{{{{LF}}}}

I wasn't able to get on the computer last night so I missed this.

I am so sorry you had to see that stuff. The more you see, the deeper you think the feelings were and the worse you feel.

Just keep in mind that IT IS ALL CRAP!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That he feels we have a lot in common (I had previously told him that we have nothing in common...and we don't...other than our kids) and that it's his fault that I don't know that. He has never opened up to me...shared himself with me. He asked me to give him a change...he feels his IC can help him. He knows that our problems are all because of him. He knows that he needs to change. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's good that he is realizing his faults and weaknesses. He's asking you for a chance to work out his personal problems so that your relationship and M can be better. My H eventually thanked me for giving him a chance and standing by his side.

all because of him

The A was all about him. Made him feel good. Made him feel wanted. Made him feel admired, needed, desired, etc. It could have been any OW. This is all about your H not loving himself, not feeling comfortable with himself, low self-esteem and trying to make himself better. JMHO.

I know it's hard and not fair. I know it hurts more than you can believe. I know it seems like you will never get past where you are at this moment. I thought the same thing. But, I'm starting to see and feel the changes. IT CAN HAPPEN.

Let him go through IC. Focus on yourself and kids. Go to IC so you can talk through your pain, anger, hurt and frustration.

I still want to get you some information. I'm not sure I'll have time tonight and I don't think I can bring all my A, forgiveness and healing books to work this afternoon...my co-workers and staff don't need to know how whacked-out I really am!! H has an AA meeting tomorrow night, so I can probably post some stuff then.

Hang in there and take care.

sss

sss - thanks for your words of encouragement.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The A was all about him. Made him feel good. Made him feel wanted. Made him feel admired, needed, desired, etc. It could have been any OW. This is all about your H not loving himself, not feeling comfortable with himself, low self-esteem and trying to make himself better. JMHO.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess that's just it...it's all about him...it's a been about him...it's always about him...what he wants...what he needs...what I'm not giving him. I know this is selfish, but what about me? When is it about me? When do I get to feel good? When do I get to feel wanted? When do I get to feel admired, needed, and desired? I'm not feeling very much love for myself and my self-esteem is shot right to he!!...and the thing about it is that I feel guilty that I want it to be about me for a change...I feel like I've given my entire life...my soul...my person to this man and my children. I have given up dreams of a career, my goals have been put on hold indefinitely...I did this willingly because I thought it was in the best interest of my family. I did this expecting nothing in return...but in return, this is what I got. Now I am bitter. I am angry...and I'm being asked to wait...to wait while he heals...to keep it about him...

...and I do want him to heal...I do want him to feel good about himself...I just don't understand why I have to hurt in order for him to heal...why must I inherit his pain, so to speak...I'm being selfish, I know...and I hate that too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Okay, time to end the pity party...my house looks like a bomb went off in it so I've got to get back to work. Take your time with the info. I'm eager to read what you've got but most certainly take care of yourself first...I'm not going anywhere <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> my co-workers and staff don't need to know how whacked-out I really am!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ahh, to hide behind the facade of sanity <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks again. I know I sound hopeless but your words really do help...a lot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LosingFocus - Can I just say Ditto to this entire post because I think you are my long lost twin and we actually share the same experiences:)

My husband told me that he had an affair because he thought I didn't love him, which is a bunch of crap because I have given up the exact same things YOU did to take care of my family. The other night I told him that I feel like I have made many sacrifices in this marriage and I asked him point blank "What sacrifices have you made for this family?" Of course he had no answer. So basically I feel as you do, this is my payback for all that I have already given up for this man???? Why am I still here in this marriage????

My answer is of course my kids. I look at them every day and I know that I have to try to make this work. I will NOT sacrifice my future happiness to do that so things will have to change. I will no longer be the only one making sacrifices in this marriage and my WH will have to learn to live with that or leave. If he can learn to live with that and he seems willing to try then maybe we can find our way back to each other. If not, well at least I tried. I hope that is good enough because it is all I can do right now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can I just say Ditto to this entire post because I think you are my long lost twin and we actually share the same experiences:)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

SpouseGuess - I'm sorry that you are suffering also. Keep your chin up (easier said than done, I know)...sss always makes me feel better with her words and insight...she's 'lived my life before me' so to speak...I'm learning from her journey.