OK.....so I'm wondering. When can a person pursue civil action to retaliate against exposure. I would think one would have to have a whack of evidence, before the high ranking OM is hit with a plethora of exposure E-mails to his peers.

Those with a background in civil litigation, or some research let me know the boundaries.

are you daring me?

Well it has crossed my mind. I'm on the verge of sending 56 E-mails to doctors regarding the head of their department and my wife. He has deeper pockets than I, and access to some high priced lawyers. Just want to know the boundaries of my actions. My exposure letter would be based on the Penny Tupy model in her website. The facts are true and I do have some pretty good evidence.

Binder - smart to check first. I'm not an attorney, so my common sense answer is suspect. But I believe that defamation, libel, and slander require the perpetrator (you) to be expressing falsehoods.

Also be careful with the differences between "infidelity", "affair", and "adultery". Legally, I believe, these terms may have different meanings or no legal meanings depending on the locale. Commonly, "adultery" is the term used in divorce cases to describe the wrongdoing. To be proven, the plaintiff needs to show that the accused had the predisposition and the opportunity to engage in extramarital relations. This could be photos of the affairees kissing and a hotel receipt where they both stayed simultaneously.

My XW casually accused me of slandering her several months ago (long after her marriage to OM). I'm not sure what she was referring to, but I asked her to specify what it was - at the same time stating that "slander" required me to lie about her and if she wanted to play that game, I could slamdunk her with lies she spread about me. Needless to say, I haven't heard any more about this.

WAT

Thanks WAT, I was thinking of using the term "improper relationship" to describe the affair. It's fairly benign and accurate. Plus most people still remember your former president use the term after the Lewinski affair. They'll get the picture.

Most things I've grabbed off the net corroborrate what your saying. If you can prove its a truth...they havn't got a case. I don't think either of them would get on the stand and commit perjury. Then again their vows didn't stop this either.

Binder,
Each state is different as well.

Whether it's slander is one legal concept to concern yourself with but in addition the disclosure may be a tort. Your state may have an orientation towards the idea that although it is a true fact (OM having an A w/your W) that fact was not pertinent to the people you disclosed it to (hospital staff) and because of your disclosure the PM has suffered a loss (was fired, may not be promoted, etc) So you may not be guilty of slander but you may still be liable for a tort.

BE CAREFUL!

cwmac

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

Well then, I will be cautious. I'm in Canada, so everything is different here and civil litigation isn't as prevalent north of the border. However, legal advice would be prudent at this stage.

I see my lawyer on Wed. so I'll ask her. It's possible that Mr. wonderful has had a pretty good wakeup call already. According to my WW the OMW stated to him: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!" I must say that as much as I would love to revel in his misery, a reconciliation on their part would do me the most good. Their children too.

Ok, I’ll remain at DEFCON I for now and wait to here from the outposts.

Hey binder... I'm in Canada and I know a bit about this. I am NOT giving you advice here... but I'll give you a bit of info. Your lawyer will give you advice.

First of all, truth is a complete defense to a civil action against you for defamation. The wrong is based on the statement you make being false.

However, the falsity of what you say will be presumed in favour of the OM. If he sues you for defamation, you will have to prove that what you said was true.

You don't need to have photographic evidence of the infidelity... proof can be based on circumstantial evidence. But obviously, the more evidence you have, the better.

Coincidentally enough, in my case, somebody (and it wasn't me) sent around an email to a ton of people TBXW knew, saying that she had cheated on me multiple times and that she was a liar. She spoke to a lawyer who advised her that she had a potential case, but she never pursued it. I don't know what he was basing that on... after all, it was the truth. I have emails in which she admitted it to me.

But, I agree... tread cautiously. I understand your desire for revenge against OM, and I harbour some of the same fantasies too. Who knows... may act on them some day.

