This has been a nagging question for me for awhile now. Are we supposed to continue to tell WS we love them and want to work things out? Or is the fact they are with the OP a reason to not say anything. I know in Plan A you are to be as nice as possible etc.. But will saying "I love you" even matter at this point. Will they take it as you are being desperate, or will they even care? As long as OP is in the picture will "anything" you say or do really matter? And how often do you call, and do you? WS has been with OW 16 months now and she is pregnant. I hardly ever call him and he calls once every week or so.

Good question.

I haven't been saying I Love You to my WH although he has said it to me a few times as recently as last night before he left.I don't feel right saying it because I am sure he is saying it to HW as well and so it doesn't have the same meaning to me anymore and also I feel like it wouldn't make a difference in how he is treating me and it would give him some kind of reassurance that I am pining away for him.

It is hard for me though.We used to say I Love You to each other several times a day each day,that was normal for us and I meant it each and every time.I do miss telling him but then I miss so much about us and what could be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

O

It's a really hard thing. When WS and I first got together it was really hard for him to say I love you but he didn't have to because he showed me in so many different ways. And once he felt comfortable saying it he told me everytime he could. Now of course it's, I love OW. It makes me sick. The last time I talked to him he told me to have a "good night" & "sweet dreams". This was also a special little thing between us. So the fact that he did say something that was special between us might mean there's a little hope anyway. I never know what to say when he calls. I mean we've known each other 14 1/2 yrs., been together 13 of those, were always best friends and now I find myself wondering what to say. Wow, have things changed and not for the best!

Cyn,

I stop saying "I Love You" after he moved out. I think it drives them further away. To clingy.

I still don't know how to end a telephone conversation, he tells me to "take care" and mostly say "I'll talk to again sometime."

A few times he has called me sweetheart. The last telephone conversation was on the 29th. He called to tell me he remembered what day it was. April 29th is the day he ask me to marry him. I guess I'm lucky he remember, many times men forget their anniversaries instead remember what day they proposed.

It was comforting to know he still thinks of me, but when he calls I don't mention our relationship or the OW at all. I just keep it short and sweet, that way he can hopefully remember the wonderful times we shared together.

As long as they are in the fog, there is nothing we can do or say. No one can get through to them. The OP has control. I just pray sooner or later (hopefully sooner) they will see the OP for what they really are.

Also, I have been letting him call me, the only time I called him was to let him know that his Grandfather was in the hospital, since his parents told me and they are not communicating with him at all. So I told them that I would tell my H about his Grandfather. Other than that, lately I have been letting him call me.

octobergirl said...

I haven't been saying I Love You to my WH although he has said it to me a few times as recently as last night before he left.I don't feel right saying it because I am sure he is saying it to HW

you should tell him that octobergirl...that when he says that he loves you...it makes you miss it when he used to tell you that and act as if he meant it...

or that when he says it...you can almost remember what it feels like...

or something like that...that speaks your hearts pain without disrespect...but with honesty...

there is no LB in that...
it is the truth....

you should say it ...
in your words...

ARK

Thanks ARK.

Once upon a time,I did tell him that,in the early months.I know my WH still loves me and he said he always will but that darn ILYBINILWY feeling he probably has(he didn't actually say ILYBINILWY)prevents him from coming home to me.He probably thinks that "in love" feelings are what he should be chasing right now.Little does he realize. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

First WS said told me he still loved me, then it was, I love you but not in love with you, then it was I hope you know I love you, then it was I never loved you. Wow. He hasn't said anything about it either way for months now. It's all about loving OW at this time. I haven't told him in so long that I love him. I feel like if he knew or if I said it he'd think I was foolish. I guess as long as OW is around there's no winning.