I don't post often so here is a quick review of my circumstances. WH living at FIL's and I am currently in plan A

I am so angry. Luckly my WH is out of town till Wed and I have been able to avoid LB's on the phone. If I had to see him face to face I am afraid I would explode. I have had anger before but have been able to journal, cry etc and get it out without unloading on him. This time it just doesn't seem to be going away.

I angry he treated me like an idiot for the past year. Does he really think I am so dumb I wouldn't eventually catch his lies. I know people at work suspected and it angers me that they may have pitied me but not gave me a heads up.

I am angry that my son is struggling with the fact his daddy is not at home. That he wants to know why the neighbor girls dad is home and his is not. That he prays his dad will come home for "maybe just 3 nights". My heart breaks for him and I feel so ill equipped to deal with his questions.

My WH's work is aware of the situation and has put boundaries in place so that contact can not be made at work, leaving him frustrated at his job. It angers me that he makes statements about being unhappy there and that it stems from other issues not the ones he himself put upon his back.

It angers me that OW seems to feel no pressure from her actions. There is no spouse for me to contact and she works for her Daddy so no pressure of losing her job.

I am angry I am here taking the majority of responsibilty of the house and kids. He still mows and helps out with the kids a few times a week if his schedule allows but acts like poor him is under so much stress. HELLO you did it to yourself I want to scream but instead I say I'm sorry please let me know if I can do anything to help.

I just need some release and I can't seem to find it right now. Please send some good thoughts and prayers my way.

Hi {{{jenn}}},

I hear you.It is SO hard. But what really gets me through these bad days is knowing that at the end of the day,I was a good person and a good mother and did my best to make sure my children are taken care of,loved,safe and maintained my morals,values and dignity and I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of my strength(then I collapse on the bed)LOL.

When I stop thinking about why our WS's and these OP don't GET IT and why they don't see the pain and suffering they cause,it let's me off the hook for a while.It's true,they don't get it,they are on this destructive path but that doesn't mean that I will stoop so low,that I will follow or degrade myself or keep giving them my energy by thinking about them.I think about me and my kids and that *I am doing the right thing regardless of what they are doing.It stinks but I always think,"would God be proud of me for the way I handled myself today and for my strength and doing my best" and I strive for that,even in my most difficult hours.

Find ways to let that anger out.For me,sometimes that means throwing a baseball as hard as I can at a spot on the garage and pretending it is the homewreckers head.Or hitting a pillow.Or if I am not so mad I come here to vent(haven't done that in a while) or talk to my mom.It helps just to talk.

Anyway,hang in there.I know it's tough.We're here for ya. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

O

The whole thing is kinda hard to take. I guess I've been here so long I'm getting used to it. I have gotten over my anger as I've gone on with my life. Hope that will happen for you too.

I also feel angry. I think I have woken up from a naive little life and am finally realising this is the real world and lots of bad things happen. I just feel like I've been in a cocoon. So much has been going on the past year and, in reflection, all the signs were there of an affair but I wasn't looking for them because I TRUSTED him. I asked him and he said no so I believed him. I feel like he just abused my trust. He came home last night (supposedly for good) and all I could think was "do I really want him here". Is that normal?

Thanks for the responses. I am doing better with the anger. Mon night I got to see Harry Conick Jr in concert with my Mom. It is amazing what a little time away from kids and responsibilities will do.

Tummytuck I too knew something was wrong for a long time. I even asked him last April what was wrong that he seemed to be stressed out. He claimed it was work and I believed him. I did not ask him then if he was having an affair but he tells me now he doesn't think he would have been honest then. Claims the affair was new and exciting and he was not ready to give it up. I don't really understand since it's no longer new but he still doesn't want to give it up.

It has been a pretty crappy week. My S has been acting out and cries at night because he doesn't want to sleep w/o Daddy.

WH had him the other night and instead of bringing him home before work he dropped him off at SIL's house. This would have been fine and had even been talked about the evening before but at that time he said no it would be easier to bring him home.

I wake up and realize it's past time WH should be at work. I call him on all 3 phones and SIL and get no answer from anyone. I knew he probably was at SIL's but still the Mom in me started thinking about a car accident.

WH calls me at 10 after he gets out of his meeting and I fell apart. He says sorry he forgot to call. I tell him I hate this working out a schedule to see the kids etc. I tried not to LB but I know my WH is sensitive to how I feel the kids are treated, in the past there were DJ's on my part on how he handled them.

I just sometimes feel I'm not doing much good in Plan A. WH won't let me fill his EN so all I'm really doing is trying not to LB in our time together.

Wow! this got long. It seems to help to vent to an audience. Please excuse typos and such I'm normally only able to type late at night and don't have the energy to edit.

Hi Jenn -

I've been reading your posts, and first, let me give you this (((((((Jenn)))))))).

I can't imagine going through this while pregnant, AND two other youngins at home. The strength you must have! Remember that....

As for feeling angry, it's great that we have this outlet for those feelings. I know the last thing you want to do is take any steps backward by LBing. So keep coming here and journaling when you're feeling the way you're feeling today.

I suppose it's more in my personality to blame myself for anything - even this. I know, I KNOW that I did not make him have this affair. But he would NOT have had it had I been fulfilling all his needs. That being said, perhaps you should really turn the focus on you. Not by how you contributed to HIS affair - but by examining your marriage. If you kind of 'hover' overhead, can you see what your WH sees?

Here's my example. My WH complained that I lost interest in everything important to him - namely him, me, and our home. My first reaction was to go straight to defense mode, but upon more reflection, he was (unfortunately) right on the money. I didn't do enough to make him FEEL desired (he felt LOVED, but not desired by me). I didn't do enough to myself to make him DESIRE me (gained weight, wore unattractive clothing, etc). And, with two little ones, our house was always in need of a cleanup. Although he's never been one to help too much around the house, I got to the point where I waited for him to do it (which meant it didn't get done).

Anyway, taking that time to really dig deep within me and figure out the 'reasons' helped me to not only fix those things, but somewhat understand (if only a little bit). And although I am very angry, I am more concerned with showing him the loving home he could eventually come home to than I am with finding someone or some thing to blame.

Make sense?

Hope it helps you in some way - and please keep me posted on your sitch.

- WHB

My anger is gone and has been replaced by hopelessness. In Love Must Be Tough it talks about stages of anger, physical and emotional exhaustion, brief acceptance then grief and sorrow repeating over and over. This is a very good description of the cycle I am on. I am physically and emotionally exhausted (some due to the pregnancy) it is hard to stay positive.

WHB-I have given my marriage alot of thought and realize my WH's #1 EN is admiration and it was not being met. Not that I didn't admire him but I wasn't making sure he got the msg. I am guilty of putting my kids first above my WH and myself and I see how it led to the breakdown of my marriage. There are things I am trying to change I just don't think my WH sees my effort. I know, patience it's a long journey.

My appearance and my house keeping skills have slipped during the last year and I am working on those. I think my lack of effort in these areas were due to his treatment of me, sort of a catch 22. I began behaving according to how he treated me without realizing it. I tend to internalize so I gave up when I felt ignored instead of confronting him. Does that make any sense?

I have more I would like to get off my chest but I'm going to bed.

<small>[ May 11, 2004, 12:40 AM: Message edited by: limbojenn ]</small>