Alright I spoke with my husband tonight and he is seeing a lawyer tomorrow. I got advice from one as well but I told my husband this is not what I want.

My problem now is that he read all my posts from the other day. MelodyLane and everyone else's advice down the drain. He says he came to the site because he was interested in the information (sounds like a good sign but he is still filing). He said it was not to check up on me. I felt like I was getting support here but now I feel like even that is taken away from me. It was all I had at this point and I feel like it was also taken away.

He said he does not care if I date or anything and he knows he is hurting me and he is sorry. What do I do now? Just let him go?? I am at my wits end...I lovce him so much!!!

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

All is set but I am still so stressed out. He says that he is seeing a lawyer tomorrow and he is filing. I am at least 99% sure he is seeing other woman. Too many signs to not believe it, only wish I could prove it and expose it to OWH again.

He said he does not care what I do (I should even date) and he was not coming to this site to check up on me he was coming here because he was interested in the information (but he is still filing so how can that be true?)

He may be in touch with the OW, so I would get ahold of her H and ask him to keep his eyes peeled and explain that your H has left. Ask him to watch from his end because the affair may have resumed.

Just stick to Plan A and don't beg, plead or fight with him. He will try to bait you into fights right now, so DON'T LET HIM, ok? Be as nice as possible.

This is a pretty common occurance in affairs, so don't let it get you down. It is FAR from hopeless!

ML

I did contact OWH and this is the response I got

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ******,
All is well at our end Please do not contact me or my wife. I will assure you my wife will not contact or persue **** nor has she since this was braught out. She braught this out for a reason and that was to finish it and she needed help. I am giving her this help and it is over. If **** ever calls our house again She will hang up telling him she does not want to talk to him. And if he goes to our house **** will call the neighbor then me . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">However my WH has been seen driving by her house in the morning and may have even been there. He is back to where he was in the affair.

I realize it might not be hopeless but I feel like I am the only one hanging on. He is for sure filing for divorce and he could care less if I date other people (is that normal for affairs?). He says he knows he is hurting me and he is sorry. Sometimes he is so mean and angry that I do not even recognize him. He is for sure trying to pick a fight with me and then if I even step one toe out of line he says I thought you were not going to LB.

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: hope&faith ]</small>

hope, just keep your eyes peeled. It sounds like the OWH is doing his best to watch from that end. And don't let your H goad you into any lovebusters, ok? He will try and try to bait you into getting mad so he can justify his actions, but don't fall for it.

Just try and be as pleasant as possible. No relationship talk at all.

And again, if I had $10 for every WS that threatened divorce on here, I would be rich! It is not hopeless!

He is having a hard withdrawal right now and I think some of your attempts to police him and educate him pushed him away. You can recover from this if just play it cool and hang in there, ok?

Needed to talk to someone this morning. I was up thinking all night about my husband and him going to see a lawyer this morning. My family and his are pushing me to file for divorce myself. He is going to file I am sure of it. I don't believe it is a threat, I think he will really follow through (although he keeps saying it is not final for 6 months).

I get to the point where I wonder if I should just do it. My D is having a hard time with her dad not here. My WH moved out before in Febuary to continue affair and now I believe he is doing it again. All the signs point to him seeing her again

-busting up the tape from the phone recorder
-calling her and lying about where he got the number
-seen driving by her house when he is supposed to be working
-would love it if I would date (that has got to be wrong)
-defensive as the day is long.

I have no proof and that is what kills me the most. It is like knowing something is out there ruining this for you but not being able to see it or stop it. I think we could survive this but if he files it feels like it is so over. He says he is switching all of our bills, electric, phone etc. into my name today. If I won't do it he will. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. Like I need a lawyer just to protect myself.

Don't get me wrong I want my marriage very much but these days it all seems so hopeless. Mom23 said he husband had said that he does not know if you can fall in love with someone again. My husband says the same thing. Well guess what if you don't want to try and you are still wrapped up in the A you can't. I feel so caught and out of control.

He also changed my password on the cell phones so I could no longer look at the bill.

How can I prove this and expose, expose, expose.

When you get a chance, email me at digsblues@aol.com.

Believer -

I sent it out. Thanks

HF

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hope&faith:
<strong>

Don't get me wrong I want my marriage very much but these days it all seems so hopeless. Mom23 said he husband had said that he does not know if you can fall in love with someone again. My husband says the same thing. Well guess what if you don't want to try and you are still wrapped up in the A you can't. I feel so caught and out of control. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope, they ALL say this, so don't put any special meaning into this. Your H is angry right now and saying lots of things that most WS' say. Just pay it no heed and do the best plan A you can.

Let him contact an attorney, let him change the bills into your name. When he calls just be as unbeat as possible and don't get into a fight with him.

As far as proving the affair, there really isn't much you can do anymore about that because he knows all your snooping methods. Possibly a P.I., but they are very expensive. Hopefully, the OWH is doing a good job watching on his end.

So don't panic, just Plan A, Plan A, Plan A!

Thanks for all of your advice and help. I am going to Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. I just hope I can keep my strength up knowing that he is contacting her.

I believe in my marriage and want my husband back. I am standing firm.