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: reservoirdog1 ]</small>

OK... whoa... slow down... wait a minute. Irregardless of the legality here - what is your point? The minute you move to expose this person - he's the victim. He's the victim of what will, perhaps rightfully so, appear to be bitter and vindictive lashing out to destroy in revenge for the pain you have suffered. I don't think it is a course of action a calm, dispassionate person would take.

Whoa... I'd say, "Don't do it."

Laura

Post note...

This is not a Plan A course of action you are considering. This is not a Plan B course of action you are considering. This is Plan D for "Destruction"... and, quite possibly, "Divorce". I don't see how doing something so negatively inspired will produce anything positive.

Please reconsider.

Laura

l_l:

If he's using Penny Tupy's exposure letter as a guide, they're pretty mild. Firm, kind, but pretty mild.

I sent one that I'd customized, 2 RM. He printed it out and gave it 2 my W when she visited his workplace with a class a few weeks ago. I have no idea what effect it had on him, but it certainly changed things at home. Seemingly for the worse, but, as Penny has said many times 2 me "if the WS gets angry at you, it's a sign that you're doing something right."

-ol' 2long

I should add that the primary purpose of an exposure letter is 2 get help from someone who your WS knows 2 put pressure on the A. If sent 2 the OP, it's a confrontation letter, but it's pretty similar. Sending it 2 acquaintances of the OP might be unnecessarily vindictive, though. So, be careful. Do it if you know his colleagues and they know you (and might then care about what's happening and be willing 2 be helpful, rather than hurtful).

-ol' 2long

So Laura - you wouldn't expose to an OP's spouse? THAT'S destructive!

WAT

As you know I'm in New Zealand.

We had a very well publicised case recently (in all the papers and on TV) where a doctor had an affair with an ex patient. They had become "friendly" when she was the patient but she was not his patient when they began the PA.

It's a classic MB case really. Her H found out and outed the doctor publicly to the medical board. He was struck off the medical register for "improper conduct." When I read it I thought I could just see the H saying "right, I'll get him!"

Ostensibly, the whole case was about doctor/patient relationships etc but I knew it was just your usual H had found out and was going to make sure W never had anything to with him again.

Jenny

I think there can be some discussion about who to expose the affair to, but I do agree in principle that exposure is always a good thing. As Harley once said, do everything short of taking out a billboard!

Not sure how I feel about exposing it to all his peers, though. Thinking.......

Good healthy debate…..love it. I will proceed cautiously, get advice and evaluate the effect exposure to the OMW has had.

Perception as vindictive.....maybe….so? I do not want to vilify the man....he is nothing to me. I want him to think that the price to pay for shagging my wife is too high. My reputation as a malicious cuckolded husband is secondary to an intact family. This may simply be a distasteful necessity. I’ll weigh the options and risk/benefit ratio.

Stay the high road, Binder.

Of course, on the high road is saving your family. We should do all we reasonably can. If that results in colateral damage to those who were wrecking your family, oh well. Play the role, pay the toll.

Your challenge is to determine whether you need carpet bombing or, in OM's parlance, a "surgical" strike.

56 e-mails is a load from a B-52.

A deceptive option is to write the e-mail to him, indicating or suggesting you've bcc'd dozens of interested third parties. But I'm not sure this deceptiveness keeps you on the high road.

In your legal research, also pull the string on what would constitute harassment. My XW and her OM husband successfully got a restraining order against OM's XW due to harassment. The legal system can be very cold.

WAT

Biiiiiigggggg brrrrrreeeeeaaaaathhhhhh.....ahhhhhhhhhh. Ok, WAT the sober second thought. My sabre rattling bravado is subsiding. I've not scrambled the B-52's or the Saturn V's. I'll let the lies to WW from OM and the fact that he wasn't separated at until yesterday fester for a while. I'm far more comfortable with the high road anyways.

I'll do some research and post what I'm told. Keep in mind I'll be referring to Canadian Law however.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong>Keep in mind I'll be referring to Canadian Law however. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, I'll keep back bacon and Colemans on my mind, eh? Where'd I stash that Labatt's...........? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />