My WH has been coming by to pick up his mail while I'm at work. He told me if I change the locks, it would mean I don't want him anymore.

Today the mailman came by and told me that my WH has forwarded his mail, since he is a JR, the mailman just wanted to know if a SR lives in the house.

I knew this day would finally come, but I forgot to ask the mailman if the mail is address to both my husband and I who gets the mail.

Also, I don't know my WH forwarding address, is there anyway I can find out. Odds are its going to be P.O. Box.

I don't know where he is living, but I have an idea. He knows I'm not a snoop and haven't driven by the place I suspect, and since I caught him out and about with the OW, and that's no longer a secret. I don't why he can't tell me where he is living. It is not like I'll be dropping by.

Also, we have two phone lines, so he took one phone line and have it forwarded to his cell phone. He also bought a new cell phone with a new number, when I went to call him direct to tell him his Grandfather was in the hospital, it wasn't in service anymore.

Two weeks before he left, I found a bill with two new cell phones; the phones were over $200.00 a piece and the couple plan service. He said it was for the two of us, It was his going away present. Yeah, right, he said he cancelled the order and then when I could not reach him direct, he said he kept one of them. I suspect the OW receive the other one.

The problem is, if he cancelled the line he has forwarded, I will have no way to reach him, especially in case of an emergency. He is still my emergency contact if anything happens to me.

He is still my Husband, my neighbor said I should contact a lawyer to see what my rights are, but I really don't want to do that yet.

I think that under the circumstances you should have another # for emergencies....someone other than your H to be able to call if something happens to you.

They aren't very reliable at this stage.
I was taken to the ER by my mother and my H's father while we were seperated.....couldn't get ahold of my H at all for him to come and get the kids. I didn't want them to be there and seeing me in the ER.

I'm not sure about your story.....but I don't think a lawyer will do you any good right now unless you are seeking a legal seperation or divorce. He can't force your H to give you a contact # or address.

He is still my Husband, my neighbor said I should contact a lawyer to see what my rights are, but I really don't want to do that yet.

He is your legal husband, however, he is not protecting you any longer.

And could you PLEASE explain ~why~ you "really don't want to" see what your legal rights are???

YOUR legal rights .....

your LEGAL rights

your legal RIGHTS

What is wrong or immoral with finding out YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS????

Is it possible your WH is counting on you to be a passive scared wimp here?

Pep

HopelesslyDevoted2,
My WH has been coming by to pick up his mail while I'm at work. He told me if I change the locks, it would mean I don't want him anymore.
Tell him that is not what it means. Tell him it simply means he is not allowed to come into the house when you are not home.

I forgot to ask the mailman if the mail is address to both my husband and I who gets the mail.
If it is addressed to both of you, it will go the your house.
When you fill out the change of address request at the post office, a letter is sent to the name on the change of address at both the new & old.
This is to verify that the request is valid and the addresses are correct.

Also, I don't know my WH forwarding address, is there anyway I can find out.
Not really. If you have something you need to get to him, simply send it to him at your address & it will be forwarded.

You could send a letter to him at your address and put "DO NOT FORWARD - PLEASE ADVISE CHANGE OF ADDRESS" on the letter.
They should return it to you with his new address.

He is still my Husband, my neighbor said I should contact a lawyer to see what my rights are, but I really don't want to do that yet.
This should not be a problem. Make sure the lawyer knows that you are NOT seeking a divorce and you WANT to stay married.
You are simply seeking advice.

<small>[ May 05, 2004, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He told me if I change the locks, it would mean I don't want him anymore.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gut response: Is H insane? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He's living somewhere and won't tell you where, won't tell you how to phone him, and a simple change of locks means YOU don't want HIM? Puh-leeze!!

MB response: H is trying to convince himself that YOU are locking him out, therefore everything is YOUR fault. Dismiss this. He knows the way home - give up OW and work on the M. Don't let him guilt or bait you.

Yes the expensive phones with the couples plan was for him and OW. What a transparent lie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You have no certain way of reaching him, you need another emergency contact. He is absolutely not reliable right now. He can be your emergency contact when he chooses to act like he's M to you.

I'm not real clear on the lawyer thing - are you concerned that it might not be legal to lock him out when he's co-owner of the house?

HD

Sounds to me like you need to change the locks and see a lawyer. Cancel the phone line that he had forwarded to his cell phone. Tell him that you will speak to him directly and he can do the same with you;that changing the locks etc. is not your method of comunication with him, it is being practical and protective of yourself since he is no longer looking out for you. If he wants additional information give him the number of your attorney.
H

HD

Sounds to me like you need to change the locks and see a lawyer. Cancel the phone line that he had forwarded to his cell phone. Tell him that you will speak to him directly and he can do the same with you;that changing the locks etc. is not your method of comunication with him, it is being practical and protective of yourself since he is no longer looking out for you. If he wants additional information give him the number of your attorney.
H

We have two houses. One is my name (where I'm living now) and an investment property which is a triplex which I believe the WH is living.

One of the apartments, became vacant March 1st, he moved out March 4th. The thing is the apt. that became vacant was the apt. we first lived in for the first six years of our marriage. It is a special place, and the thought of the OW being there, makes me sick.

The other thing I'm worried about is his debt and spending money like crazy especially on the OW. I know she likes the good life. I make more money than WH, even though he had the A and he left me, is he intitled to support?

My neighbor, who told me to contact a lawyer, said my H is legally obligated to me, even though I make more money, I could charge him on abandonment and he might have to pay me support. I know it probably differs from state to state.

I guess it won't hurt to contact a lawyer, I don't want it to be messy. It has only been two months since he left and A has been going on since last October. I still have hope for this marriage and I'm just waiting for the fog to lift.

We been together for fourteen years, this is not him. I pretty sure the OW is pulling the strings right now. I just want to play it cool, and let the OW slip up.

I'm in similar situation, I've changed all locks.
I have contacted attorney, this is legal and allowed by WS, he can only come in when asked or invited once they walk out on us. It's no longer their home and no longer have free rain to enter

As for changing his number and no contact, my husband has left his cell number the same after leaving, but never answers any calls, you can leave a message and wait 5 hours or days for a call back, almost the same as not having a number actually. Doesn't seem to care about the boys or myself only OW.

Actually now he has left the state which I found out by mistake, I don';t think they realize how much they have to lose by leaving the area or not telling us how to contact or were they are at, no judge will look kindly upon this type of behavior especially for me with two kids.

I can;t even image not telling someone I loved for so many years how to reach me, it's almost like they completly shut us out of there lives for good, or they are testing themselves, testig to see "do they miss us" "do they need us" or "do they really enjoy that other life more" and by not telling us where/how to contact them it's less questions they have to answer if they decide to come home and work things out.

Hang in there, see an attorney, I am sure they will tell you the same thing I've been told....
"It's okay to change locks" and you can find new address., I did it tonite, call an older gas card or credit card and check on address, ask if address has been correct? Play dumb- possible lost card and checking on new/forwarding address,
I was given the address easily, I was amazed, shocked, hurt and saddened to find he had left the state and is playing the game of traveling on business all the time when I speak with him.

You are not alone....keeep posting.