Well folks, my WH has officially told OW that he doesn't want to see her anymore. Can you believe it? I don't know the whole deal, but MIL says OW was heartbroke. BooHoo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Anyway he is taking time to himself to think, going to visit his dad for a few days. It turns out OW wasn't what he thought she was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . Imagine that! He couldnt talk to her like he thought in the beginning, and their relationship wasn't as solid as he thought. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hmmmmm!

Do you think that R build on lies and deceit are meant to last? No way! Now here is the big question.......will we work it out? Do I want to? Does he want to? Who knows, but this is a start. I will keep you posted.


HINY

Hopeful,

PLEASE continue to stay dark.Do not read to much into this right now.I know you may want to but don't.Also,don't start asking too many questions yet.Keep in that Plan B.

O

I am not reading anything into it at all. I do not even know what I want at this point. When you get to the point of not wanting to even be with them anymore at all I don't know if it is possible to reconcile.

HINY

Octobergirl stole my thunder, I was going to suggest the same thing I saw your post right before I left work. I was going to reply when I got home. Don't pop the bubbly yet to celebrate and be Darkwoman.

Great news Hiny, whatever happens and whatever you decide to do, I am glad he pulled his head out of his a$$.

Please keep us posted.

mtheart

Thanks, if nothing else I hope he can at least be a better father now that he isn't shoved up her anus quite so far.

Funny how he could drive to her house every night 45 min away from where he lives but he couldn't come and get DS more often and we live 15 min. from OW. MIL said OW was heart broke <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I almost had to get a tissue. Did you get the almost part <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Well whatever happens I still need him to be a dad for my boy. I hope he comes to the surface soon. My compassion for him is at rock bottom at this point. Dark is the best place for me.

HINY

HINY - What good news. Now don't get too excited. Did you send him a Plan B letter? If you did and it turns out OW is out of the picture, then you can discuss how to rebuild your marriage.

You still need to be the lighthouse and show him the way home. My WH is making his regular old reconciling noises, but was afraid that too much damage has been done. I told him that MB has a plan for that, and it seemed to give him some hope.

NY, long time no talk. Miss you. I am so glad to see the progress. I mean that you are so strong and so calm. You did it! As usual, I don't have much advice, but always support you. Lots love and hugs.

Hopeful,

I am also glad to see that progress appears to be being made. Had I done a good Plan B when you started yours, who knows where I might be right now.

You're doing great. You good Plan B'ers are my examples for when I have to do what it appears is coming. Just need to figure out how and when, and then stay strong like you did.

I think I've been in Plan A (or whatever plan) for too long. I'm really having a problem seeing WH's good qualities. I still can't imagine him out of my life, but not sure I can imagine him in it either.

Keep us updated on how this all goes!

LL

Thanks. Not holding my hand on my [censored], but it is a good sign. The grass is never greener on the other side.

Now that he has seen that, I am not so sure I want the horse in my pasture anymore. There is so much to life that I have yet to see and experience. I would like to do it with someone that wants to be with me. Obviously this isn't him and I am not sure it will ever be. I am not sure I want it to be him now either.
'
So many things said, so many things done. So many vows broken. Just so much damage. I lost my best friend in the whole world and now I almost think I would rather find a new friend. Maybe one that hasn't broke my heart or said terrible things to me and hurt me so much. All I can say is that I am so hurt, so so hurt I can not explain the pain and I don't think that there is anything in the world that anyone can do to make it feel better. When I see WH it just all comes back. Hard to explain.

I am thinking that our M is over now, unfortunately WH had to find out the hard way. I am a wonderful person and I deserve so much more than what I have been given. I have learned so much from this experience though. How I treat others, the things that are said can't be taken back, how to look deep inside myself and see me for the first time. I am a totally different person now. I actually like myself for the first time in my life. All in all it wasn't worth the pain to find me, but I am here and moving on. I hope the best to everyone. I will keep you posted.

HINY

Hiny,

No matter which way things go with you and H, it has to feel good to know that at least OW is out on HER hiney! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope it all turns out the way you want it.

WCW

Thanks, I hear you. You have to wonder what they are thinking when they see that little gold band on a mans hand? Esp. this one, her H cheated on her and left her with a kid. So she already knew the pain she was causing, it didn't stop her though. She just moved forward to wreck our home. She deserves what she gets, every ouce of sadness belongs to her, she has earned it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HINY

HINY,

I understand about not even being sure you want that tired old horse in your pasture. What a great image. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's not very mature of me but I can't help feeling like 'neener neener' at OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . She *SO* deserves to experience the consequences of her decisions and actions.

