I have been reading posts and doing some posting myself....I have been trying my best to read all that I can about Plan A and Plan B....I read the book, SAA, as well as HnHn....I rey my best not to love bust.....but.....SOMETIMES......
My H told me this weekend that he does not feel loving toward me because I make HIM feel lower than dirt...He has lied repeatedly, got us in a grave financial situation, and exhibited more than bizarre behavior. He has not admitted to any type of an affair, or inappropriate behavior, is not willing to look for another job to help us
get out of this money mess..( the straight commission thing doesn't seem to be working here...)and is not really willing to do much of anything at all at this point.
He says that I should just be able to drop it all, and stop bringing up the past. Hey.....its not the past if it is still going on!!!!!
He really seems to think that just because he may tell me something now, and swear it to be true...that I should just be able to forget all about the lying and everything else that has happened. Is this not the typical behavior of the WS....I feel that if we do not go to MC, and find out why all of this has happened...we will not make it anyway. He says that even if we go to MC, we may never know why he has done the things that he has. So....what is the point, in his mind. I am soooooo getting over this....I need some really good advice quick...I WOULD APPRECIATE IT ALOT
ME 46

Oops...I messed up on the keyboard before I had finished....

ME 46
H 47
D 16
D 6

MARRIED 9 YRS THIS WEDNESDAY!!!!!!
AND STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!!

Ever been around a heroin addict. They lie and swear it is true and do it sincerely. That is what most WS's do.

My WH lied so much and denied so much that he convinced me, his family, and even the lawyer that I was the crazy one. He was never a liar before, but after A started, could lie until the cows came home.

But they do grow out of it as they come out of the fog. So hang in there, and don't give up just yet.

Believer,
Thanks so much for the encouragement...I really need it right now. Tomorrow is our 9 yr anniversary, and I am wondering if he will even acknowlege it. Although I am not grateful that you have gone through this same experience....it is good to know that I am not the B.... that my H thinks I am. He makes me think that maybe I should just forget about it all..but then I come back to the real world.

thanks again for being there...

me: 46
H: 47
D: 16
D: 6
Anniversary......tomorrow!!!!!!

Justinie,

Happy Anniversary <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Is your WS at home?
Did your H have an A?
Is he still involved with OW?
Are you in Plan A?

I'd wager that your H feels lower than dirt because he is consumed with guilt over his behavior and the finances. It is very important to many men to be the protector and provider for the family, and he knows he is failing miserably in both respects. He's blaming you because that's what WS do. Don't you know you held a gun to his head and made him have an A? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> You probably also forced this financial situation somehow, when you weren't paying attention. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It is SO hard when your H says hurtful things. Try your best to remember he is not himself now. He is confused and making a mess of things. He will accept responsibility for his actions in his own time. You can't make him see the light, so focus on improving yourself and making yourself stronger and better.

Turtlehead,
H is not at home today...he was supposed to be off, but he told me last night, just before he went to bed, that " there are too many people off tomorrow, so I had to trade my Wed., for Thurs." I never know when he is going to be off. I am off on Wed and Thurs. I don't believe that he even realizes that today is our anniversary. He did not mention it before going to work. I did not either, yet. I have a card and gift for him, I will wait until he gets home this evening to give it to him.
My H has never admitted to A, but I know in my heart of hearts that he has/is. Too many red flags have gone up and still are. Our family doctor ,and our pastor even think he is. I have talked to them both about this situation, and at one time, so did my H.
He was in IC for a time, due to his depression, but stopped taking the AD, and has not been back to his psychologist. Like, I said before...he thinks that if he says, sorry, that all should now be forgotten, as well as forgiven. I just think I need some explanations from him about his actions, before I can forget. Who's to say it wouldn't happen over and over again?
He still works at the same place, refuses to give up this job. And yes....the OW does work there. But then, hey....I am not supposed to think that there is another woman anyway!!!!!
He still stays in the guest room, has slept in there for months...will not come back to our bedroom....always says that he is...but doesn't.
Now what is THAT about???? He is just sooooo different from his previous self toward me.
But always says he doesn't know why.
The cell phone bill for the last month is out...there are very few calls to OW on there this time, for the first time. He knows that I can check it, so I think he is calling her another way, so I can't track it. I have known about the calls since Jan. but this is the first time that the calls have decreased. Hmmmmm.
Thanks for addressing my post, I appreciate all of you adavice, and comments.

me: 46
H; 47
D 16
D 6

M 5/5/95
no admissions, plenty of red flags

Justinie,

That fills in a lot of blanks, thanks for the reply.

Did you know you can save yourself the trouble of typing in that info at the bottom of your posts? (age, D-Day, etc)?

Just click on "my profile" link near the top of the page, then "View/Update Profile". Fill in the Signature box with stuff like your age, any children, the fact that there are red flags but no admission, and that your H is living at home in separate bedroom, if you're in Plan A.

That will help people respond to you with ideas relevant to your personal situation.

Are you in Plan A? It sounds like your H is still in his A so you won't make tons of deposits with Plan A, but you WILL give him a warm, happy M to look back on when he finally starts waking up.

turtlehead,
hey...thanks for the tips...I am new here, and somewhat clumsy with this. I will try and do the profile update. Yes...I am doing my best at Plan A, and feel like I am learning more everyday.
Thanks again
Justinie97