As some of you may recall, my H and I have been on the rocks for some time. I had an A last year and confessed it to my H, in the past. We have been in MC forever... going nowhere. In fact, while he is back home now (ending our 13 mo. separation) he came back of his own volition, without my approval, without my blessing, without even asking. He just moved back home. We are basically both back to where we started, not communicating, I avoid him, he pretends nothing is wrong... but he is really really happy to be back home, and it is his house, so... I really have no choice unless I leave, which with the kids I can't.

That being said, I realize that I don't love him anymore. Not at all. Don't want to be with him, can hardly stand the sight of him. He (of course) is passively pushing for sex. I am avoiding it, have told him I have no desire to be with him ever again. He said that is fine, he would rather be home w/ his kids and me and not have sex than lose his family. I know there are people who have lived like this miserably, and miserably affecting their kids.

Anyway, all that aside... the thought entered my mind this morning that eventually he would have to sexually move on. I can't imagine that celibacy wouldn't work for him forever. I sincerely wish he would have an A, find somebody else that he really cares about and go be with her. Has anyone else felt that way before??? I guess it's my passive way of finding a way out b/c I don't want to be the villain and end it.

Has anyone here ever felt the same way?

Why don't you find another marriage counselor and start working on your marriage? Either that, or move out and let him get a new woman who will love and appreciate him to move in and take your place.

Why can't you leave and leave the kids there? They could stay there with their dad. Since you aren't willing to work on your marriage, you would be the most likely person to move out.

What does it mean? It means you want him to give you an excuse to kick him out. Maybe you want to justify the way you seem to feel about him.

I'm curious... why don't you want to work on your marriage?

I am only going to answer the question you posed as the thread title....

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"What does it mean when you wish your H would have an affair?

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It means you don't have your husband's best interests at heart.

It means you want him to shame and humiliate himself.

It means you want him to sin, thereby risking his soul.

Pep

i dont even know what to say about that one.....
but i will pray for you,your husband and your children.

"For nothing will be impossible with GOD."

Luke 1:37

This is marriage builders, so I really don't belong here anymore. It's not really about him "having an A", per se, it's more a copout on my part for not wanting to be the one to end the marriage. Maybe I should have changed the title to "find someone else" instead of the baggage that comes wtih an A.

You can't "just leave" when you have kids, for custody reasons. And I won't go into why I don't want to work on my marriage anymore... suffice to say I "worked on it" for its entirety with no success -- up until my A last year, when I crashed and burned. Now, there is nothing left (for me) and I am afraid any more time spent with him will just make things worse between us and for our kids.

You know how thoughts sometimes cross your mind about how hard situations might be made easier...
regardless of their moral righteousness.

Thanks for the opinions.

<small>[ May 02, 2004, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: Flygirl 13 ]</small>