Have you done a steller Plan A? Before your H leaves you want him to see the best you not the angry you, it's hard not to be angry. I am posting my Plan B letter for an example.
Dearest K,
This is one of the hardest letters I've ever written. It is with heavy heart that I sit here and put my thoughts and feelings to paper. It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Let me explain.
I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I have made many mistakes in the past that can not be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage that helped allow this affair to happen. I did not realize how much it meant to you for me to be there for you. The handholding, the hugs and the snuggling to name a few, I now clearly see many of those things I was lacking in. I just didn’t understand how important it was to us. I have made it clear to everyone that my time with my precious wife is and will be my main focus. You will always come first.
I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, or how to meet your needs. I can not sit here today and say that I know all that I need to know about relationships but I can however honestly say that I have learned a lot about honoring, cherishing and companionship. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving man. The type of man that I hope you would be proud to call your husband; the same pride I felt so many times when I called you my wife.
Since February, I've been trying to give you hope for the marriage by learning how to be a better husband to you. To give you hope that you could return to a marriage that you wanted, and for us to build our family together, but the past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only saving grace is the memories of the love we once shared, of the all good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to ask you to spend your life with me and the thought of us being together, someday happy again. Unfortunately, I now find those memories and feelings are slowly eroding away. Before I lose any more of the memories and feelings of what were once us, I must take some drastic steps.
K, as you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. I simply can not continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with (OM). It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage...together...when you completely end your relationship with (OM).
Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way. I would also like any of the regular communications between us to be handled through SIL. If you have any emergency matters, you can always email me at any time. I will put your mail in the mail box on a designated night that you request so you can pick it up.
I hope that you understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my feelings for you. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know torturous pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with (OM). I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer, knowing that you and he are together. This separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid losing any more of the things we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery!
I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing to permanently separate from (OM) and are willing to construct a plan to ensure a total separation. Until that time I will continue to pray for us.
In my mind I will keep the vision of seeing you walk through the door and me saying "hello my love" and of a happy and loving couple where our needs are being met and a relationship where no others could come between us. I know it can happen! What anyone other then you thinks about us is of no importance to me or my feelings for you. I still love you today; I just can not be with you or help you as long as you are still involved with (OM).
Your loving husband,
