i belive ww is comming around. she gave up secret e-mail & seams willing to truly work on M.

i also gave up notes on her work times,things she said and didn't do and copies of cell phone calls.

i know its to soon to think about sex but i am a man.

all i can think about is her,but i have this voice in the back of my head that is telling me not to do anything with her without asking her if they practiced safe sex in the A. or if she will go to a dr. and get tested for everything.

i think the trust betwen us may not be strong enuff to survive this question,but i'm not sure & i don't want to push anything to soon.

i just need some input form eveyone,especially from the women on this delicte subject.

thanks dmb 1967

Unfortunately most WS's do not practice safe sex. I do not know why, but that is usually what happens.

Well my H said about three days after he found out "Well, I suppose you didn't use a condom - what am I likely to catch."He was VERY angry at the time.

There is no way you can ask the question without upsetting the WS. But it is a question that needs to be asked.

And you will get the typical WS response. "He/she wasn't like that."


Jenny

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

KiwiJ, thanks for the reply. i didn't get as many hits as i hoped. i've got a few theads running if you could look and post back i would apriciate it.

also been thinking of asking the woman that talked with myself & ww to see what she thinks.

it's so wonderful to have a place to ask questions of ones that have more insite than myself.

dmb1967

dmb, I would not hesitate to ask her to take a STD and AIDS test. Sure, it will be hard for her to hear, but that is a hard consequence of an affair. Your health is much more important than her comfort.

So please ask her right away and don't hesitate. I don;t think its too soon for sex at all, that may help in the recovery of your marriage and that is another reason you shouldn't put this off anymore. There is no "right" way to ask her, just ask her.

Well, you can ask, but she might lie. My X did for six MONTHS before telling me that he had an ongoing affair with a woman from a country with an estimated 40% infection rate of HIV.

Ask, but get YOURSELF tested, whatever she says. Luckily for me I was all clear, but you can't trust what they tell you, especially in matters like that. My X actually said to me "What? Do you think I'm stupid???"

Turns out he was.....sigh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Love and light,

Jacky

I asked my h to get tested and he refused. He was insulted that I asked! He said that he knew she didn't have anything because he trusted what she told him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> hmmm we know that she had atleast 3 different men in her bed in less than 6 months, how many were there during the time he didn't know her? My guess is A LOT! We know that her kids do not have the same father. We know that her relationships never last very long and that she goes from one man to the next. Nothing about that sounds safe to me!

believer, single people are smart enough to practice safe sex, why do you think cheating spouse' aren't? It seems to me that they have an even bigger reason to be safe, they are risking more than just their own health. I know you're right about that, it just doesn't make sense.

Neither H or I have been tested. You can roll your eyes all you like at this but I did ask OM if I was "safe" with him. He told me he had recently had all tests done for insurance purposes.

Yes, I believed him. H thought I was completely MAD believing him but I still do believe this to be the truth.

I was completely, completely faithful to my H for 28 years until OM came along.

H donates blood regularly and was horrified at the thought that he could have passed on something through his blood donations.

So this is a very important, very tricky subject.

Jenny

My situation is a bit different, since I didn't get tested till after TBXW and I decided to separate.

I can't remember exactly how the safe sex discussion came up, but when it did, she used the usual lines: "he didn't cum in me", "I asked OM about it before it happened" (as if they wouldn't lie about it? You're a liar, after all!).

So, after we'd decided to separate, I told her one evening that I was getting tested. She became a bit indignant -- "you don't have to, I got tested after the last A ended..."

I told her that, since I clearly couldn't trust her word or her fidelity, what reason did I have to trust her with my life or my health? As I told her, "I need to be sure that you haven't gone and crudded me up." She stopped talking -- what more could she say? She asked me to let her know what the results were.

That was easy enough to do. Phoned her and said, "congratulations, you didn't give me AIDS, thanks so much." All the tests came back negative.

It still bugs me to this day -- as I'm sure it will for a long time -- that SHE's the one who's word wasn't worth sh*t, and who couldn't keep her legs together, and I'M the one who had to suffer the indignity (one among many) of getting tested for STD. God, the selfishness of cheaters is absolutely unbelievable.