mowing the grass
weed eating
taking a two hour nap
washing the van
vacuming the van
comforting a mutual friend that had an EN
running to the store
selling Longaberger

These are all things that my WW/FWW? found time for while telling me that she didn't have time to get her EN questionair filled out this past weekend when we were supposed to go over them.

I add to the list:

browsing the internet
talking on the phone
watch a movie
meeting OW

Not just my WS huh?

Mr E
Not hardly.....

Watching tv
Watching tv
Watching tv

Justinie97

A WS is not likely to fill out the ENs questionnaire while they're involved with OP or in withdrawal. They aren't interested in having their ENs met by their spouse. I tried to get my H to fill out the questionnaire "back then" and he wouldn't.

Now we're in recovery and we are trying to set the world's record of slowest reading of "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We got to the EN questionnaire a couple or three or more weeks ago. He's started his (before I started mine, even) but now I've finished and I think he's forgotten about his.

All we can do, when we want our S to fill out the questionnaire is make a polite request:

"Honey, I feel like I'm floundering a bit and I think the EN questionnaire would really help me gain some direction. Would you please fill it out? It would mean so much to me!"

If they do, they do, and if they don't they don't. It's a helpful tool but whether or not your S fills it out doesn't make or break your M.

You may not want to hear from a FWW but here goes anyway.

H and I filled in the EN questionnaires soon after he found out. My A had been over for quite some time when he found out but I was still in serious withdrawal and fog.

I found it very hard to fill them in. It was like drawing teeth. Our marriage had got to the stage where we weren't having any deep communication at all.

The painful bit was admitting he wasn't meeting some of my needs. We filled them in together, sitting up in bed. He watched me very closely. I didn't want to hurt him by saying the affection he was giving wasn't the "right sort" or any other implied criticism. When he filled in his, it came out I was meeting all his needs. It made me feel terrible.

If we filled them in now - I would have no trouble whatsoever. He's worked so hard on saving me and our marriage. I love him.

Jenny

I agree with TH, As a BS one of the hardest things to do is relize , that we may want these things done ,,and we think they are the most important part or some of the parts to recovery ,,, but remeber we are the ones who found MB ..

I have a FWH that will not do any of the "paper work " stuff and I am relizing it is more important to communicate then have these tools "paper"

I mean we can talk about EN there doesn't have to be the FORM to make it work .

Ask her if she really would rather not DO the paper work , and would rahter just ingage in a convo about what her needs are and is willing to really listen to what yours are ..

YOU know more like what we all may have done when we first entered into the M or R .

Also keep into accountant ,what others said, she just may not be ready .

It is very agrivating when it seems that all those other things are MORE IMPORTANT then this .

But thats a persons way of saying they aren't ready or what you think is important is not the same for them ..

Hang in there . They come around when you least expect it .

no not just your WS.

We are in "recovery" OW is out of the picture (PLEASE GOD let her be PERMANENTLY out of the picture) but my h doesn't think any of this is important enough to spend time on either. I feel like I'm trying to rebuild on my own, with very little help from him.