Thanks Turtlehead,

Oh believe me there is a big part of me that wants to call her and say nanny nanny boo boo, waaa waaa. But of course I am a grown up and won't I will let her wallow in her pity and just be grateful she is feeling what I already felt. Yes well this pasture is very green, and the other side has turned brown.

I don't know if I want that old horse on my new green pasture. Maybe I would like to let it grow for a while and put a fence around it so that I can get a new pony and let him have the green green grass and stay within the fence.

Or I could try to salvage the old horse, all that cleaning and brushing and feeding and watering. It just sounds tiring. Not sure I am up to anymore. I am going to take a weekend away to myself 22,23,24. It is HINY retreat. No kids, no WH, just me, tanning bed, pool, big bed, tv, lots of food. I will see how I feel without my childrens influence and just with myself.

HINY

Hope...i am so glad for you.

I know the feeling of not wanting them back. I had 3 false recoveries...so i know that feeling.

Don't let your guard down. Keep doing what you have to.

I also feel like giving the 'neener neener' to OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HINY
Give yourself time to breathe through this, another page of your story. I appears that you are a very strong woman, to have accomplished all that you has thus far. But a new chapter of the book is unfolding, and I really don't think you would want to turn to the ending just yet. Take care , and take time. You, and so many others on these boards, are a help to us all.
Justinie97

HINY,

I completely understand that you cannot just put away the pain and the hurt and go about your merry way. Good thing is that the A is over now. It was probably over a long time ago; most of them do end eventually... Please take your time and continue to do good things for yourself. You deserve a lot in life and now is the time for you to see what YOU want out of life. If it includes him, then great, but if you feel that you need to explore other options, than that is good too.

The OW that my H was having an EA with had also been burned in the past. She was married, got divorced (but I don't know the circumstances that led to the divorce since my H only mentioned some very vague things...), she got engaged, had a broken engagement, several boyfriends, a current fiancee and then a continuing EA with my H and according to my H, she also 'talks' to several other married men. But my H insists that she is a good and fun person and that she even cares about me. Ha! He says that she always asks about how I'm doing.... I think that she all along knew quite well that she was hurting me by having this relationship with my H, but she did it anyway. Maybe she got hurt in the past, but we all do. The other day, I was thinking that with all the crap I had to put up with, it would have been so easy to fall into the arms of another man and there are plenty with open arms around me.... But, I didn't do it and you know what I'm proud of myself for that. And so should you and many other's here.

Take good care of yourself, girl!

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong> WCW

Thanks, I hear you. You have to wonder what they are thinking when they see that little gold band on a mans hand? Esp. this one, her H cheated on her and left her with a kid. So she already knew the pain she was causing, it didn't stop her though. She just moved forward to wreck our home. She deserves what she gets, every ouce of sadness belongs to her, she has earned it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HINY </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Thanks ladies,

I think this weekend away will do me good. I will gather my strength while I am gone and maybe I will be able to move forward after that. I know all about wanting to fall into someones arms. When you are hurting it is the first thing you want is someone to hold you and tell you it will be okay. When the person that has hurt you is the one you need the most it hurts like death almost. It would be easy to go to someone else. There is just something about those words "I do" that stops you from doing it though. I also have had plenty of arms to fall into, but I haven't.

I have more respect for myself and my marriage, and my KIDS than that. I would separate or divorce first. It took me a while to feel this way, but now I am in a good place as far as that goes. Keep your chins up and move forward. Life can only get better.

HINY

NY, you are really an amazing and strong woman.

Well folks as we thought. There is still contact with the OW. WH came to build a slide on the swing set for DS. At noon sure enough, same thing M,W,F she calls him. His phone rings and rings, 4 times. He doesn't answer it though, he lets his voice mail get it. I didn't say a word.

I just pretended it wasn't happening, went about my business. He stayed and ate lunch with us. He finished the slide, then left. He told DS he won't see him again for a week as he is going away for the rest of the week and the weekend. He told DS to be good. Then he left and came back inside for something stupid to give DS a toy or something. He looked at me and I said aren't you going to tell me to be good. He said be good ******, kissed me on the lips and hugged me. I said have a good time. He said I will try and there he went.

Well now the dark will be easy as he isn't even in the area after today. I hope every can see that recovery is a long ways a way for me as OW is still in the pic. This is why I don't know what I want. I am not waiting another year to have a normal life again.

HINY