Well, I've been lurking and posting a little for about 6 weeks and I have to admit that I have not done a good job of following the MB concepts. I tried Plan A but was not stellar. Things would be going OK and then I would ask him about "her" and then lose it when he would say that he won't stop contact with her, "it's not about HER", etc.
Gave him a Plan B letter but have not been following NC. Talk to him every night when he calls the kids, see him at soccer games. He also would initiate contact with text messages, etc.

Yesterday I called the OW and talked at her for 10 minutes. "How could you do this to my kids?, Why won't you leave my husband alone?, What do her married friends w/ children think about what she's doing? If I was such a bad wife & terrible person would his family & friends be telling him to work on the marriage," blah, blah, blah. She didn't say anything except at one point to say that this was between me and my H. I said exactly, so back off.
I then e-mailed her the link to Dr. Phil's site and the OW woman article and cc'd my H. Problem is, I sent to the wrong e-mail and it went to another woman at their work! Big company, doubt she knows either of them or cares. But, needless to say, he freaked out. I may have pushed him over the edge.

Back to my question. Do you think anti-depressants will help me deal with this better? Be less obsessed? And, therefore, better able to handle NC with my husband? I know I am unable to focus on things at home and I also have a very short fuse with the kids. I have an appt. w/ my Dr. on Monday to discuss. Wondering if it will help me to not LB.

yes, i think it is definitely worth trying. i'm a nurse and i have also been taking AD's so i'm coming at this from 2 sides (personal and clinical standpoints). just don't rely on the AD's it really should be coupled w/counseling. i don't know your story so forgive me if i repeat or ask something you've already said. AD's don't work instantly, the average time of onset is 2-4 weeks. some people feel something after 1 week some people don't feel a change after 4 weeks so the dose is increased or the medication changed entirely.

it's hard for me to put into words the best way to explain how they work but i'll try. also you can check on the "celexa?" thread under this forum and it will also give you some insight as well. AD's work primarily w/the neurotransmitters or chemicals in your body/brain what have you. they control how much of these chemicals are in your bloodstream which have been linked to making someone feel better. this is a grave oversimplification but just trying my best. what i felt was a gradual thing and just let me relax more and not get so worked up over things, like being late for an appointment, getting mad at the way my husband loaded the dishwasher, etc. it was nothing specific i noticed. i just found myself being able to enjoy things more and not rehash things in my head when i was trying to get to sleep.

don't be afraid to talk to your doctor, you would truly be amazed at how many people are on some type of AD, there are many reasons why someone is on an AD. and just because you are on one doesn't mean you will have to be on one for the rest of your life. just be aware that sometime it takes a couple different times trying medications that works the best for you. not everyone responds the same to the AD. wish you the best of luck and hope i didn't confuse you too much, prayers to you.

momof3girls,

AD would take time to have its effect. I was under paxil and it has helped me.

Hang in there.

-rh-

AD's will calm your nerves and anxiety, but they will NOT take the pain away. You will be better able to deal with the pain as you will not be so anxious all the time. Different AD's work for different people. It may take several ones to find out which one is right for you.

I am taking Effexxor right now, but I also have to take Xanax. Not all the time, but the Xanax helps me CONTROL my emotions when I am having a bad day. For example at the MB seminar I forgot to take my Effexor and I was a complete mess. I cried for 2 hours. The next day I took my AD and Xanax and I was just fine. Despite what people say about addiction to AD's they are not addictive. Xanax is however.

I am glad you are seeing your DR.

before the AD's I was obsessed with thoughts of the A. I could not take my mind off of it no matter how hard I tried. I spent hours reading and researching every bit of info I could on recovery, and C&P'ing articals to him (drove him crazy but he read a few) I snooped endlessly. I cried alot. I was always tired and could not sleep well. I had panic attacks.

we are in MC and IC and the doc suggested AD's right away but I resisted. Finally after a panic attack that was like a mini seizure I said ok.

i have been on lexapro for a few weeks. We picked that (the doc and I) because of low sexual side affects (very important to us!), quick responce in system, as little as one week, 24 hr dosing (I take at night before bed)and so far I am continuing to lose weight with the diet/excersize program I am doing so no weight gain issues.

I have talked to alot of peole on different AD's and saw my WH on a few and I am very happy with my results.

YES. It makes a very big difference!

I can sleep at night, I can focus on the kids and the house, I can relax about the A, not forget, but not obsess. I am spending time with friends just keeping myself busy in my free time, I can focus at work again, I am not crying all the time.

Not to mislead you, I am still not 100% happy with my life, we are working hard on the marriage. I am doing a 75 min session with IC, we are doing a 75 min session with MC and he does a 45 min session with his IC EACH WEEK (therapied out!) but we are working hard and finding a better path to be on. The ad's have helped keep me sane, helping us to stay on track!

<small>[ May 05, 2004, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: anotherone ]</small>