SHM, thank you for reading my tedious thread, I hope that your lunch is still tasty after reading all those ugly things WH did. Yes, I do have a timeline, end of June. But if things are like this, it maybe before that. I need to pray hard to let go, totaly let GOD take care of it. I just don't why WH does all those family commitment things. Does he feel guilty?

LL and RR, I am not a big animal fan. But I don't hate them. Maybe through volunteering, i can fall in love with them. But snake is my biggest fear, I would be shaking when I see them.

Perhaps it is time to give WH some warning...it may take him a month to find an apt. and you wouldn't want to stretch out the disappearances for ANOTHER month (Aug?) because he couldn't find a place right now. Tell him you think it would be best if you both separated by the end of June then you can hit him with the Plan B then, in June.

You are SOooooo strong, but that strength is waning, time to start working for a LNH plan.

Lostnhurt - We were posting at the same time. See my post. I want us all to get busy doing something each day.

I am at sister's house. She is a partner in a fancy law firm in Seattle. She took off work while I am here, to show us around. Right now we are waiting for some men to put a new stove in at her house.

Talk to you later. Hang in there.

LL, FELLOW ANIMAL LOVER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> loved your post too!
so i'm sure you can imagine why i'm missing my dogs so much. one of my dogs usually slept on the bed and the other usually slept under the bed. he didn't want to sleep on the bed unless you were petting him the whole time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

i don't know why opossum's get such a bad rap. i think they are cute (kind of rat and ferret like) and it's so neat the way they have their babies and raise them. also how they play dead and they really do! i think it's truly special for your daughter to have an opportunity to animal-sit. i'm always jealous when i read about how someone found a baby squirrel and raised it. the only thing w/some wild animals is the whole rabies thing. but you don't have to worry about that w/squirrels because in almost all cases the animal who attacks them who is infected ends up killing them (hence, the squirrels can't bite you) however, additionally, the distance between the front and back teeth prevent the transfer of saliva which is what carries the rabies.

so just a little trivia for you. i have mixed feelings about no kill shelters. i think it's great that they don't "kill" the animal. but unfortunately they can only take so many animals so then the animals they can't take are forced to go somewhere else. certainly if i had to give up an animal (i gave a dog away once to a family and i have regretted it every day since because I didn't have to, i didn't feel i could pay a pet fee at the apt that me and my H was moving too so i gave her up-i know she was in a good place but still) i would want to take it to a no kill shelter only after my attempts to give the animal away had failed.

anyway.....i guess the way i look at is that the animals at a kill shelter may not have much time left to be loved by someone where as at a no kill shelter those animals will be loved and cared for until they are adopted or die of natural causes. so i would encourage you to help your daughter to get into some classes in order to volunteer anywhere. afterall, knowledge is powere and maybe the more involved she became then them more she could educate others on adopting from shelters and looking into other options before just talking them to the pound.

it's still very admirable that your family volunteers and i think that says volumes that your daughter voluntteers at all. not many kids now a day can say they are contributing to society if you know what i mean.

i ditto on the whole spiders thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
i'm perfectly comfortable w/my fear of spiders. but i'm not so afraid not to kill them at least if i'm the only one around or the other person (like my H) is too afraid to kill the spider themselves.

i know that everything exists for a reason but has anyone really thought of why ticks exist. i mean, what eats them? i can understnd spiders, grasshoppers, and sharks, all of which i don't like but ticks? or even fleas and chiggers? they don't eat any other bugs and nothing eats them. anyway JMO and maybe God can explain that to me some day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

lost, i think the jury is out w/the volunteering w/animals. so do your homework and go to it. maybe even see about volunteering at the zoo, i'm sure detroit has a zoo. well maybe they don't but just something else to consider. good luck and we expect a full report <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> well i'm not getting much done at work again, so i'll sign off for now, prayers to all, RR

nope i just thought of something else that would totally crack you guys up. i have a voice that i talk to animals in, i'm sure many others do to but on one occasion when my friend who's an animal lover and her husband were over at our house, my H, and my friend and her H were upstairs talking, and i went downstairs for some reason and i went into one of the bedrooms and was petting the ferrets and talking to them and my friend thought something was wrong by the sound of my voice (very high pitched) and we all just had a big laugh when they found out i was talking to the ferrets. i'm just so silly......

who cares if her WH could find another place or not, he has made choices and continues to make them. i'll just leave it at that.

yes, lost maybe this is a way for you to get to know animals and what a great way to develop an even closer relationship w/your daughter. i know how i feel w/a spider so i can imagine the way you feel w/a snake. i think as long as you don't enounter too many snakes then having a fear of snakes is nothing to have to worry about.

chin up my friend, still got a few more days of the month of may left and who knows what the the next few days will bring.

<small>[ May 27, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Believer, thinking of you. I need to force myself to do something. TOday I trimed the Japanese Maple tree. Yesterday I trimmed some rose bushes. I want to save couple burning bushes for tomorrow. It is raining anyway. I am looking into volunteering in the animal shelter. I will bring the kids with me. But I still need to get busier, only if I can get more clients. Just got a call from an old client, he still remember me.

SHM, you are very right. Anyway, he had asked for D and seperation few times already. I will just tell him that I agree. Guess no more lesson.

Just finish teaching a little while ago. Now I am sitting here and have a feeling: I don't want to go home b/c Wh was there. I am afraid that if I come home, he would leave. I would rather he didn't come home at all. It hurts so much to see him leaving just like that, no respect at all. Oh, I think that I need to go to Plan B.

hello lost,
thinking of you, sounds like you are getting ready for plan B and that is okay. don't rush getting home when your H is there, let him deal w/all the everyday stuff and let him wonder about you! you can go to the movies or go to the book store, you don't necessarily have to buy anything. most book stores have areas where you can sit down and look at or read books. take a pen and paper and write down any ideas you come across.

while i was listening to focus on the family last night they had a message on their from a lady named "patty ashley" and it was a great message about marriage and that first we must submit to God before we can submit in our M and that if we follow God's will in our lives then things in our M will follow. anyway, at the end of the program the suggested a few books for people to read. of course one of them was HN/HN by dr. harley and the other was "blessing your husband." i'm not sure who the author is but if you go to their webiste family.org you can find that book and order it if you want.

they also mentioned a "focus on your child membership" that you can get and you will get newsletters every month and other things of encouragement in helping you deal w/children. just a thought.

were you able to get in touch w/the animal shelter? if they didn't answer the phone maybe that's something you can do for them! is answer the phone. you and your daughter don't have to commit to a whole day at the shelter, just start off w/a couple of hours and then just go from there. if 1-2 hours is all you do, it is still something for you to do and will help the animals.

hang in there, enjoy anytime you visit w/your H this weekend. remember plan A until plan B. then starting next week start working on your plan B letter again and post it in a separate thread in order to get the most responses. prayers to you, RR

Good morning, I sould say afternoon. I just got up b.c I don't feel well at all. Maybe it is cold or something, headache, sore throat, fatigue, even shaking, maybe a little temperature too. I got up at 6 and send D to school. When I came back, i went straight to bed. WH sent S to school. But he said that he is not coming home tonight but he will send the kids to Chinese school tomorrow. He just told me to take a good rest today, here I am, falf day in bed.

Mom just called again, she just worried and offer help. I really appreciate, but I told her that if I need her, I will let her know. We just talk about putting the whole thing to GOD and go with GOD's time.

Last night, I came home about the same time. Kids still hadn't finished their homework as usual. So I rushed for my dinner and helped with homework. It was 10:30pm by the time they went to bed. Wh was infront of the computer again. I asked him whehter we do the lesson, he said ok. But I decided not to do the HNHN now, b/c we are no there yet. So I read SAA the first two chapters, he listened very carefully. After that I said this is a long story, do you know what happened to Sue and Jon. He said, they D. I said no, do you want to know what happened? he said yes, so i told him briefly and read the last chapter about Sue's side of story and Jon's side of story. He was silent. I siad that it took them 2 years, it is a long road, but they made it. Then we said good night. I hope that I had planted some seeds.

Maybe he really took in the Sue/Jon story; maybe he didn't. But the fact that he listened at all is a good thing, I would think.

I'll type more later. BUSY, BUSY at work!

LL

lostnhurt - Have you advertised your business? You might look for some creative ways to do that. Since you are looking for things to do, why not join some kind of networking group - Property Owners Assoc, realtors group, women business owners group, etc.

I'm still having fun in Seattle. We are constantly busy. I need to go home to rest. Take care and I will talk later tonight.

Believer, I am glad you are having fun. Please send some sunshine to us. We have storm here everyday. I didn't go to the basement to check whether it is flooded, just pretend it didn't.

I didn't advertise at all. First there are too many ad., second if I do, there will be people calling around to ask but no business. I would rather prefer referrals. The sucess rate is much higher. Maybe joining the group is a good idea.

lost, you have a very good head on your shoulders and you will make the right choices about your business. i think it is awesome that your H listened to the lesson. i can't even imagine doing that w/my H. i haven't suggested coming to MB at all. i don't think he is at that point. anyway, like you said, it's seeds. we may not see the effects for a long time but we will someday. it's just a matter of time.

yes, this is a long road and a "rough" one. the best thing you can ask your mom to do is to pray and to ask others to pray for you and your H as well. but we have been given the tools by God and by MB to get through all this and we will come out better on the other side regardless whether or not our H's come back. listen to me, i know it's easy for me to say that right now but i'm also trying to convince myself of many of the same things.

