be aware that his family might not let her off the hook as easily as we have done. There was more, but you get the idea.
She is trying to decide how to deliver it to her.
We'll see what happens from here.

I am of the same opinion as you, I didn't disclose my H affair because he ended it the minute I found out. He went NC on D.day and has stuck to it.
I think if I had told everyone what he had done it would have made our recovery much harder as I feel he would have resented me. He was very remoresful, felt ashamed, embaressed and guilty. He didn't need the added pain of friends and family knowing.
He has had a hard time dealing with it and as a result shows extreme anger towards me, I believe this anger is a cover up for the shame he feels over the A, however we are working together on this and he is trying very hard to control his anger.

Your D sounds very switched on, I think what she has written shows a very strong and forgiving side to her.
I forgave my H OW, it took me almost 18mths to do.(we live in the same town, so I used to pass her often up the mall,shopping centres etc)

I got to the stage of being obsessed by her and I knew that until I could truly forgive her I could never recover my marriage, so one day I picked up the phone and I called her, I told her I forgave her for her part in the affair and I thanked her for respecting my H wishes for NC.

In doing this, I freed myself of her, after I hung up it was like a weight was lifted from me, I told H what I had done and the relief on his face told me I had done the right thing, not for him or her so much but for me.

We are at the 2.4yr mark and doing great,I had a hard time in April just gone due to my meds not working but getting stronger by the day now that my meds have been adjusted and H is addressing the anger issues.

You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers, hang in there as I can tell you, it does get better and the triggers do fade with time.

mtheart