Binder- Who are the children going to be with?

I have the luxury of working a 4 day week. WW will have the kids when I work, but I will have them from thurs PM to Tues Am one weekend and from Sat AM to Sun PM the other. I'm trying to extend that to Fri PM to Mon AM which will give me 50%. I'll have to juggle my shifts, but I can do that in my present position. My life will be work and kids, but that goes with the territory. I think she'll give up the weekends so she can go see OM.

The commitment will be less than the present situation. Right now I always have the kids unless I'm at work. WW just shows up prior to me leaving the house.

After we separate I will give her access to the kids whenever she wants, but I won't cover her shifts to be her babysitter. She is exploiting that now and picking up extra nursing shifts to pad her wallet or fly away with Mr. Fantasy. She doesn't know of Plan B and I suspect she'll think we'll be pals passing the kids back and forth like a game of shinny. (that's street hockey for you Americans) I know she'll come at me with "what's best for the kids" and "it shouldn't have to be like this" etc. etc. I'll give my usual well thought out argument which goes something like "Nah! Nah! Nah! I can't hear yoooouuuuu!!" while running away.

This just in!!!!!!!! I got an E-mail from the OMW saying that since exposure he is now agreeing to go to counselling! What's good for their family is good for mine.......I don't know WAT to do now. I E-mailed my congratulations back to her and suggested a no contact letter or call to my WW. I don't know what he'll do. She has grossly underestimated their involvement. I'm happy, but my stubborn WW may still walk, just cause shae's so #$%$#@*& proud. I'll keep you posted.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

yehaw! [that is hooray in Texas for you foreigners <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] Get ready for the wild ride. That is a great start, Binder!

Oooo Binder.

Go slow, man.

Maybe the best action right now is no action.

Sit back and see what develops.

Keep in mind that anything OM tells his wife is suspect. He may just be placating her, stalling, following the WS script. And what you're hearing from her may be "adjusted" by what she wants to hear from her H.

BUT! This could be the beginning of the end. Strap in and hold on!! Of course, you realize that if it unravels it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!! You WILL BE public enemy number 1. You ruined her happiness!!

You're smart enough to know to stall any legal agreements that would be messy to undo, if any are currently on the table.

WAT

<small>[ May 07, 2004, 06:51 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Good idear. I will be encouraging OMW to insist on the no contact rule and police it. I'll bite my tongue if and when WW comes back and/or blames me for the unfortunate demise of their adulterous relationship. If I can Plan A while they're shaggin, I most certainly can do it if they're not.

Legal stuff..........easy to delay.......will mean a end to her house purchase however........I will unleash a hornets nest doing that. Without an emotional crutch she may fold...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Never a dull moment. Ill keep my harness on for now and remove all sharp objects from my pockets and make sure the restraining bar is secure in the down position.

.........and keep your hands and arms inside the car.

Were you able to inform OMW about the resources here?

Do you have a copy of SAA? Can you get a copy to her?

Very dicey time Binder. I'll be gone for the weekend and won't be able to help. Just be smart, patient, and Plan A like there's no tomorrow.

You may be very tempted to rub noses in it and be smug. Instead, be compassionate. If it unravels, your work has just begun.

WAT

I have informed her about this site, but I don't know if she buys into this. She still refuses to acknowledge their level of involvement as they minimized it grotesquely. I'm not sure WW knows about this development either......I'll likely tell her today and follow-up with the OMW expounding on the need for the NC. I will also suggest SAA and maybe send a copy to her.

I will definitely resist the urge to run madly around the house saying "I told you so, I told you so" whilst simultaneously jabbing my index finger in WW's sternum. I realize this may be the watershed moment I’ve been waiting for, but the fragility of the situation is apparent.

Have a good weekend WAT, thanks for the help. I think I might make some American beer on Saturday. We do that by rinsing out our Canadian empties. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I’m sooooooooooooooo clever.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong> I'll likely tell her today and follow-up with the OMW expounding on the need for the NC.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell your wife? Tell her what? About what OMW said?

I don't know, Binder. Isn't it better to let OM tell your wife? Let her hear it from ANYBODY but you?

Of course, this may take some time. But it's good for them to be lying to each other - not that they haven't been all along.

Seems the best course for you is to just sit back and watch. Pull up a lawn chair and stock some of those rinsed out bottles............ Could be a pretty good show.

You're right......as usual. Doesn't your neck get tired carrying that big brain around?

WW was here this AM.....no change......either she doesn't know or this is a ruse......imagine that. I will be following up with the OMW this PM. Of course she thinks I'm a paranoid, obsessed husband and this will play into that perception somewhat. She's well educated.....but horribly niave.

<small>[ May 07, 2004, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

<small>[ May 07, 2004, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

Just keep in mind the HUGE uncertainty of this info.

WS lies to you, WS and OM lie to each other, OM lies to OMW, OMW may tell you what she wants to believe or is repeating OM lies.

"Of course, dear, I'll go to MC! (no dern MC can tell ME anything!)"

I agree. I cannot help her situation and she cannot help mine until she realizes the level of their involvement. I believe it's time to E-mail a digitized recording of her H extolling his love for WW. If she gets on board we can work together. If she enables him to stay with WW their counseling doesn’t have a chance. I will know if it really has ended by the demeanor of WW. I will also insist she make herself witness the NC letter/conversation. Judge them by what they do, not what they say.

I will also E-mail a link to the sit for newcomers….lots of good info there.

I will also insist she make herself witness the NC letter/conversation.
Do you mean the om' swife?

Of course there will not be a no-contact conversation. It needs to be in a letter.
Send a copy to the om's wife also.
Doing a letter will keep from emotions getting in the way. Things will be said exactly as they should be said.

Sharing evidence can be beneficial, but be careful. Send her over the edge and she may decide she wants a lawyer instead of a counselor.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If she enables him to stay with WW their counseling doesn’t have a chance. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Agreed, but she has no control over him, just as you have no control over your wife.

Being able to bring OMW into the fold could be a huge benefit - but don't assume it'll be a no-brainer for her.

I was unsuccessful getting OMW to calm down and absorb helpful information/knowledge even though we were close friends. I gave her a copy of SAA and sat her down in front of the MB website. I offered to go with her to one of her counseling sessions (I suspected her counselor MUST not be providing much help). All to no avail.

The only thing she accomplished was establishing what must be the world record for continuous LBs. She kept coming to me for help but wouldn't accept what I offered and she became a total basket case. All emotion and no logic. Very sad. Eventually I had to ask her to leave me alone because I couldn't carry us both.

In the end she unwittingly was promoting the affair because she became the obvious "cause" of all the problems.

My point - try, but don't bank on it. You might get lucky.

WAT