W has decided to get an apartment. Says she "can't live like this anymore" and "needs her space." She is convinced that she has no love left for me and will not agree to counseling. <P>I've been working Plan A for about 5 months, but her desire to "be free" has never went away. I have now accepted what i felt to be true several months ago. If we are to ever reconcile, she must experience life on her own and then perhaps she may make a conscious decision to return. <P>I'm pretty sure the affair is over and this is now just an issue of her feeling no love for me. This leads to my dilema. Since there is no affair going on, i'm not sure Plan B fits the situation. However, i can't stand the pain anymore. For too long i have held out hope because she kept silent about her feelings. I must now think of myself and how to deal with the pain i'm feeling and avoid anymore. <P>Starting last night i began what i call disconnecting. No more initiation of casual conversation. No more personal compliments directed towards her. I've left our bedroom. No phone calls to her office except for business related to her leaving. Yesterday i asked that she not delay in getting her place (she has procrastination down to an art) because the holidays will be here soon and i think it best for the kiddo's that they have some time to adjust to the changes beforehand. <P>I'm afraid she's going to consider these actions as me just being a jerk, and i want her last impression of me to be one of a caring and loving husband. But, i just don't have the desire to continue to be "nice" and act as if everything is OK. It's not OK for me!<P>I think once she's moved out i will ask that we have no contact other than that which is necessary to care for our two girls. Hey, if it's space she wants, it's space she's going to get.<P>Sorry, i'm rambling. If there's anyone out there that feels i'm going about this the wrong way, i'm open to suggestions. Otherwise, i'm going to begin to take care of me for a change and i'm not going to make any extra effort to ease her transition to life on her own.<P>Hey baby, i still love you but you obviously are not interested in receiving my love. If it's freedom you want, it's freedom you shall have.

nlitend,<P>I'd suggest that you write a "separation letter" based on the Plan B (but in this case, there's no OM to get rid of). Let her know that you love her, that you respect her need to get away, that you're willing to work on the marriage if she decides to, but that you don't want to have casual contact with her until she decides to work on the marriage.<P>Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" probably has a few good example letters in it as well.