if you are on eastern standard time then you are one hour ahead of me. don't worry about getting anything in the mail just take care of yourself, things are taking a toll but you can do it. try to see if you can listen to chuck swindoll's message on Job and how he was a man of heroic strength, i think that will help give you some faith and peace.

gotta go, stay dry! prayers and hugs to you, RR

i meant to say Job being a heroic man of ENDURANCE. anyway, i'm about to head out for the weekend. i'm thinking about coming into work on monday for a few hours. don't know, will just have to wait and see how things turn out.

i had an esitmate done on my tuck last night and it came to over $2000 my dedudctible is only $250. i wasn't going to get it fixed for awhile but they told me it could take up to 2 weeks for them to fix and i would have to have something in the mean time to drive. i can't afford a rental car and i don't think my insurance covers it (i will have to check). i certainly can't afford taking the time off of work. so my friend is still deployed and as far as i know won't be back until the middle to end of june and i have the use of her car. she told me to drive it to keep the tires and belts in good shape. so if i drive it now when she's gone i won't be putting a burden on her because she's gone. so i'll probably make an appt some time soon to have it fixed.

i do have the money right now. i was saving it to get a place of my own but maybe i should just wait a little longer and the Lord is telling me this through my truck (kind of weird though). i really miss my doggies and maybe i'll ask my friend how long i could keep the dogs at her place if she is still gone until august (she said she was going to try and extend her tour).

but anyway, i will be thinking of you often this weekend and keep your armor on that God provided you w/and listen to those programs when you get a chance. hugs, prayers, and love to you, RR

I feel miserable again, both physically and mentally. I went out to shop a little bit, then went to S school. His teacher was telling me that he didn't behave again. He got $500 debit in his acount.(fake) It is a serious wrong act, I don't know what to do. While I was there, he mack the tree with a stick, and got another $100 debit. I was going to rent a movie, but with this, I don't know how to exclude him, so I didn't rent. I tried to call WH to tell him this, but he even didn't answer the phone.

How I wish to get out of this whole mess. I feel so frustrated and the suicide thought came out. I just want to end all of these. I know that I am weak and satan sneak in. Please pray for my strength.

LOST, DEEP BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! call me tonight. i'm going to email you the number to call and when to call okay. hang in there kiddo, i've been there w/the suicide thoughts (and i tried it right after DDay) and i know you can't help it but there are so many ways to look at this:

1) if we take things into our own hands then we are lying to God that we are going to rely on him and we are calling God a liar because by doing that we are saying that we don't believe he can do everything and take care of us. 2) what would your kids think, do you want them to be stuck w/a thoughtless father and possibly have them be raised by the OW 3) you would be making yourself out to be a liar to your H by saying that you can't follow your words w/your actions 4)you would be allowing the OW to win 5) we need you here at MB.

hang in there and give me time to get home and get something to eat, go through the mail, etc. okay, prayers and hugs, RR

RR, thank you so much. I will hang in here. I won't do anything. But just can't get rid of the thought, the scene and everything. I still have to cook for my children, help them with theri homework, actually, I need to pick up D in few minutes.

But I know that I am losing grip now, I even call the kids name wrong.

Hi LostNHurt,

Hope you're feeling a bit better.

Before I started on an AD (Lexapro) I was having trouble staying out of bed. It was like the bed was a magnet - if I went in the bedroom with clean laundry, then let myself lie down for just a minute... Next thing you know it'd be several hours later and another day wasted.

I've been doing outdoor chores on sunny days and cleaning/organizing indoors on rainy days.

Sometimes it's frustrating that we can't invite the folks we meet here over for a cup of tea and a hug. You're not alone.

lost ok here's the deal no person is worth the S word, no one period. You really need to go into Plan B it's not that bad and trust me you will start to feel better about yourself. I feel so much better now then I did about 5 weeks ago. If you go into Plan B you don't have to go through the pain of watching your H leaving your house because he won't be there to do that. As you know talking to a WS does no good just make's you feel terrible. Everytime I talked to my W my stomach twisted up and I would feel terrible after she left. Now that I don't have to deal with that anymore I'm doing really well. I mean really there is no sense in talking to a WS and trying to reason with them, only when the WS is ready to recommit to the M will any kind of talking do any good. Hang in there ok hugs and prayers to you.

lost, I am so sorry you are feeling bad today, but please don't talk about suicide. This will get better and if you off yourself, you will miss the future good times!! Besides, your kids need you too much.

So please no more talk like this or I will have to open up a can of Texas whoop [censored] on ya and it won't be pretty!

Keep coming here and talking to us when you feel bad. There will be a few of us around this weekend. Hang in there, girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />