Well my husband has officially moved out now and for those of you who have not been following my posts...my husband became distant in the last few weeks and seemed to lose interest in working on us. I have pushed him to try to work on this and he says he just got tired and did not want to try anymore so he was going to file for divorce. During this time had a phone recorder, for which he smashed up the tape, etc. I found out he called other woman Tuesday and told her we were getting a divorce. He states that this is the first time he has talked to her since DDay 7 weeks ago and he just figured she would want to know that were were getting a D. I asked where he got her new phone number and he said off the Internet, which I doubted because it was unlisted. He then told me that a mutual friend of ours paid an internet site to locate it for him. He has had the number for weeks but just did not contact her. Well our mutual friend claims he did not get this phone number for my WH. He says he was asked to cover for my WH and he does not have a credit card to even use in an online setting.

Basically I want to confront my WH about this lie but I am figuring I am just going to get another lie. I am sure it will be a LB to confront him because he is only going to get defensive and deny that he is talking to or seeing OW. He has been denying if for the last two weeks. His only want for a divorce is because he is just tired of working on us.

So should I confront and any suggestions how?? It does appear that there has been contact huh??

This is all fairly new to you then? All I can say is wait until an expert comes along. Keep bumping it up until someone does. I went through a false recovery and it really hurt worse than Dday. My WH is aware of this fact and that is why he isn't here right now. I told him that false recovery almost killed me, worse than finding out about the affair.

I confronted when I found the condoms for the second time and all it did was chase him further away. This is just my story. Just hold out until someone can help you. Good Luck!

HINY

**bump** Any suggestions?

I by no means feel my comment would be the correct one. I know each circumstance is different. But I think if you are going to work in Plan A, you should definitely avoid questioning on the lies. Especially the ones you know already you are not going to get truth.

He could be conflicted. He could be frustrated with his feelings. He could feel shame and you are the one that reminds him of his shame as it was you that he is dishonoring. Basically you are the last one he wants to see, as he comes to grips with his actions.

My WS moved out about two weeks ago (the day I confronted his lie as to where he was)
He has much to come to terms within himself before he can handle us.

It is excrutiating pain, I know. But I want my WS to know the best I can be while this is going on. It is not to say that he doesn't see me cry or plead (as I have) but I see small (very small) moments in which we attempt to find out what went wrong, and is it fixable.
I have been steadfast that it is fixable and I think in my WS's case, he needs the reassurance.
But I also know if he takes the easy emotional route and decides to be with the OW then I KNOW that I've done all I can.
Hang in there and avoid conflict is my suggestion.

Update - I did ask him about it and he came clean (or so I think). He said he no longer has to answer to be because we are done. He is tired of answering questions. The hardest part is that he does not understand that he has to answer questions because he was unfaithful.

I strongly believe in my marriage and want it to work. He has been threatening to file for divorce for over a week and still has not done it. I know that he is confused and still in love with OW. I believe he is still in the fog. I want to stick with Plan A but it is so hard to do when he is so angry and mean about everything that happens.

Whitefeather - do you offer your husband the assurance that it can work or do you just be friendly in your interactions?? My husband does not want to hear it can work. He says it pushes him farther away by me always telling him it can work and that I love him.