EDITED

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: Tenn25 ]</small>

Elh, I will just tell you that most people here will tell you to never ever ignore your gut feelings about this. I have learned to my great detriment to never ignore my instincts about this kind of thing again. They have NEVER BEEN WRONG.

I used to scoff at people who gave credence to their instincts, valuing them little more than superstitions. NEVER AGAIN.

Now, that doesn't mean that I am suggesting you make any decisions based on your instincts, but please investigate and find out the facts....and THEN move forward.

How could you find out independently if he is doing something? Does he have an email account you could break into? Can you put spyware on his computer?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Has anyone else had a spouse that would not admit to anything and even cry asking you to trust them & then you found out later that you were right all along?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well my H didn't admited even after I have made hime hear my proff, also he cryed on me telling me to trust him and after that he went to OW. So if that was your question, YES.

Please make sure.

elh
I feel that I have a situation that has a good deal of the same issues that you face...you know in your gut, and I suppose in your heart, that your H is having an affair. I have found many things that point to this..cute little notes, a charm with his intials on one side, and a " with love" and her name on the other....even a bottle of scented masssage oil in his jeep, not to mention a cell phone log as tall as Mt Everest with calls to a woman from work.. There have been lies after lies....that he has been caught in...but when confronted, he denys any wrong doing....he steadfastly states that he is not having an affair..they are just friends. Then,....My H tells me that he does not feel loving toward ME when he knows that I do not believe a word he says.....
So.....it appears that there are definately times when confrontation does not work....they are just tooooooo good at denial...I wish that I were only half as good as my H at keeping my mouth shut!
Plan A is a good place to begin....very hard to do, I think.....but what else can I do at this point???? I will be thinking of you...
justinie

My WH had an affair with a woman while he was overseas on business in India. He too, cried one night on the phone with me. Then, when he returned, there was a weird number on his cell phone the day he returned. I questioned him about it, and he just said it was one of his colleagues. Then, he acted weird the first week he was home. In fact, I knew the moment he got off the plane. I JUST KNEW. My heart sank. I even said to him at one point "You are acting weird. It is almost like you left your heart in India." He just told me I was crazy. Even convinced me to get counseling, because I was imaging things.

Then, the end of the first week he was back, he told me, "you were NOT imagining things, I am acting different...I don't love you anymore," and then the fog talk started.

THEN, he told me he was going to have to go back to India on business. I told him I was unhappy about him going, but that I would support it, IF he promised it would not negatively effect our marriage counseling. He promised me it wouldn't.

Then, days after this, I hacked into his e-mail account and found the love letters between him and a female colleague that works in the India offices.

HE LIED TO MY FACE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

So...go on your gut. Don't comfront yet...but be cautious. And get proof.

You are better off than most of us...you are here now, and will have all the ammunition to rebuild your marriage with the marriagebuilders tools.

Sorry you are here, and I hope you are wrong. But if you are right, we are here to help!