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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23 |
i found out this past Christmas that my wife had a two year pa/ea with a co-worker.we are working through this as best we can.she admitted to me that it started with her performing oral s** for him and she did this for him for two years.something she cant,wont or does not want to do with me.(3 times in 12 yrs of marriage).it hurts that the first time she ever did this,it was with another man,not me her husband.i dont push the issue because to be honest,its disgusting and it only hurts to talk about.
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 1,108
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Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 1,108 |
Yes, it hurts. And I feel for you. But you MUST talk about this with her. It won't just go away or get better on its own.
I have a question though. As a woman, it seems like providing oral sex to a man for two years with little or nothing in return seems odd. It makes me wonder if your wife has had a history of sexual abuse in her past, which could complicate recovery considerably. It could also explain why she could have oral sex with OM and not with you. Just a thought.
At any rate, are the two of you getting any counseling? A top-rate marriage counselor can help the two of you sift through the pain and resentment and rebuild your marriage. What are you guys doing to get back on track?
~ Snow
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23 |
they did have intercourse.but she didnt tell me about that till later.and claims it was by his choice.she says her needs were being met by his constant praise of her and making her feel good about herself.we have talked to our pastor and i have talked to mc.we are working on meeting each others needs now more than ever.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23 |
my question is...should i just drop the issue?even if i feel it is one of my needs.is it just my ego?
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 23 |
another reason i believe she was able to do that for him and not for me is that she was in love with him.she only wanted to please him,never tell him NO and never disappoint him.where as it easier to tell a spouse no and disappoint them.for they will love you no matter what.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. This is a good place to be considering the circumstances. It is terrible at first, but you will get through this.
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